Why don't men understand that when you have children that it is two way street for the care of them?

Question

My husband believes that because he works he should not have to do anything else in the house hold such as help cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, bathes getting them ready for school or giving me time to myself everyone needs time to themselves he can come and go as he pleases but don't let me do it without taking the children with. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT??? Something new on the market!

Answer 1

Men are selfish my nature. Me and my hubby argued about this for several years. We have been married for 12 years. In my case things have improved. You need to talk to him and let him clearly know what you need and want out of this partnership.

Answer 2

Do you have a job outside of the home? If so, then there should be an equal division of labor. If not, then you should carry a larger load at home. He still needs to help though. Perhaps a day in your shoes is in order for him. If he won't try this, by all means, stop doing the housekeeping for awhile. My husband had no idea what I did around the house till I quit doing it for awhile. I worked a full time job, did all the housekeeping, laundry, grocery shopping and he still wanted me to help him with mowing the yard. I didn't go the the grocery, I ate fast food everyday for awhile. I didn't dust, vacumn, nothing. I came home, grabbed a good book, propped my feet up and ignored the angry looks I got from him. When he said the house needed cleaning, I said, "Do it yourself." We argued like crazy for weeks over this. I finally asked if it would be easier for him to help me around the house, or do it all by himself when he is living alone. Gave him some food for thought. He helps me now. Oh sure, the housekeeping he does isn't quite to my standards but he has gained some appreciation for how long it takes to do it. Also, the kids won't croak if they get a little dirt on them for a day or two. Daddy may step up to the plate if he sees that you can be just as stubborn as him.

Answer 3

My wife works part time so on the two week days she has off she gets all the house work done so on week-ends we and do stuff as a family or just hang out at the house wthout having to worry about cleaning the house and stuff.

I don't do any house cleaning at all since she's got two days to do it. I do however, help making super on some nights and almost every night I do the dishes and help my son with his homework. By 7:30pm our son's in bed and we can chill out.

I believe men should help. The extent of the help depends on how much time the wife or husband for that matter is at home. If my wife was home fulltime I would expect her to do most of the work but I would still spend time with our son and make sure his home was done andhelp with some meals but I'd expect my wife to do more. If she worked full time I'd split the work load 50-50 with her.

It a matter of babalnce as far as I'm concerned.

Answer 4

Sometimes men get big old heads and think that bringing the money in is harder then keeping the house down. You could get a job and send the kids to a babysitter for a couple months. Then when he comes home and dinner isn't ready he might start to think about how unappericiative he was and he will want you to go back to holdin the house down and he might help out a little more.

Answer 5

You could always change the situation. You work and he stays home with the kids. Then he will understand. I do believe that life is a two way street. Sometimes you just need to stand to the side and give the other person some light to see your point of view.

Answer 6

It's seems to be time for a serious talk. Don't try to make changes behind his back - ways of forcing him into change. Explain that you are in need of some changes around the house. That you are constantly exhausted and are having a difficult time enjoying both him and the children. Ask him for help set up a schedule that would be more effective in providing you with some "me" time and also some "just us" time.

Answer 7

I know what you mean and it is so not right. Most of my friends have husbands that help out and this really does well for their marriage. It makes them both happy and more relaxed. you chose to have kids as a unit not to do it by yourself. He may work outside the house but you wokr just as much anad as hard as he does. difference you get NO MONEy. I would serioulsy talk to a counselor just to help you vent and she can also help you getinto programs that can help make life better. GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

What you should be asking is why the guy YOU know doesnt understand. You have made a very generic statement. Most of the rest of us get it. Your with a looser! I am a single dad and have always taken care of my child. I am not special. It is people like you who lump us together because your with an as s!

Answer 9

Because we're born to be selfish, whereas women are born to be selfless. You need to lay down the law and tell him to participate.

One thing you should be aware of is that we are not as attached to our children as early as mothers are.

I had to explain this to my wife around when my youngest son turned about 3 months old. When they were born, I really loved both my sons, but it took some time to actually become attached to them and get to a point where I couldn't live without them. This is similar to women who are really scared early in their pregnancy, but after a few months, most become VERY attached. This warming-up period is normal I suspect it will be easier for him to contribute after this period is over.

Good Luck!! =-]

Answer 10

It use to be that way always. Nowadays they are coming around. You should leave for the day on a Saturday or Sunday. He'll figure out what to do. Or send him to "Brawny School" http://brawnyacademy.com