Is it Love? or has he become a control freak?

Question

I have been married for 15 years and live my life to please my husband........he gets upset if I make evening plans with my friends, even when I go walking by myself in the evening he does not like it, but yet he works very hard, alot of hours and is harldly home, but he expects me to be at home always waiting for him, he makes sure he takes the car so that I'm without a car. Is this love ?........it's having complete control..sometimes I feel just like running away from home, but I won't I love my kids way too much to do that.

Answer 1

First of all, If you are asking this question then i think it has gone too far... you need to talk to him. Possibly get a councelor if you want it to work...Not to be a negative nancy but it will probably only get worse if you dont do anything about it. You know that it is wrong and you know this is not how it is supposed to be, so you shouldnt have to ask the question. On the other hand is it love? I don't know... those arent actions of someone who loves and knows the true meaning of love. That is not my place to tell if he loves you or not. But on the other hand he could be scared of you leaving, he knows he works alot and he knows maybe your thinking of leaving or cheating becuase he cant be there, he could be scared. And it probably give him alot of joy and comfort to know that he gets to come home to you. He works all day and when he gets hom ethe only thing in the world he wants is you and his family. I dont konw what type of relationship or family you have but that is a possibility. And the car thing, that seems obsurd, i mean you have a life too and need to do things but if he is scared he will do anything to keep you, and he doesnt want you to even be tempted so he goes to great lengths to keep you at home and safe. I would suggest talking to him for a while. If nothing changes go for a councelor. Do anything to make it work, i dont believe in divorce, you take vows for a reason, anything you can do to make it work... but you have to be happy, its your marriage too!

Answer 2

Well, I think that each union is different, and can apply different things that you both consider acceptable. I don't think leaving you without a car is good, though, because what if there was an emergency? Something that happened to someone even him, and you had no way to get there. I'd bring that to his attention. I don't think he's being controlling about wanting to know when you go for a walk because he may look for you and can't find you anywhere. If it bothers him that much, tell him he's more than welcome to come with you. If he has to stay with the kids, then be sure you take a cell phone. I know it sounds controlling, but you never know when something could happen to you either. I guess I don't see a problem with his behavior that much. When I was married, I always asked him if he had any plans for a certain night, and then tell him that I was thinking of doing something with my friends. If he still gets mad even if you ask him before you actually make plans, then that's something he'll just have to get over.

Answer 3

Does he need the car for work? What plans or activities do you have during the day? After 15 years of marriage you bring this up now?
Seriously, it sounds like control but ask yourself if the shoe was on the other foot.....could he be out if roles are reversed? Would you wonder what needed to be done and why? and now?
Just talk with him and remember, a way to man's heart is to strokehis ego, let him know how much you love him and inform him of what it is and the matter of importance "it" is that you need to do.
Straight talk leads to straight understanding.

Answer 4

R u a child? Listen to what u just said, "I feel like running away "from" home", what??? Do the same thing he does to u, Make him want to run away from home!! I can't stand these pitiful women who just put up with crap as if once they get married to a men, they become his child. Grow up, you are an adult, he's an adult, you didn't sign off your identity when you signed your marriage license. Quit watching LIFETIME television with all the sorry woman in it. UUUOOH, you are so pissing me off. He's a control freak, get up one day and say, "I'm dropping you off to work, I need the car today and I'll pick you up." You just need to take that first step in owning yourself, why'd you hand your life to him? A man will only do to you what you allow him to do. No, it's not love. I've been married for 10 yrs & my husband does try that once in awhile until I laugh at him, then he remembers that "I'M GROWN".

Answer 5

it's controlling and cruel and you know it. You need to make a plan for counselling with him or leaving him if he won't go.

your kids aren't stupid. they can see what's happening. you're being abused.

abuse undermines the self. You will start to doubt yourself and your abilities, just because he's manipulating you.

get some help and get out. NO it's not love. If he loved you, he would have the car waiting for you and make sure it was in good working order and full of gas; kiss you and say have a good time and i'll see you when you get home. that's love.

Answer 6

Been there, done that and honey, that's not love that's control and it could escalate like mine did to domestic violence. I finally left after 9 yrs and one son & step son.
If you don't want to leave, I would suggest counseling for you both. MAYBE he had issues and he's got problems expressing them. A counslor that works with married couples will work one on one and then with you both together. I know its hard to hear it but no one that loves you will keep you stranded at your home and DEMAND that you be there when he's there. Your children need positive role models, you to have some independance and him to have some seperation. I'm sure you love your children very much and want them to grow up seeing and hearing the correct things so they my form good solid bonds and can grow up to have healthy relationships of their own.
Good luck!

Answer 7

this is defintley not love, or at least not the right kind, he's controlling and out of hand. If you old enough to get married and have kids, you can make decisions without his imput, there's a difference between consulting your husband on single things out of respect versus, a matter of him having to control you. It sounds very unhealthy how he trys to control, but it's a huge sign of insecurity on his part, he also sounds kind of scary, what does he do if you don't listen to what he wants......also you should never revolve your whole life around someone else, you should always retain your friends and family, what happens if he leaves you or you leave him????? Your not left with much if your whole being was to please him, please your husband but don't forget about yourself. Real love, the right kind of love, is about both people trying to make each other happy, it's not about control.....

Answer 8

This is not love, it's emotional abuse. You need to leave. You are not doing your children any favors staying in this marriage. Is this the kind of life you want for them as adults? If you stay here this is what they will grow up believing is the right way to have a marriage. His control issues stem from his own distrust and insecurities, and you have let it go on for too long. Leave while you can still give your children some semblance of a normal home life.

Answer 9

That sounds familiar. My husband use to do that. But we are still new to marriage. 4 1/2 years. It's not that he is controlling but...i sure bet he doesn't have much friends himself. I think you both should go to canceling or even make him join you in your evening walks. It's hard but us women need to use a little bit of our heads. If he See's that you are out walking and it's boring, he'll not want to go next time. As for your friends... try making double dates and make your friends be close to him so there is not mistrust next time you go out with them. Maybe you husband just wants more quality time. And once he gets tired of that... trust me your have plenty of time for your self. Don't sweat it chica. Enjoy life with him. ;) After all you married him. There is a book called "The power of a praying wife" It's really good and it makes you understand all the decisions he will make. Even the wrong ones and why he chooses them. Check it out. :) Good Luck!

Answer 10

What you're describing is definitely excessively controlling. However, you can only be controlled to the extent to which you allow yourself to be. Make plans with friends, go for walks when you want, and let him handle his anger however he needs to handle it. Most importantly, get a job so you can afford your own transportation. A little more independence might feel very good to you.