Why are we pressured to have kids?

Question

I dont have anything against children, but ive always know I never want to be a mother, its just not in me.... I have lots of little cousins and I love them to bits, but I wouldnt want them. Any time I tell some one this, the responce I get is "you'll change your mind" I cant seem to get across to them NO NEVER EVER EVER WILL I WANT A CHILD, anyone else feel the same?

No Im not afraid of child birth, I just know I dont have a maternal bone in my body, I wish I did want kids but I know if I had one it would only be because "im meant to", I wouldnt be a good mother under those conditions

I know what you mean Alik411, they (Mothers) say it with a smug, knowing look on there face, like they really know what you want, and your just being silly!!! GOD I just want to slap them when I see that look!

Answer 1

You are very courageous to own up to this one. I am like you too and agree that it is far better to opt out of motherhood than to be a bad mother. Other women are generally the most disapproving though. Maybe they think we are having too good a time and that makes us selfish. But we work hard, don't we? So we want to spend our money on holidays and going out for drinks and looking nice. And whyever not! And hey - childbirth has got to suck, hasn't it? Childbirth is painful because women think it's unwomanly not to 'suffer'. Crap. If men gave birth, they would have engineered a quicker and pain-free method of doing so way back in the middle ages - or even earlier. Plus, how is it ever possible to look remotely chic or 'together' when you're spreadeagled on a bed screaming in agony? Not for us, that one. And very few women get their figures back again afterwards, so it's just lucky they did want to have kids so much, isn't it. And actually - ever been round babies? Fabulous little things when they are smiling and cute. But OHMIGOD when they start to shriek and squeal (and poo, obviously). I don't want to pick them up, I just need to leave the room and pour myself into a gin and tonic. Give me a puppy anyday.

Answer 2

Yes. Not long ago, I had to give one of my usual answers to this same question I get asked (as I'm 30 now and in a stable relationship, people just expect me to be a mother). The two ladies that asked me first looked absolutely shocked then one of them came out with a comment that 'It takes a lot of guts to admit something like that', I think she said that just to clear the air because I must have sounded very adamant and that I wouldn't budge from my view. You are not alone, there are others like you, however, I think when you say that you don't ever want kids you have to be a bit forceful to make your stand. It is not for everyone, and it is better to be a non-mother than a bad mother to an innocent child. You are doing yourself a favour so don't worry about it. Say, why would you force somebody to learn another language when it is clearly not for everyone? It is proven that not everybody can learn langugages, you have to have a 'talent' for it. People like you or me should do other things that we are good at and stick to it instead of worrying about something that we can't do.

Answer 3

Having children is an act of faith.Faith that the world is going somewhere good. Faith that in our childrens' lifetimes it will be better than it is now.How do we know this , when there is so much evidence to the contrary? We just do.
Having children is an act of trust.Trust in He who creates and sustains the world anew each moment of time, that He will provide what is needed to sustain one more partner to His grand plan.Who could have a child if they first had to prove that they could "afford" it.If parenthood required a licence, like when operating a vehicle, who could pass the test? Yet somehow we know that God will provide like what He did for our parents, who were no worse and not certainly better equipped for the task than we.
You didn't elaborate much on what exactly transpired for you to have such a view, but whatever it is, I believe it will indeed change, for life is mysterious as noone knows what tomorrow holds.

Answer 4

in the west they pressure women to have kids because the population of Caucasians are decreasing, whereas in the developing countries they have measures to control population growth. Have u ever noticed that those people that choose to have kids spend most of their time complaining about them, and use it as a reason not to certain things. In the old world there wasn't much else to do except work and have unprotected sex, now things has changed but some people are still old school.

Answer 5

Do what's right for you. Don't for God's sake ever have a child because of pressure from anyone else. Live your life as you see fit - you'll harm no-one by remaining childless - just make sure if you choose to have a life partner, that this is what they want too.

Answer 6

Some people just don't want the responsibility and demands of raising children. If you feel that strongly please don't let anyone pressure you into having them. They won't suffer the decision you will. Having children is not always this wonderful event folks would like everyone to believe it is. Some of them are horrible behavioral problems and out of control. You do what is best for you and that's what's important.

Answer 7

People will always have an excuse to have kids. They will always give you that “dear in the headlight” look when you say you don’t want them. They are miserable, and therefore they want company in that misery. Sure they will go around saying they are proud parents, and how they planned their kids. Odds are they had them entirely by accident, and regret their choice deep inside.

You don’t have to have children. You should be proud of yourself to have made the choice.

Get your tubes tied, and leave maternity behind. Myself and my girlfriend stand behind you.

For my girlfiend it was the best choice. For me it was the same. We have careers and travel the world. What do most of my friends with kids do?

Answer 8

Well, I am the same way. I'm 47 and never wanted kids. I got bypassed on the maternal gene. Alot of people think that because you are female, that you should automatically be a brood mare. Also, that if you don't have any kids, your life is not complete. I see alot of mothers that LIVE for their kids. Their kids lives are THEIR lives. They have none of their own and are quite happy this way.
I don't know, just consider your self different. Different isn't bad, it's just different. Just ignore people. I've gotten quite good at it.

Answer 9

I used to feel like you, until about age 28 when I got divorced --

As a teenager, I did not want kids to avoid the physical pain of labor and because most women in my family were single mothers (no fault of their own) their husbands left them with kids

As a young woman, I did not want kids because I wanted to get the superior education I did not get earlier in life

In my thirties, I think, unless I marry a man who is financially secure I am not sure I will want kids -- what about health insurance for my baby and I while I am unemployed, and savings for my retirement if I stop working in order to be a stay at home mom; which is what I want to do for at least 6 months to a year

I love kids. I helped my aunts raise their kids, but I would not want to have to raise kids without a good husband by my side.

Answer 10

I feel exactly the same, i don't want children its bad enough i have to put up with my other halfs little angel every other weekend. Do you feel thats its always women who have them t tell you that you will change your mind? I have fallen out with my partners friends wife over this as she was in her little click basically calling me an alcoholic cause i like to go out for a drink with my partner and friends and she is stuck in the house child minding. I feel exactly the same