How does anybody ever get over losing a child?

Answer 1

I don't believe that you EVER get over the lose of a child. You stated "losing a child"? That can mean different things for all women.

While miscarriage seems to be on a diferent emotional level for some women, and accepted as premature development? It too, can be devastating!

Losing a child at various levels of development can be very tramatic. Stillbirths and the lose of a child of some age can alter your life forever! Usually due to the fact that you either experienced the baby's heartbeat or movement or actually had to give birth to a deceased infant.

I will tell you a couple of stories.....bare with me while I try to make my point.

Five years ago I was pregnant. I was 4 months along when I felt the on-coming of contractions. I had a miscarriage. It happened at work, I caught the baby in some paper towels and took it to the hospital. I experienced all the early and slight contractions of childbirth. That March 2nd 2001.

My Mother delivered a boy, full term, but with one lung. Many years ago, he survived for 6 days. To this day my Mother notes his date of birth, January 5th 1982.

I was at work one night. A waitress. An older couple sat down at my station. I went over to their table to get their order and saw the woman all teary eyed? The man got up to go to the restroom.

I asked if she was Ok? She said "I'm OK, but today is my son's birthday and I miss him so much." I said to wish him happy birthday from all of us.

Her tears ran down her face and she tried to hide them. I asked if he was in the Military (seeing her age and all) she said....

.........."no, I lost him 37 years ago today, he died when he was only 3 days old, he couldn't breathe and they told me there was nothing they could do, but I miss him, and me and his Dad are here to have a birthday for our little boy." but you wouldn't understand?

I aksed her how she could still be so sad after 37 years?

She said something that has stayed with me for these past 10 years........

"You will never forget the "knowing" feeling, emotion and memory of giving birth."

BEING pregnant is a great joy, giving birth is a tremendous gift, losing a child is like the death of a very special part of a woman that will never be regained.

"How does anyone ever get over losing a child?"

They don't...................they remember, they recall, they weep.

Some months later I became pregnant again. I had a beautiful baby girl that is the joy of my life! I do think of the 2 babies I lost. I note thier lives as precious as I do the child that lived to watch Seseme Street, Clifford the Big Red Dog and announce that she just made a big poop in the potty!

You may not ever get over it................I haven't. But that's OK.

Answer 2

Some, like my mother never do. She lost her first child at 18 months old from meningitis. She is very old now and it has ruined her life.
When you lose a child the spirit leaves the body to the other side. It can come back to visit but not in physical form. If you see items moved around the house this is proof. Every person has a time to live and a time to die. If your work on this earth is done you can exit. Sometimes children exit to force their parents to go on and to learn the meaning of loss and love. There is a reason for everything in the universe, even death.
No one ever wants to lose a child but it happens many many times per day. If we let it destroy us we welcome death. Grieve, cry, yell, scream, and move on. God loves us all.

Answer 3

It's hard. It hurts some days more than others. But I find not thinking in the present as to what phase of life they may be at, helps. Because life has many twists and uncertainities what we like to imagine them to be at different ages is not always the path they would have taken or choosen. I look at the photo daily and I just send up a prayer that this child I had a hand in raising and was blessed enough to know, is at peace and her soul is blessed. I wish you peace of mind.

Answer 4

Never. It gets easier with time, but is always there right below the surface. Ar first it is children her age playing or with a parent in the market, and as the time passes, you look at children and wonder would she have been like this one? Would her hair have turned lighter , or darker? Would she have smiled like her daddy or had her grandma's beautiful voice.?

No, you never get over it, you just tuck everything in the hole she left in your heart, and make it easier on everyone around you. Eventually you even smile again for the few memories you have of her.

Answer 5

I don't think you get over it but you get through it. I lost my daughter 8 years ago and still get emotional sometimes but time does heal.

I am a christian and my faith got me through and still does. If I didn't know my little girl was in heaven and hadn't had the comfort from this I think it would have been much harder for me.

I live in the now. I don't try to contact people who have passed on. I love the kids I do have and thank God for all the blessings I have in my life.

Answer 6

I really do not know. All my life, I have heard that this is the most difficult loss because parents are "supposed" to outlive their children. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

What helped me cope with the multiple losses in my life are a few books. "On Death and Dying" by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross where she describes the five stages of grief and explains that grief is work. The other one is Sylvia Browne's "The Other Side and Back." She is a truly gifted psychic and helps people in their grieving process.

Answer 7

My son died 11 years ago, the pain was unbearablefor a very long time. it's true though that time does help, but not completly heal the pain. it's still there and always will be ,every one is different and there is no time limit to grief, there will always be someone missing from the family, I have my precious memories and hope I never have to go through that again.

Answer 8

You never truely get over it. I lost my son to SIDS 6 years ago and there are still times when I least expect it that the grief will sneak up and get me. The pain will always be there, it's just not as raw as it was then.
One thing that helped me was writing down what I was feeling. Having to put things into words helped me cope with what I was feeling.

Answer 9

Nobody can tell you this,but you have to understand that this is
the way of our life.Nobody knows what plan has God with us so
try to think your child is somewhere in a good place.My family
have lost a very good boy at the age of 20 (in 1970) in a dread-
full accident of work,and even today we miss him very much.
God loves wonderful people and thru them is testing our under-
standing.Ask God to keep his soul in peace.Be brave!

Answer 10

My husband lost his daughter when she was two, it has been 8 years ago, she is still with him in many ways, it takes allot of prayer and faith, if you don't believe, then you will stay very angry for along time, even if you do,you still might....try to be happy with the time you did get to be with them...but nobody can really answer that....God never closes a door, without opening another...GBY...