I recently started a new job, and tonight I worked with this guy who was really nice and easy to get along with. He's a minister in training, and works with some kind of ministry that advocates abstinence (sp?) for teenagers and youg adults. He even gave me one of their CDs, although I haven't listened to it yet. The guy is really nice (but I have no plans to date him, it's not like that), but if I work with him I feel he has a right to know about my sexuality (gay) and how I feel about his stance on homosexuals (if negative). I plan on listening to his CD out of his politeness, but it would be difficult coming out to this individual -- even though he should know already, given I wear a "gay pride" bracelet. How should I confront this situation?
2006-10-02 18:55:50 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Clyde, if I work with someone four days a week for 4+ hours each day, we're not gonna sit around and talk about the weather, you idiot. If the person feels connected eneough to tell me this aspect of his life, maybe I just feel that I should tell him something. You are an ignorant bigot. Put the gin and juice down and go to bed.
2006-10-02 19:04:43 · update #1
Sorry to be negative, but I have been around creeps like that many times. Your "out of his politeness" is the giveaway. He has worked you like a used-car salesman. I am from North Carolina and believe me I have dealt with lots of psychos. The only preacher-men who are truly okay are the ones who do not have a CD to which you are compelled/manipulated to listen.
You will probably have to learn this lesson the hard way. This guy sees you as a weakling and strives to use guilt about your homosexuality against you. Its all a big domination-game.
I would tell him I am not interested in listening to the CD and give it back (say you have your favorite genre, and this is simply not part of it)
Don't come out to this person. If he asks about your bracelet, hold it up to his view and say "gay pride" , then laugh a friendly laugh. I wouldn't be excessively rude, but it is important to let this dog know you are not afraid of him, even if you are.
Trust me, these guys are *all* CREEPS. It doesn't matter the specific details he is up to, the general thing is he wants dominion over everyone around him. I have seen dozens of them. Nice sincere christian people show respect in not pushing it on others. Guys like this one have a heart of darkness!
You will NEVER win this guys approval. The best that can be achieved is a polite stand-off, a malice-free coexistence. I have learned to do this easily and naturally. I never, ever come out. I evenly answer their inevitable "are you married" query, then their "do you have a girlfriend" with NOs and grin a little to show I am amused, not embarassed. I answer their religious stuff with an "I am agnostic" and "Yes, I 'believe in evolution.'" If they go on about "homos", "the gays", I don't let it get to me--I don't bite on their hook.
Good Luck!
2006-10-02 22:07:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be yourself, talk about whatever or where ever the conversation goes. You don't have to hide who you are or what you believe or what you do in life outside of work but you don't have to make a point of your orientation unless it comes up as part of regular conversation. Now, if the CD screams anti-gay chants... ya might have a different decision to make :) but that's probably not going to happen.
2006-10-02 19:22:36 · answer #2 · answered by Alex62 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Working with him gives him no rights about your sexual life. It's bad taste to discuss it gay or straight. You've made it obvious by wearing the bracelet. Leave it at that and focus on work. Listen to the CD, as you said, to be polite. If it seems that the content is his way of asking, or of trying to steer you on the "right path", THEN address it face to face. Neither of you should be trying to convince the other of what is "right". Modern social theory aside as to what is "right", the workplace is NOT the place for such discussions. If your relationship as co-workers develops into a friendship outside of work, then perhaps it will be a topic you both wish to discuss.
2006-10-02 19:15:26 · answer #3 · answered by Casperia 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't seem like they're appropriate topics to discuss in the workplace. Religious beliefs, politics, sexuality, etc. can make co-workers uncomfortable. He doesn't have a "right" to know that you're gay. This is a professional relationship not a personal one. Be very careful with this situation. If he's anti-gay he could make this a living hell for you.
2006-10-02 19:21:44 · answer #4 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you Have to tell anybody? It's nobodies business but your own. By telling the world you invite ridicule. Everybody is entitled to their opinions and not everybody is going to be as accepting as some people are. Besides I wouldn't know what one of those bracelets looked like myself and I have family that's gay.
2006-10-02 19:06:06 · answer #5 · answered by lifhapnz 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't say anything yet.You have the right to wait and tell him whenever you feel like it.I work with Gay people before and I figure it out by my self,it did not make any difference.
2006-10-02 20:51:39 · answer #6 · answered by VIANNEY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sean, even though you work closely with this guy, that does not mean you have to tell him everything about yourself. (And quite frankly, I think that it's sort of odd he gave you that CD, since it has nothing apparently to do with the workplace jobs you two share.)
If he asks, talk about your sexuality (in general terms). Otherwise, keep things to yourself. It's nice to have friends at work, but remember that in general, they are not like other friends we have outside of work, people we do things with or people we confide in about our private thoughts and such.
Talk about things you two have in common and you both feel comfortable talking about.
2006-10-02 19:13:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
seriously, from one gay to another, I don't see why you are making this a big deal, you act like you need to tell him this big thing, but you don't have to, you are acting like you being gay is a huge thing and it needs to be subjected to his opinion, the thing is- being gay is just another trait you have, so unless you also feel as strongly about telling him about your rock collection as well, then I don't think you should. just curious about this- but what do you think that would accomplish?
2006-10-02 20:10:30 · answer #8 · answered by Danielle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I have to side with clyde. Unless it's related to your work, it's best to leave it alone. Unless he brings it up, then you might have an opening to discuss it. I'm not saying hide in the closet but be careful.
2006-10-02 19:11:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you telling him that you are gay isn't a must! who cares what he knows what you do behind close doors or what you prefure for that matter...im not saying hide who you are but there is no reason to tell him unless it is asked or brought up.so just relax and enjoy a nice persons company till it is asked what you prefure in life.
2006-10-02 19:11:38 · answer #10 · answered by brandy t 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋