My father may have pancreatic cancer and I'm scared. How do you deal with death?

Answer 1

This is always difficult. American society is downright phobic about death compared to a lot of others.

I know my girlfriend was (and perhaps still is) phobic about it because of the lessons she'd absorbed about death when she was a little girl in Sunday School.

For whatever reason, I've never had a problem with death, just with funerals; I want to hold onto my memories of someone as alive and happy, not have them replaced by that of a body in a casket, which is what happens for me. Perhaps it is because I moved so often when I was little, I learned early on how to protect myself from the pain of permanent separation. So when someone dies, it really is no different for me than when a friend moves away across the country.

But I know, for example, that my girlfriend was shut down entirely by the passing of her grandmother. It took her a week to get back on her feet and be able to really function, I think. But she also had professional help, as later that week she was entering an inpatient pain management clinic at a hospital.

What I would do if I were you is to simply try to make the best memories out of what time you have left with your father, if your fears are realized. Treasure your time with your father. And if he does end up having cancer, support his decisions about treatment. Try not to second-guess it. And there ARE professionals out there that can help with this kind of thing. Check with a local end-of-life care facility for references. Lots of people go through this, and most of us don't know how to let go, how to allow others to die with dignity, how to say "It's OK."

Don't know if this is any help at all.

Answer 2

Everyone deals with death in different ways. It is very much dependant on your personality.
You say your dad may have pancreatic cancer, do a google search on it and read all you can. Become informed. Talk to your dad, your family, about your fears and concerns.
It may be treatable, many cancers are these days. Be there for your father and the rest of your family.

The first year is usually the hardest. My parents passed away about 12 months apart.
My brother has cancer (leukemia) and has had chemo and stem cell therapy. The next (and last) option is a bone marrow transplant. This may or may not be successful, but it is his call.

Answer 3

Grieving for the death of a loved one is a multistage process. An easy search will show you the stages. But, what it won't do is help you feel better.

Right now you need to understand that we ALL have to go at some time. And even if that is not a comforting thought it is at least the reality of it.

You could have come home and found out that he died in a car accident. You would have never been able to say anything to him before he left.

Now is your time to be with him and talk to him. Tell him that you love him. Tell him all the things that you were ever afraid to. Make peace with him and enjoy every moment with him.

My sympathies go out to you. My father died of cancer and it was not easy. but towards the end he was in so much pain it was a relief to see him go.

My prayers to you and your family.

:o)
Jerry

Answer 4

Spend lots of time with him and be happy. This will give fulfillment, and when and if he is gone you can try to find peace in his fulfillment and happiness. Spend time now doing things he loves and making him as happy as he can be. Help him to do things he never thought he could. Later when you think back on it all, you will be satisfied with the lives you lead together and your impact on his life. It will always be hard, there is no way to suck the pain out completely. But lots and lots of love and happiness will make it a healthier and much more productive grieving. Trust me, I've been there.

Answer 5

Take a look at the site below which explains many misubderstood things about the cancer industry, and has some natural cures too.

Cancer
http://dgwa1.fortunecity.com/body/cancer.html

Answer 6

Mourning is a painful experience but accepting that death is a part of life eases the pain a bit.

Answer 7

Don't think thay far..enjoy what you have now with him,otherwise you will regret not having taken the time to do so...deal with the other part when it comes...he may live longer than you think!!