I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 50, i love him more than iv'e ever loved any one, we have a 2 year old daughter together, But the biggest problems are----He never takes me out any where, he is never horny------he doesn't want to have sex any more-------and we are constantly financially burdened, and never have any money i work and we still dont make enough. lately iv'e been really resentful, i try to ask him out and he never wants to go anywhere, he falls asleep every night and never wants sex. should i leave him or should i just accept him if i love him?
2006-10-02 19:57:16 · 18 answers · asked by creativebeloved 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First thing - this first part is an edit - I just saw the answer above mine and please don't listen to that - this is not little things and maybe she didn't read your question - you didn't marry him and take any vows.. but I am sure you plan on being with him for better or worse anyway - The point is these things that you want and need aren't "griping over little things" - these are the only things or major things (finances) in life - they are the major things - enjoying time with someone you love - making love -these are big things - things a human needs - affection - it sounds like you are just craving his attention and affection and that he is just far away right now and not realizing your needs - so please don't listen to any answer that says to settle or stop wanting this - don't - don't ever.. you will age quickly if you stop wanting to live - don't do that for anyone - you need to live the life you want to live and he loves you so he should give that to you..
Okay so here is my original answer before the edit:
I was with an older man for a while - when I was 23 - he was 43 and that age difference was a big one.. it would have been more so if we were still together cause he would be just about 50 in a year or two.
Men are in their sexual peak in their 20s-30s. Men get tired in their 50s and lose interest in sex somewhat and in going out and you are young and vibrant and energetic and are not getting your needs met.
Is he willing to see a dr about going on Viagra &/or antidepressants - as some men age they get depressed from retirement,physical pain, etc - they feel age coming on and it brings them down.
I would think that having you for his beautiful gf would keep him young but he sounds tired. Why doesn't he work and bring in any money?? You should not have to settle when you are unhappy and if this man loves you - there will be some way to make him see - to make him understand that you are not getting what you need from him - emotionally, physically, financially or otherwise -he is just not being there for you.. he made a daugther with you and he has to wake up - this is his life - you are his life and his daughter - it is like he is missing the whole thing.
That is what makes this age difference such a difference though- it makes it tough. He made a committment though by giving you this child so he has to be there as a bf and a father - he sounds depressed.
I would recommend couples counseling - there are placed that take payment on a sliding scale fee or maybe you have insurance to cover it - but you need to get all of this frustration out and he has to realize your pain.. can you write him a letter - would he "hear" that more..??
See if that is a possibility - the dr, Viagra or something and an antidepressant - and can you ask for a raise or can he get a job - are you eligible for state assistance? Find out what your options are and just drag him with you- don't settle for being unhappy - not so young.. he should want to keep you young and it sounds like you are aging from him being so down all of the time and not wanting to do anything.
Also - try to get together with friends and go out - don't let him keep you in the house - maybe then he would realize what he was missing out on - see you all dressed up or something and say - hey I don't want her going out like that alone, etc - that might work.. just try to live your life - embrace your youth- make him come around by explaining to him that this is killing you inside - that you love him for his companionship and that you love making love to him and that you miss him even though he is right there he isn't - he is unreachable and let him know that you need to find a way to reach him
Good luck.. sorry u are hurting :(
Try to smile and have fun - hopefully he will come around
:o)
2006-10-02 20:18:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your man has problems with his male functionallity, the reason you don't have sex anymore is because he's not able to. The only way to resolve this specific issue is to go to the doctor and try to find help, as it is a medical condition. If you love him, and you are happy, there is no reason to go. You can still kiss, hold hands and be intimate without sex. He may also suffer from depression, it might be a good idea to get him to loose some weight and try to get him to go out to places like ball games and things he'll be more up to for a start. Work on this, you can make it work and be happy.
2006-10-03 03:09:03 · answer #2 · answered by mortierella 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You knew he was much older than you when you got involved. So if your woman enough and if you truly love him you will accept him the way he is. You have a daughter with him. Life is to short to gripe over little stuff.
Remember you took a vow with him, for better or for worse. Think it over because if you do leave him for something so stupid and naive you will regret it!
Oh and don't worry about what others say about the age difference. Because age is just a number. Besides he isn't old. Old is when your in your 90's
2006-10-03 03:15:08 · answer #3 · answered by Humming Bird 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a hard position to be in. Before you decide anything, both of you go see a marriage councilor. Tell him what you feel and what you are going through. He may have a medical problem and there is medical help he can get that will fix the sex problem. You and he has a little one that needs both of you together. I am not saying to stay with him forever if things do not get better, but before throwing it away, get help first. I hope this helps
2006-10-03 03:06:37 · answer #4 · answered by Doug favors universal insurance! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you should stay since u love him so much..you shouldnt dump him just because he doesnt wanna have sex..and the fact that hes 50..hes not really up to doing anything anymore. any 50 year old man is like that..they loose the temptation stuff..if he doesnt wanna go out..maybe u can cook a nice dinner for him if u have time after work..how about ur parents? maybe they can help you out too
2006-10-03 03:02:56 · answer #5 · answered by Miss E 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The sex problem is age you can get medical help with that.That will also give him a better attitude. Financial burden is a part of marriage .Forget his age and work it through it.
2006-10-03 03:02:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I hate to be the one to say this, again, but age sometimes is more than a #. You heard? He's half your age. Anyway you are young and you only have one child. Your life is not over, it just started. My mom used to say " I can do bad all by myself, I don't need nobody else to starve to death." If u unhappy u need to do what is best for u and your child. Hands down.
2006-10-03 03:05:31 · answer #7 · answered by inneedofhelp 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he may be too old for you. You have so much to do in your life to be just sitting around watching him sleep! If you do love him and want to stay with him you should still make a life for yourself with friends. Go out and find fun, take your little on with you! Your man may sit up and take notice and get out there with you.
2006-10-03 03:00:48 · answer #8 · answered by Melody 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you love him, you accept the way he is. You knew his age from the get go! It's no secrete that older men slow up! You can not look at some one and not know they are old!
2006-10-03 03:02:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
this it wrong from the start ..
the man is very old how can u accept such a relation .. he is twice older than you.. why ??
do u like old men ?
u take your decision ..and u know men after 50 r not that horny any mmore
2006-10-03 03:06:37 · answer #10 · answered by mazen71j 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋