Need advice on how to cope being married to a trucker...?

Question

Hi,
I have been married for 4 years now to my soul-mate. I love him with all my heart. But now he is out of town and never home anymore because of his job. He is a truck driver and now he lives in a trailer with 4 other co workers. I am very lonely and miss him so much that I stay depressed all the time now. I cry now at the drop a hat (so to speak). I found him this job so he could get off the road and be home more. But now they have moved him to a town 4 hours from home . When I call him he is always to busy to talk long. He is either playing cards with the guys or going shopping or watching a movie. And when I call him on his cell while he is working he always cuts me short because he wants to talk with the guys on the CB.
We fight all the time now when we talk over the phone. I ask him to look for another job where he can be home more and he always brings up the good money he making. But my point is HOW do I keep our relationship together when we are never together anymore? :o(

Answer 1

Aww that is sad.. right now he is just focused on making money - giving you a good life - but to you a good life would be with him - not his paycheck.. I would agree of course :o)

I wouldn't fight with him on the phone - try to make the best of the time that you have with him - don't spend it fighting and try to find some things that you like to do - clubs, groups, activities, hobbies, sports, working out, getting a dog or pet, friends, etc - keep yourself busy so you don't always concentrate on him not being around - though I am sure it doesn't take much thought to feel his absence. :o(

You have expressed how you feel so maybe you should let go for a while and just make the best of the time you have with him - He must like his job - and I know that hurts - not that he likes it but that he seems to be liking it more than you - or spending time talking to or with you - but don't think like that.. try not to. He thinks that he is providing for you and has made some friends and he is happy I guess.

You have made yourself clear - give him some time without mentioning it - go do things - make him miss you now.. maybe when he starts to call and you are busy or out or not home - maybe then he will see what is happening but sometimes when all they hear is us complaining at them, etc (which is not what you or I mean to do :o) - they don't want to come home - to that.. Try to focus on you - do things that make you happy -if you are not sure what those are - find out now - take this time for you and leave this time to him

He loves you and that is hard work- you know that.. let him miss you and think about what he is missing out on. He may tire of this soon - just give him some time. You may want to see a dr for some antidepressants though just to give your mood a boost right now cause this is so hard on you - that is ok .. I would.

My bf constantly talks about doing this and your fear - in your question.. your reality that is my fear - that I would not see him and how can we be a we when he is not here.. so I understand kind of what you are going through but what you are saying and doing isn't working.

Try to cheer up - let him play with the boys for now - he will miss you cause he loves you and sooner or later - let's home sooner - he will come home to you where he belongs. Is moving closer to that job an option for you at all? Something to think about - I know these suggestions are hard cause none of him bring him to you but eventually he will realize what he is losing and he won't want to lose you -

Sorry u are hurting :o(
Try to smile though - I hope he comes around..

Answer 2

Being married to a trucker is one of the hardest situations you can find yourself in. My husband used to drive over the road too, so I understand the lonliness you feel, especially at night. I had a 10 hour a day factory job, plus two kids, so I kept very busy. But nights were the pits. And even though the company would promise to have him home on weekends, they seemed to forget where he lived at times. How did we keep it together? My husband actually solved it for us. He couldn't handle being away from his family and missing out on all their activities. So he got a job as a school bus driver, so that he could be home every night. as well as between routes, helping me get some of the housework done so that we could spend more time together at night. Now it sounds like your fella is liking his job a little too much. He needs to find time to connect with you, whether it's over the phone or through the mail. You need that connection, and whether or not he agrees, he does too. Without a constant renewal of your relationship, things will tend to die off. You can't keep the home fires burning if you don't keep throwing wood on it. If there's any way you can get away from your house for a day, I'd say you should drive to where he's at and tell him "surprise" you're spending the day with him. I'm sure he doesn't work 24/7, and has some time off sometime. Even though it's a 4 hour trip, it's do-able in one day. Even if you can meet up with him in a town halfway in between, it's better than nothing. And since he's making good money, you can afford to spend that time over a simple dinner or a movie. You both need time to connect. I know you know it too. Is this a job that will move once the job is done? Maybe it will move closer. At any rate, you and he need to talk about this face to face. Being married for only four years still makes your marriage pretty young, and you both need to have more years under your belt before putting that much stress on it. I seriously think he DOES need to look for a closer job...one where he can be home every night. The money ain't worth nothing if you're both not enjoying the fruits of his labor. It's better to live simply that to live alone in your marriage. <*)))><

Answer 3

I know how lonley it can be I too am married to a trucker we have been married for 13 years and he has been driving for almost 11 of those years. The money is good and i respect the fact he is willing to work hard to support his family however in the beginning I rode with him in the truck for about a year got tired of that so i went to truck driving school and we teamed and doubled our money and we were toegther all the time you could possibly mention that you love and miss him and what would he think of the idea of you driving with him? Then you can travel toegther but you would have to be able to handle being toegther 24/7 and on the go. However then you can say that you worked just as hard as he does and have helped earn the same money that buys you the stuff you all get toegther.Good luck and God Bless

Answer 4

This is a tough one. It's not a simple fix such as saying "It's your job or me". No one likes to get cornered or made to feel that their backs against the wall. Next time you talk to your husband, ask him if he can make some time so that you 2 can talk about what's been on your mind. Tell him how you feel. As hard as it may be, try not to make him feel convicted or be careful not to fly off the handle. This tends to happen when we harbor our feelings too long. Explain to him that you love him and that you are happy that he has a job that he enjoys doing but you feel that your relationship is suffering immensely from all the time spent away from each other. See what he has to say. If he just can't fathom where you are coming from or that it's NOT that BIG a deal that alot of time is being spent away from each other, you have 2 options: Either accept the circumstances for what they are OR explain to him that this is simply not going to work for you. The answer to your question: "How do I keep our relationship together when we are never together anymore?" What's to keep together when there's NOTHING to keep together? Good luck hon. Sounds like some serious decisions need to be made.

Answer 5

I hate to be a bearer of bad news, but I see some real problems in your marriage. I was raised in a family of truckers, and one of my sons-in-law is a trucker. What you are describing is not typical of truckers.

I believe there's a lot more to it than he's just not home. The fact that he cuts you off on the phone and is gone so long, and that you fight on the phone so much, tells me the problem is far more than his trucking.

I really hate to sound like "Dear Abby," but I think you need some professional counseling -- NOW!!! There are reasons he cuts you off during phone calls, and I don't think it's because he's "talking to the guys."

One thing I think you need to realize is that you cannot keep a relationship together all by yourself. It's a two-way street, and he doesn't seem willing to do his part in it. Not knowing you, and not having the ability to see the whole picture, I can only say what I said before. Get counseling. Talk to someone. Don't keep this penned up inside yourself, and don't think you can handle it alone. You need someone to talk to who can give you some caring, but unbiased, thoughts on your problem.

I hope you find an answer, but it won't be in a short answer here. Get help, and I honestly wish you the best in this.

Answer 6

This may sound bias because I am a man. It takes a strong woman to be married to a OTR truck driver or a military man. They are gone all the time. Hubby does have to realized that you are alone all the time as well. Despite the money he brings in, you need his company as well. if you speak about the problem in a way like telling him his job is taking to much as his time from you, he will always revert to saying it's good money. You must kindly tell him how much you miss him or need to have him close by more often. Work on getting him to think that it is his idea to stay at home more. and lastly when talking on the phone don't talk about the same sore subject (hes gone to much). talk about anything else, find out what he wants to talk about. If all this doesn't work, get your CDL and go on the road with him.

Answer 7

Not knowing too many of the specifics, it would seem that the obvious answer would be to move to the same city he is in. That of course, wont exactly fix the single lifestyle your husband seems to be happy living.

I guess the first step would be to present the idea to him and hopefully the resulting discussion may cause him to see the severe contrast between your lives as it is now and what you envisioned and hoped for the day you both said "I do". The day you both agreed a life lived together is much more fulfilling that a life alone.

From there hopefully, what ever you decide will be based on something more substantial than money.

Answer 8

I suggest discussing with him about moving closer to his job location. If he doesn't agree with this then fine, start doing your own thing. Get your own hobbies or activities. Join community groups or social groups. Hang out with friends or family. Don't stay at home and mope all day. I know it's hard when your spouse is away...my husband's in the Navy and there are times when I don't see him for a stretch of 6 months...sometimes without as much as a phone call until he gets to port but I have my own job, activities and hobbies and it makes the waiting that much bearable.

Answer 9

You two should sit down, and make time for a serious heart to heart, or your marriage could be in SERIOUS trouble ( if it isnt already). You need to let him know that he needs a new job, even if its at pizza hut, because the money he earns isnt worth the cost of your love for one another. I always tell my husband, "as long as were together, thats all that matters. Even if were living in a box under a bridge, thats all I need in my life." Just something to think about. If hes not willing to make an adjustment for the sake of your marriage, I think you might need to look at your life long and hard, and see if you can continue on like this.

Answer 10

Can you move closer to him? Why don't you become a truck driver so you can listen to the radio? if he loves you he should make time for you,\. my boyfriend doesn't even notice I'm in the house i don't know whats worse knowing that are 4 hours away or living in the same house and feeling 50 hours away, good luck