My wife decided to classify my 8 year old???? Serious suggestions only please.?

Question

It really bothers me and I feel bad for my boy that he needed to be classified with ADHD. I feel he is just being lazy and is more into sports than he is into school work. I realize that it takes him longer than other kids his age to do homework and to stay on task, but I feel within my heart that the Board of ED has quotas to make so they can get extra funds for the school so they take the kid who is having some problems and makes us parents feel as if there is something wrong. I took him to a Neuralogist and they say he has a slight case of ADHD and wants to put him on a medicine. No way I say and I have been fighting with my wife about this but I will stand my ground. Anyone have a familiar situation??? What should I do??? I don't want my son to feel any different than any other student in his school??

I am not a Doctor but I know my son and I believe him to be intellegent and a day dreamer. Does this make him ADHD

This was a second oppinion but the wife gives them all the info up front. She makes me so angry!

My son is a delightful kid and is well mannered and respectful. He does not have a behavioral problem which I understand is big with ADHD, this is why I second guess it.

I know someone whos son was classified and It was found out later that he was advanced and the work he was given was to easy and he opted not to do it. They did an IQ on my son and it was 108 which is average.

Answer 1

So the professionals say that he is ADHD and you, with all your training in the field disagree.

Come on! This is your son that you are sacrificing to your arrogance and vanity. If he needs help, then let him get what he needs. Be a real man! You say that you have a second opinion; what are you waiting for?

By not doing anything, you are leaving your son to be different. He will be the class dummy.

Answer 2

First of all, let me say that fathers and mothers see this sort of thing very differently. I am not saying that the mother or father is right or wrong. But I do think there needs to be some kind of 'agreement' instead of being against each other for the sake of the child. I know this is very hard to do, though.

Most men DO think that the child just needs to 'buckle down' and get to work, quit goofing off. In some cases, this is true. BUT, there are LOTS of cases in which a child DOES truly have ADHD. And, only a doctor can diagnose this, not the school.

Make sure the school is not saying the child has this because most times, schools will SAY the child has ADHD and want the parents to give the child medicine, so the school doesn't have to 'put up with him'. It is the PARENTS choice in handling the childs ADHD problems, and NOT the schools.

When you say 'he needed to be classified with ADHD' do you mean by a doctor, or by the school so he could get help with this problem by the school?

If the school classified him with this, the parents DO NOT have to accept this and do NOT have to let the school help him, even if one parent DID want the help in the beginning.

If a child IS being helped by the school for this or any problem, the parents CAN retract this help and say they no longer want it. It is the PARENTS choice, and the school can not say you CAN"T do this.

OK, there is another side to this. Sometimes, children 'act out' and it 'seems' like they have ADHD, when in fact he doesn't. He is 'acting out' because he has 'learning problems' in which he doesn't know HOW to do his school work. It's not that he doesn't WANT to do the school work, it's because he CAN"T do the school work.

Schools are famous for ignoring learning problems and NOT wanting to help, so they will say the child has the 'behavior' problems because they are ignoring the true learning problems.

Sometimes, parents think the child has ADHD because they don't KNOW the child can have learning problems. This is not the fault of the parents for not caring, it IS hard to tell the difference sometimes.

I'm not saying this is the case for your child, but it sometimes happens. There ARE other ways to help a child that truly has ADHD WITHOUT giving meds at all.

You are the father and the head of the household and you DO have the right to stand your ground and make the decisions. The reason so many women nowdays 'fight back' with this is because they really feel the men are making the wrong decisions.

Back in the day, women just kept their mouth shut and let the bad things happen because they had respect for the husband, or was scared of him. But back in their minds they always regret the decision the husband makes to hurt the whole family.

I don't know how I got off into this, so sorry. Anyway, please to go a site that will help you. It's www.schwablearning.org
go there and there is a dropbox called 'how may we help you'? drop this down and click on 'i need to connect with other parents' then another page will come up and click on 'parent to parent message board'
You have to sign up for free to post on their board. This is the BEST help anywhere for your type of problem. I have to say there are mostly mothers there, but they are all very caring, and NOT against men when they come looking for help. They can also tell you how to help your child WITHOUT using meds.

I want to commend you for looking for help for your child. A lot of men dont' and wont' do this. This truly shows you want the best for your child.

Answer 3

ADHD is very common - my niece has it and she is VERY smart and VERY creative, but she could not focus in school. I know it's a hard pill to swallow when your child is put into a category that makes you uncomfortable. However, you need to put your own feelings aside. If a Neurologist is telling you that he has a slight case of ADHD, you should *listen* to this Doctor. They know what they are doing- especially a Doctor with this specialty. How does your son feel about this? I'm sure it bothers him to some degree that he's not able to concentrate and do as well with class work and homework as the other kids. I think you need to put your son's well-being above your own feelings. While I applaud you for wanting to accept him as he is...it's also a form of denial for you. You don't want to admit that something might be wrong with him. It hurts you. I understand this. I think you should compromise with you wife. Tell your wife that you will agree to let him try the medication for 3 months. It takes awhile for medication to work and get into the bloodstream and level out, so you have to give it some time. If he's not better after 3 months or made some improvements and acting overall happier, then you will discuss and agree upon a different approach. Also keep in mind that not every medication affects a person in the same way. You may have to change meds a couple of times to find the right ones. All I know, is that once we put my niece on medication - she was a whole new person. She was able to harness her creativity and drive and focus it on her schoolwork. She started getting all A's and B's and it was a total and complete transformation. She was so much happier and felt more accepted at school and at home. No more fighting and bickering with her Mom, it was great. I also feel that your son should be in therapy and you and your wife should also be in therapy. It will help him to be able to talk about these feelings of frustration with someone who is not emotionally involved. You and your wife also need to learn to communicate better. It would serve all of you well. Your Doctor can recommend someone. Good luck!

Answer 4

There is a HUGE difference between Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, and being lazy and into sports.

Now, the terms "lazy" and "being into sports" don't really mix together. You really don't see that many lazy sportsmen, do you?

No-one wants their children "classified"; indeed it seems to be increasingly popular for this to be done. And yes, it is mostly so that statistics can be drawn, quotas met, and money gained.

Why don't you inquire about the "medicine" that the Neurologist suggested, and find out whether it's a short- or long-term medicine, and whether there are any side effects, and withdrawal effects.

Then, perhaps, you could give the medicine a trial, say for a couple of months or so, and see what the difference is in the behaviour.

Also, before you agree to anything, do some Internet research on the name of the medicine, so that you can find out from other users / parents what the effects of the medicine are like.

You must be prepared to accept that there could genuinely be a problem with your child, and that drugs are the best treatment.

All the best.

Answer 5

I had ADD as a child and my parents chose not to medicate me. WRONG choice. Especially with a child who has ADHD. His behavior problems will turn off the other children and he will have a hard time making friends. My oldest son was diagnosed with ADD at the age of three. I put him on meds and saw a hugh difference. I figured why not try the meds for a while and see how he does. If I didn't like what I saw, I could always take him off. When he turned 15, he decided that he wanted to try to go off them. We let him and he is doing fine now. Mke sure you have a reputable person diagnose him. As far as him feeling different, he will only feel that way if he is told he is. At the age of 8, he will probably not have those feelings unless his behavior is really annoying to others. We all want our children to do better and be happier than we were so therefore, try the meds and see if you think they play a positive role. If not, then you tried.

Answer 6

It is normal for you to feel this way. He is your son. But don't you want the best for him? If he does have ADHD it is good you caught it early instead of ten years from now. I have a similar situation. I am 15 years old and have a pretty serious case of OCD/BDD. I am getting help for it after many years of suffering. Since I waited so long in getting help, I am force to do the extreme and leave my home to go to an OCD Institute. It is Massachusettes while I live in New Jersey. Sometimes, if you wait too long to get help, you will do things that you don't want to do but have to do.
I don't want that to happen to your son. I think that you need to take a step back and really look at the situation. If there is even the slightest chance your son has a problem, get help! It's better that you get help instead of not getting help and regretting it in a few years. Your son's education is very important and I think that every parent should feel that it is their child's number one priority.
As far as the medication goes, just don't do it! It's a waste of money, and what's worse is that it doesn't even work. I have been on medication for my OCD and all it did was make me walk around like a zombie and it didn't even help my symptoms. I think your wife was right when she got your son classified, but wrong if she wants to put him on medication. I'm a little ADHD myself and i fixed that a natural way. I'm not a doctor, but i found that Inositol Powder works wonders!!! It is a white powder that has a sweet taste. Just give this a try. The price is a little high, but if it works for you like it did for me, then it will be worth it. Give him a teaspoon of the powder 2-3 times a day. You can't really give him too much of it because it is not a drug of any kind. I really hope it helps him because the last thing you want to do is put him on medication.
And as far as him feeling different because you've classified him as "ADHD," don't worry about it. More kids than you think suffer from ADD/ADHD. It is very common. And if he does feel a little self-concious just tell him it is nothing to be ashamed of and that everyone has something special about them, your is that you just have ADHD.
So, it is very good that your wife was concerned about your son and took action. And just because your not as concerned as your wife about this, doesn't make you the bad guy. You just need to express your concerns to your wife and talk to her calmly, or she won't listen to you at all. I think that you need to swollow your pride and take action. Don't be embarrassed by your son's ADHD because many, many kids suffer from it. It's fine that your son has a problem and I think you should be grateful that it isn't something more serious. But you also need to do something so it doesn't turn into something more serious and he starts to get into trouble.
Please try the Inositol Powder and convince your wife to try it. Communication with your wife is the key.
Hope everything goes well!
--Courtney

Answer 7

I think u should get another opinion. It's pretty serious if your son has ADHD and needs medicine and u don't give it to him, he'll fall behind at school. But on the other hand u cannot give him medicine if he doesn't need it. There are also alternative therapies for children with ADHD like occupational therapy.
My son has ADHD he's 8 also, but we do not use medicine and he has a shadow teacher at school that helps him sit down and focus. It's complicated cos every case is different but i strongly suggest a second opinion of some doctor u trust.

Answer 8

If your son only has slight ADHD and isn't showing obvious signs of behavioral problems then why would he need medication, they give the medication to sufferers of ADHD who have bigger problems such as hyperactivity to help calm them, I agree with you not wanting you Son to have this and I would be the same if it was mild like this, the only good side that I can see is if hes been recognized as only maybe borderline then he may get some extra help in school as in support - if he needs it and I would encourage this. I know your not an expert and some people are saying why should you know better than them ? but sometimes with your children you do go with your heart especially if its about things being pumped into there bodies - don't give up and good luck.

Answer 9

You may want to get a second opinion just to be sure. As for the meds, if he does not have any behavior problems and he is not falling behind with his work there is no real reason to put him on them. If the ADHD is causing him to fall behind in his school work I suggest putting him on meds to help him academically. He will feel more different if he is not achieving as well as his peers than if he had to take a pill everyday.
As for the school making quotas, they can not do anything with out parent permission. As a teacher I don't know anything about quotas the school has to make, I focus on my students and what they need to advance.

Answer 10

You have a lot of good advice above me...and no exact answer!
However ADD runs in my family and we have had a lot of success with Brain Mapping; EKG of the brain done by neuro-developmental psychologists. It shows the common patterns of electrical flow which are associated with ADD. That's what it took to convince me that my second child had it. My oldest suffered, as I had, with poor self esteem etc due to lack of understanding of the condition back then.
I can understand your choice not to medicate and there are different kinds of methods which don't use meds. Read up on neurodevelopmental psychology and bio-feedback- Both basically building new thought patterns. My son went 3x a week for two years for bio where he played special computer games wearing lighted glasses which sent a signal to deeper brain waves. Sounds weird but it was very helpful..he is off meds at 16.
About schools; the pressure from the administration for all the kids to get high grades forces them to identify anyone not "conforming" to the "norm". Yeah they are afraid of loosing money BUT to the teachers and staff, who never see the money, we only want to show that each child makes one year's growth. We sure don't go around looking for ADD kids but the pressure to sit still, pump out the papework and pass the tests is unnatural, especially for young, atheletic boys.
Look at what's happened in the last ten years: less recess, less lunch time, more sitting and kindergardeners are being asked to sit, and sit and sit.
And then there are teachers who can deal with ADD better than others. It doesn't bother me at all if a kid gets up and gets a tissue or a pencil where some teachers hit the ceiling if the kid is out of the chair. Get to know the principal, the teachers, other parents who can steer you towards the better, patient teachers.