how can husbands cheat, and leave after 8 years?

Question

one week ago my husband told me he wasnt sure if he could be with me & he was seeing someone else, it just came from nowhere. no indication ever that he would ever leave. im devasted and sick, i want to work things out but he will not put any effort in to it. how is it so easy to just let go after so long, weve never had any real problems. i love him and tried telling him that we could get past this and start over but he turned from a caring person to just plain cold. i shut him out in a way the last few years after some traumatic things happened but i opened up and talked to him, told him how i felt but he said its too late. i dont know what else to do. i also have a son who is 12 that thinks of him as a father since hes been in his life since he was 3.

Answer 1

First of all I would not blame myself for his behaviors. Marriage is a commitment and it takes both parties to be serious and committed to work. He is the one who stepped outside of the marriage because of selfishness and lack of control. Marriage is a job and it takes both parties working at the common goal. If he is not willing to work on it,I would not waste my time, I would let him go and be with the other woman. She has no idea what she has, if he could not and did not honor a eight year marriage, what does she think he is going to do to her. when it gets tough he gets going on to something a little less stressful. He has issues within himself he needs to resolve. Life is to short, I would give him his freedom and move on. And make a better life for myself, what else is there to do, stay with a man who is not willing to work through his life issues and chooses to make another relationship and causing more issues. Not very wise or mature. You should feel as though you deserve better.Get some counseling for yourself and your son so you don't walk around with unresolved guilt and feelings. This is not about you, it is about him and his lack of self control and lack of dealing with life in a mature manner. Good luck and God bless

Answer 2

No indications? Think about that again...you must have had some indications, right?

...If not be careful...this guy is ruthless! This type of person could divorce you and leave you with nothing.

I don't know where you are...it's different in each state.(USA) Investigate, consult with a professional if he's cold and has no feelings of compassion. Hit him where it hurts. In his pockets! Ask for everything and if the court says you can have it...take it! It doesn't matter that you may have three already. (You can donate them to your favorite charity.)

The best revenge ...is to do good by yourself. It may be painful now but be assured that there is someone else for you. Be patient and get ready. Try not to carry any extra baggage into a new relationship that may have needed to stay with the old relationship .

Answer 3

I had the same thing happen to me. I was married 10 yrs. Hubby at the time more or less started sneaking around with my then secretary. He would pretend to go to work....and then leave the house and go to her house. He was fired from his JOB due to lack of attendance at work. During 1991 he had I think around 14 W-2's. He just couldn't keep a JOB and still I loved him and I kept the bills paid. In early 1992 things started to disappear from our home. Vehicles, collectables, MONEY. He also wouldn't come home at night and would be gone 2-3 days at a time.

I finally filed for DIVORCE.....I didn't know at the time the who in the equation. In May 1992 ( on my b-day) my friend and I were celebrating, my best friend came up with the idea that she knew where hubby had been hiding out all these months......We drove 15 miles to the womans house and guess what...BINGO....my vehicle that had disappeared 4 months previous was sitting in her freaking driveway.......(this was at 1am).....I pressed on my horn enough to wake the dead.....and out slinks MY HUSBAND....I needed closure and this was IT!!! I told him that this was clearly the closure I needed and that he would die a very lonely man! (to this day......the man is still hiding out LOL)

Life moves on...time heals all broken hearts and I remarried again and it's been 12 yrs with new hubby!

Answer 4

of course you will harm.....you're experiencing not basically a broken heart, yet additionally broken provides and desires which you will desire to enable circulate. by potential of you leaving is step one, the subsequent steps would be not common additionally, take it one step at a time, and exceptionally quickly you will see the way it surely does get extra handy with time and distance from him. you're ultimately listening to your satisfaction, on your inner voice who's achieving out to love you and do what's sweet for you. have confidence me, I even have been there and that i'm so grateful that I had left. no person back then would desire to convince me of how lots happier i could be without him. yet right here i'm, married to a magnificent guy and so better than happy. it rather is oftentimes your destiny too, you in simple terms have been given to take the needed steps to get there and that's removed from this guy that has basically delivered you lots discomfort and unhappiness. it rather is not how love would desire to be. sooner or later you will seem back on all of this and attractiveness why you ever even stayed first of all. solid success to you!

Answer 5

Better face the fact, sweetie.....it is over! I suggest that you get into counseling right away and learn how to cope. There are always 2 sides to every story and you were just not meeting his needs and he turned elsewhere. Seems like you had problems for a long time and did nothing about them. Saying "I am sorry" does not cut it. If you are serious about your life, like I said, you need professional help in dealing with it. Don't waste your energy on him......invest it into yourself.

Answer 6

My husband also left me after 8 years of marriage. Of course for another women. From experience....he likes it that you are begging him. Dont let him see you cry anymore. Go out and buy yourself something to wear. Go have your hair done. Get your nails done. Do things for yourself . You will see that you look great. Then think to yourself....Look what that bastard is missing. He will get jeolous, no matter if he wants you or not. Always smile..and laugh. Dont let him see you cry anymore. If builds up his ego. Take your son out and have fun. In time, you will start feeling as good as your faking. I'll pray for you.

Answer 7

Boredom led to cheating. You admit that you were the one to shut him out. Do you really suppose that talking to him about it was enough to make up for it? He doers not find a reason for effort at this point. It sounds like his effort quotient has been used up. The effort is now yours. You do need to tell him to stop the affair or get out.

Answer 8

My wife of 13 years told me last week that she is having an affair. How could she do that? The fact is woman cheat for emotional reasons men cheat for sex. Apparently he had been very good at hiding his adultery and has now fallen for this lady. Good luck

Answer 9

i hate to hear that. my big motto is don't let anyone surprise u in your life, except your family
(and sometimes not even them) You can not trust anyone so my only advise would be become at peace with yourself, and realize that u don't need him to survive, every day will still come and make the best out of what u do have and realize your better off being happy with yourself b4 you rely on ne1 else.

Answer 10

Because it's easier to get on with someone else than to work problems or issues out with his wife. He probably thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but it's not.....he'll find that out and end up miserable like he deserves to be. Good luck to you...my heart goes out to you.