We've been together for over 4yrs and I feel like I don't exist. He says I talk too much, ok maybe I do, so I try to moderate it but end up not knowing when I can talk or not. He's always trying to get away from me, always has to have people with us to be happy. He says he loves me but wants to leave his boxers and dirty socks lying around, go out and stay out and not call. Like a single guy or what? He says he'd be miserable if he moved out. I don't get it, he wants everything and isn't even happy when he gets it. Meantime I'm busy doing EVERYTHING and getting nothing in return! I love him very much and I'm sure he's not doing this on purpose cos I don't think he knows what he thinks or feels or anything. I feel like I'm not being fair on myself by going on like this. What can I do?
2006-10-03 03:50:25 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should tell him how you feel first. Make one last effort towards resolving things. Ask him what is wrong and all the other questions that you have been afraid to ask (I'm sure you have some:) If that does not help, counseling should be the next step and possibly separation. But separation should only be the very, very, very last resort.
2006-10-03 03:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by Etienne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to have to tell you that, but i dont think that he acts right with you. I mean why the hell would someone has the power on how many things you say / how often you tell them. It's your own choice, not his, if u feel like you want to talk then just do it. If you're a talktative person, your partner should accept your entire personnality and loves you for who you are even what he considers bad.My goal is not to make you upset about this but, if i were you i would find out if he is really sincere.. maybe by seeing how he acts if you give the relationship a break. Yes, i'd definitly go for a break =) Anyway Good luck. I hope you get the best out of it!!
2006-10-03 10:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you love him? Are you absolutely sure you do love him and you're not just scared of being alone? He doesn't sound good enough for you! Does he still make you happy? I really think you need to answer all those questions for yourself. If you are sure you want to stay with him then stick up for yourself. How dare he tell you when you can talk! Tell him the way you want things to be and he either shapes up or ships up, you might be surprised. Have a bit more respect for yourself, it's hard to fancy a doormat. Please don't think I'm being horrible, it's just I had a boyfriend who was much the same. We were engaged to be married, but all of a sudden I snapped. Decided to take my life into my own hands and left him. Lost some wight, got a new job, moved counties, found myself a new wonderful boyfriend and I'm bloody glad I did it!! xx
2006-10-03 12:36:41 · answer #3 · answered by Oldfruit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the wonderful world of relationships gone bad. He has reasons hes just not telling them to you. You can try counselling but I doubt it will help. You can pick up his dirty boxers and socks for the rest of your life and grow to resent him even more. He would be miserable he'd be losing a maid.
what to do what to do...hmm, want to stay with him.... leave his stuff where it falls, don't wait on him, don't talk to him, find an outside interest. He may open his eyes and see what he's missing...or not.
2006-10-03 11:44:02 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not in a relationship, you're in a "mother mode". He's got everything he wants and you have nothing.
He won't even talk to you, so what do you do? I separated from my husband because of stuff like this, however, my husband does pick-up after himself.
He would be miserable if he left, because you do everything for him. Quit doing it. Just stop. You may have to quit the "relationship" before it will work. Only you can decide what you're willing to put up with.
He's immature.
2006-10-03 10:56:04 · answer #5 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communication is the most important thing in a marriage. My wife and I of 20 years talk constantly. How else are you suppose to learn about each other, or let out aggressions? I hate to say this, but the both of you are in need of marriage counsling, or this marriage is not going to last much longer.
2006-10-03 10:55:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he's being a coward by not totally committing to you. If he wants to go out without you all the time and not even call or respect you, then he should be single. Talk to him, leave him, and then once you're gone, he'll realize he's screwed up royally.
2006-10-03 11:10:51 · answer #7 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Your not putting your foot down, so, of course he's going to continue this behavior. Why wouldn't he? You need to tell him you need to talk, alone, one night. Have it set up. Tell him exactly what you want and expect of him. Tell him your not going to tolerate his behavior or actions anymore. If he agrees to change, then move forward. If not, put your foot down and tell him to move out. Even if he moves out, if he loves you, he'll be back shortly and he'll change his ways. If your going to be a push over, then don't complain about this situation and just take it. You need to be strong. Im 31 and have been married 13 yrs. and have been through all this 10 fold.
2006-10-03 10:55:41 · answer #8 · answered by crazyami 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly he's a bloke-they don't talk its biological-they don't need to they are the 'hunters and gatherers' in prehistoric days woman sat in their caves while the bloke did that-You need to stop picking up his boxers and stop doing everything for him-start doing everything for YOU.and if your relationship can be sorted it will but you ain't his Mum.You are right you are not being fair on yourself-relationships are meant to be fun and loving.
2006-10-03 12:23:29 · answer #9 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he doesnt know what he wants i think you should give him some space and if he comes back after a well then he loves you and only you doesnt want anything but you but in this case i think he doesnt know how to appreicate you and what you do for him give him a lil taste of what he does to you i know you love him and you dont want to loose him but how can you live with someone thats not all there you say he doesnt look happy let him go free and like i said if he comes back hes all yours ;) trust me i was in the same situation exacpt i was pregnant and it was only less then a year he was always with his friends didnt call me for **** he dared to flirt with other on the computer when i was around looked at other girls on the computer i dont know if he did it when he was with his friends but whatever nor if he cheated he says he isnt like that hes not like his mother blah blah blah and well i think he would do drugs lol but thats not ur case and eeeww he was a smoker so i got tired of it he didnt communiate with me yet he always said i love u and would kiss me at night when i was sleeping anyways to my point he was a loving guy but just didnt give me info love or attention as he did to his friends so i him for a year went back to my parents house and get this we were already married when he did this to me but anways i left him and by the 3 day he was calling me emailing me like crazy telling me he loved him ect i didnt answer my emails until a month later i told him i wasnt going back to be treated like **** nor was i going to be ignored and unappreicated i told him it was me or his friends plus i hated the idea of him of being a smoker so i told him to stop somking if he wanted to see his baby of course i won at the end hes with me now doesnt have any friends i dont have any friends bcuz i moved from california to canada and well i left my family and friends for him and he did the same ex his family cuz familys important he left his bad friends stop smoking and well we've been together for 4 yrs now going to 5 yrs this month and have 2 boys 3 yrs and 7 mth ok well i have to go my sons crying take care
2006-10-03 11:11:17 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋