OK, long story short. My ex recently got into contact with me and basically apologized for being a jerk and ending our relationship. We met up once last Saturday and he said that he still has feelings for me. I'm happy, but being with him reminded me of what we had and I want it back. He hasn't spoken to me since then and I don't know what to do.
I want to end everything because I don't want to keep guessing if he wants to get back together not. I hate feeling like this. I hate waiting and not knowing what to do, or how to act. I should probably give him some time seeing as how he just got out of an abusive relationship. Any advice would help.
2006-10-02 19:06:14 · 13 answers · asked by Darunik 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
He does need time- to get to know himself. Anyone does that was in an abusive relationship - they have been "beaten" down and need to build themselves back up again - to be healthy and in order to have anything to really offer in any future relationships. Give him that time -
It also sounds like you can use this time to build up your self esteem, self worth and confidence. No one else should ever complete us and healthy relationships are based on wanting that person in your life - not needing them - there is a line and it sounds like you are on the wrong side of it.. getting so depressed - even suicidal over the fact he may not come back.
It sounds like he cares about you - he came to tell you sorry and that should mean something to you - regardless of what happens in the future. The best you can wish for in this world is that break ups end amicably - if they have to end.. that you have been blessed or something that you ever were with that person and fortunate enough to take a piece of them with you- each person we come across is a tiny - or big part of who we are.. - But they can' t make us who we are entirely.
This guy does not create and destroy you - no matter how great he is - you can' t give anyone else that power. We have all had times where we felt like we couldn't go on cause it hurt so badly but this is about being a stronger person - growing from this - no matter which way it goes.. he came to you and aplogized and I would respect him for that, give him the time he needs - if he comes back to you -he is yours - if he doesn't.. he can't be - not now. And - if you love him you will understand that - you know??
Try to get him out of your mind so much - focus on your own individual happiness - people want to be with confident people who can offer us who they are and trust us when they give themselves to us - people don't want to be with people that may be suicidal if they change their minds or if things don't work out.. I know it hurts and it sucks - I know that but you will get through this - whether it is with him or without him - right now you have to get through this alone. Come out stronger - not weaker.. do things you like to do - keep busy - meet other people, date - get out there.
The worst torture we can do to ourselves is live in the past with what ifs and why nots.. we can't do that to ourselves or we would all be suicidal or gone by now - you can't live like that - it is no way of living.. You are in the here and now - you had what you had with him and it was special. I know he cared for you when he came to say sorry but part of him did not consider the effect it would have on you - how he just put you back to wishing he was with you - in a way it was not fair to you to do that - to say those things if he wasn't going to act like he meant them..
He needs time - I would give him that. I wouldn't call him and ask him about what he said - he said what he said and if you know him and trust him - have some faith - let him heal from his past - and you have to heal from yours.. if you both do that you can share something beautiful together and offer each other all of you but you can't when you are half in the past and half in tomorrow - you can't. And you have to move on even if he never moves on with you - don't forget him.. remember how much he cared - how he came to you cause he cared - cause he has feelings for you - and though you want back what you had - instead of wishing for what you may not be able to have right now - be grateful that you had it once - and maybe you can have it again.. but YOU have to be ok even if you don't.. our hearts go through so much pain in life when we feel like things can't go on - these are the trials that make us stronger - that make us more - that give us more to offer - there are others out there- don't forget that.. No one is worth ending yourlife over - never give someone else that much power over you. You have to be a complete person first - with your own life and happiness and so does he- you cannot be codependent on him for your happiness - take this time to find your own and have faith that things will unravel as they were meant to.
:o) cheer up you~
2006-10-02 19:20:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My opinion, why dont you try to move on. Life is short and not to sound bad or sluty or anything but there are a lot of nice decent people out there. Why well i think ive been through what you're going thru. The whole "yea we broke up but there's still something and then we get together and the same problems all over again so we break up again and then we miss each other and a never ending story."
I miss my ex-boyfriend a lot, I would do anything to feel the way I felt when I was with him, REALITY CHECk if we are not together well there's a reason, so I do think we both deserve and have the right to move on.
I think only you know your story, then again your situation might be different, its not bad to give second chances, but when you are already giving the 10th chance, think about it. Good luck!
2006-10-02 19:20:05 · answer #2 · answered by antoni_m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-01 21:19:29 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your ex might be looking for someone to lean on. But then again, when we are low we look to those who we were close to to pick us back up. Be very careful about him. He might just be lonely and feeling hurt more than having real feelings for you. Try not to let your heart control your mind; keep your eyes wide open and just be aware of what could be happening. Try to be his friend and support him, but be wary and let him know that you won't let him use you as a life raft and that you won't have your heart trampled on.
2006-10-03 14:23:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are playing with fire, but it may not burn you if you're careful. If this guy has feelings for you he should call you soon, but then again he might be thinking the same thing and maybe you should call him.
In fact, I would take the initiative and call him. However, be careful of your feelings -- you sound like you're almost too anxious to have a boyfriend. Being too anxious can lead to tragic results. I would pursue it, but with due caution.
2006-10-02 19:11:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are making his life more important than your own. You could begin to look at the relationship realistically. Remove yourself from the situation if you do not like the guessing game. You have the choice to control your feelings even if you can't control how someone treats you.
If you are feeling suicidal please contact a helpline and see a therapist.
2006-10-02 19:17:24 · answer #6 · answered by Laughing Libra 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to focus on finding happiness and peace within yourself before you can pursue another to share it with you.
2006-10-02 19:07:55 · answer #7 · answered by Michael 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call him, just tell him you were thinking about him. And wondering how he is doing. Then let him make the next move.
2006-10-02 19:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just take it easy for a bit. Take some time off, and get your mind off it. Then tackle this after you are rested.
good luck
2006-10-02 19:08:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please just keep your heart and mind close to God,...i have the same exact dilema last weekend and I am going thru many feelings that confuse me inside....I don't know what to do either.
2006-10-02 19:14:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋