should we ?

Question

our daughter is 16 next week she wants her boyfriend to start sleeping over .if we say no she feels that we dont trust her.yet we dont want to encourage to .any advise

Answer 1

Your house - your rules!! Your choice whether its under your roof!!

Just make sure she has access to good contraceptive advice, and she doesnt feel pressured to do anything she doesn't want to do. If she is going to sleep with him, she'll do it regardless of whether its at your home.

Answer 2

The best way to go with this is the use of gratutious parental embarrassment. Invite the young Cassanova over, then spend the whole evening winding them both up, offering condoms, pointing out that she's legal now, reminding them that you can hear EVERYTHING through the walls, tell a few anecdotes about things getting stuck places they shouldn't and how it had to be explained at the hospital, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more...

By the time they go to bed, there's no way in the world either one of them is going to be feeling anything but sick, self conscious and shite scared. If you really want to make sure, you could give an audio demonstration of how it should sound yourselves (even if you only do the sound effects).

After a couple of weeks, lighten up a bit. Let's face it, they're going to do it anyway... so it may as well be on your terms and if that means they wait until you've gone out, well, is it such a bad thing? If the guy is willing to hang around while you have your fun, chances are he's serious about your daughter!

Answer 3

Don't let this happen unless you're ready to be grandparents!!
No matter how closely you 'watch them' they'll find a way to get together and do it right under your nose!! And you'll never know until it's too late. And mind you, most guys think they've really accomplished something if they do 'it' while the parents are in the house at the same time.
Go ahead, ask how I know.
My parents used to think it was okay to let my boyfriend stay late, (not over night, but late). We were downstairs and they were upstairs. Well, they didn't check on us every five minutes like they thought they would and we played around right under their noses! I didn't get pregnant, but could have if we hadn't have been careful, and they were just upstairs thinking everything was fine and dandy.
If she says you don't trust her, look her right in the eyes and tell her, you trust her, you just don't trust her boyfriend because boys will be boys.
And what in the world is this guilt trip kids of today put us through? And that's all it is... guilt. "you don't trust me" whaaa.
My daughter pulled the same thing and I tossed her a quarter and told her to call some one that wanted to listen to that crap and 'no, he still can't stay over, deal with it.'

Answer 4

If she wants him to sleep over then there is every chance they already have a "sexual" relationship, and what would you rather your daughter being safe in your home where she can rely upon you and her father for advise and security or your daughter down the park with her knickers round her ankles, even if you let him stay they don't have to sleep together for a while until you trust the boy but there is always the chance they will sneak around whilst you sleep, I cant imagine how I am going to react when my daughter asks me the same question so I do not envy you. if you resolve the question with success can you post a message up on how for the rest of us. cheers and good luck.

Answer 5

Personally if it was me i would let her have her boyfriend to sleep over and these are my reasons;

a) They are gonna sleep together with or without ur approval and

b) I would rather my 16 yr old daughter was engaging in safe sex under my roof rather than on a park bench, back of a car etc etc.

Sometimes.... altho hard, it is easier to accept the situation rather than fight against it. Make sure shes aware that if she is going to have sexual intercourse that they use condoms (perhaps even leave some for her discreetly in her room?). By being open with her not only are you protecting her but she will learn that she will be able to come to u both to discuss anything and you will become good friends as well as parent/daughter.

Trust is a 2 way thing!

Good luck x

Answer 6

What ever they are going to do they will do it.
I am not condoning it and parental guidance is paramount in my view, far too little of it.

I would suggest you let him stay over and keep an eye on things from a distance, if you do not you will turn your daughters natural progression into an incident that could be the start of something much bigger latter. Being around you may build up a little respect form the boyfriend, every little helps in controlling behaviour.

It's very hard being a parent - good luck

Answer 7

Hmmm why not go along the lines of having a talk to her explaining that whilst you realise shes growing up that you feel she is still too young to have her boyfriend sleep in the room with her - so make a comprimise that you have no problems with them staying up late watching telly or whatever, but when it comes to going to bed - he goes one direction and she goes the other.
Let her know that if she abuses the situation then that will put an end to her gallop immediately and it will be many many years before you will allow any male stay overnight again as she will have broken your trust and proven that she cannot act responsibly xx

Answer 8

It is a tricky 1!!Although i havent been in that position i no how my mum and dad felt about it when i was that age and wanted my bfriend to stay!!I think at the time my mum came to the conclusion that she would rather i was at home with him than be at his house!!At least that way she would still have some controll over the situation and no exactly where she is!!Unforchantly sometimes if you show that there is no trust between you at that age it will make your daughter more likley to go off the rails and do stuff behind your back!!Wouldnt you rather she could come to you to talk about any thing??Just give her a chance to prove that by her bfriend staying she can be trusted and act responsably and if she doesnt then at least you gave her a chance. x

Answer 9

Just let her know that you are trusting her enough to let him stay over. So you would appretiate a little respect back. My mum had this approach with me when I was young, and I felt a lot more mature and in control. I have 2 daughters of my own now, and I'm dreading the days of "boyfriends". Goodluck.

Answer 10

At the end of the day, if you don't let them sleep in the same room, then you are not trusting your daughter. . . . . . . . . also tho if you do not they are going to sleep together if they really want to, and atleast they are under your roof where no harm can come to your daughter, where if they are at a party or in a park it then gets dangerous!!!!! Good Luck x x x

Answer 11

I can't imagine if i'll be the one having kids, if they will still ask me if their bf/gf could sleep over or they would ask in a very young age.

If i am to be followed i won't allow it, good heavens she's only turning 16! But then again, we worry that if do not allow they would rebel againts us and all, so it would come down to okay...he can sleep over but...BUT there are cetain rules to be followed - like sleeping arrangements, time of sleep, if her bf parents is okay with it as well.