Why do I feel this way?

Question

I just had an emergency section, 2 1/2 wks ago. I am getting really depressed. It is causing a lot of fights between me and my husband. I don't think we are going to make it through this time. It has happened before.
I talked to the dr. She said that w/ everything I have going on, counseling would make it more stressful. I agree. I am taking antidepressants. I don't want to kill myself or anything like that, but sometimes I really wish I wasn't here anymore. My husband tells me to 'get over it'. and 'put it behind' me. wtf? How do I do this? How do I not feel like this anymore? I want to be with him, but the depression is making me tell him I want a divorce, when I really don't. But he doesn't understand. Someone, please help with this.

It would add to the stress in my life for a few different reasons. First of all, my daughter is not my only child. I have a two year old boy that is very hard to handle, especially out in public. I cannot take him AND her to a counseling appt 2 times a week. Not possible. My husband works, there is no one to take care of the kids, and we have only one car. Just thinking about it is stressful.

C section, and no, baby did not die. She was 5 wks premature, but she is doing perfect.

Answer 1

Well, many women who go through pregnancys experience what they call, ": Post (after) partum Depression". sometimes most women with this bounce back after a month or so. If you are feeling like not wanting to be around, you should talk to a therapist, and work with some anti-depressent meds for now, nothing permanant. You def need someone who you can talk with , an psycotherapist*. You'll be ok.. i have depresison myself :) Bring your Husband along, he is also invovled with this, so try to get him to come with you, just say your afraid to go alone!

Answer 2

I have been through almost the exact same type of situation, except for the C-section. My husband could not understand why I was so depressed and I almost never wanted to touch my baby or feed him. We argued a lot and I threatenend to leave him. But he took me to the hospital and they recommended switching to bottle feeding help reduce stress and some therapy for me and for us both to deal with being a parent and depression. I know the thought of counseling seems stressful, but it does a world of good when you find the right counselor. Maybe you could have a relative move in or come stay close by for a few weeks so that you and your husband can talk about the feelings you both are going through. You can't understand each other and how you feel unless you communicate with one another. Your husband may not know how to deal with your feelings or he just may not know what to say. He may be a little scared. I think you may need a small break from caring for the children and a few times a week have someone watch the children for an hour or two and you and your husband can talk. Best of luck and don't give up.

Answer 3

It is perfectly normal to feel the way you do 2 1/2 weeks after giving birth. Your husband's the one who should be more supportive and help out. However, since he won't, you should look into getting someone to help out for a few weeks--is there a relative who can do that? If not, there are many support groups out there for new moms who are going through the same thing. I would also suggest beginning to eliminate things that give you stress--for example, if breastfeeding is a challenge, consider formula feeding. Or send your two year old to temporary daycare so you have the daytime to rest while your baby naps. Try not to depend on the antidepressants because it doesn't solve your problems. And remember that it does get better--hang in there!

Answer 4

My first suggestion is to ask for help. Is there someone in your neighborhood that could take your son for a couple hours so you could bond with your daughter? Is there someone who could come over for a while and watch your children so you could take a nap? Could someone watch them while you go to counseling?
Don't be a martyr. You'll be a better mother and wife if you have some time to yourself. You will be surprised at how many people will be willing to help you out, all you need to do is ask for help.

Husbands, bless them, are really clueless. He has no idea what you have been through, and has no comparison point for what you are feeling. Take what love and help he can give you, try and acknowledge it. He will try harder if he knows it is helping. Ask him to look into public transportation or a carpool to work so you can have the car to get some help.

Lastly, let your doctor know you are still having problems. There are lots of options to help you. If the doctor doesn't try to help you its time for a new doctor.

Answer 5

I'm confused, did you lose the baby? As much as you don't want to, it sounds like counseling would be a good idea. personal at first then marriage. If you aren't all there, then there is no way that you can try to fix your marriage. You need to get help before you make any rash decisions about your marriage.
You seem pretty good at writing, try writing your husband a letter, and explain to him how you feel!

Answer 6

Your doctor said counseling would make things more stressful? Who is your doctor? Because she is very wrong. It's one thing to be a little stressed about what's going on, but you should never have to feel like you don't want to be around anymore. I struggled with depression myself and am on anti-depressants, and something like this could definately be a sign of a worsening condition. Tell your husband he needs to be more understanding and get yourself to a different doctor.

Answer 7

i dont think men every understand what a women goes through during the pregnancy during the birth or even afterwards. i had a c section aswel and it takes alot out of you and i had real problems with my relationship to. you probably are not depressed your probably exhausted. take all the help you are offered from family and friends and in a few weeks you will look back on these feelings and laugh. good luck

Answer 8

First of all, your body is trying to readjust to all the horomones and getting your levels back to normal. Postpartum depression is my first guess. If you had problems in the past, I would almost guess that its going to get worse unless you two have a serious talk or seek counseling.

Feeling depressed after having a baby is common for alot of people. I took Paxil after I had my son and it didnt work. Sometimes it seems like you have to wait it out.

Answer 9

What you have is "post partum depression" and is nothing to fool around with.
I can't believe that your Dr. feels counseling would add to your stress. Clearly you have issues that have to be discussed with a professional or you will only feel more and more over whelmed.
Please seek a professional that specializes in PPD.
Praying for you.

Answer 10

Your husband needs to get over himself, what a selfish a$$. Give the antidepressants time to work (I would think 2 months or so). Please try to locat a local support group for those suffering from postpartum depression, try your local hospital or see if they or your doctor can locate one for you. Look for online support groups too. Turn to your friends & family for support. Make sure you eat properly & exercise. Good luck to you & don't give up!