My husban drinks everyday I'm tired of seeing him drunk everyday. should I leave him?

Question

We have a 3 yr. old and a 1yr. old & we've been married 5 yrs.

Answer 1

No one can advise you to leave somebody but I will give you my story. I stayed with my husband for 18yrs. For about 15 of those he was a prescription drug addict. I wish I would have left earlier. My kids are 15 and 18. This disease has effected them immensely. My advice, for what it is worth, is do yourself and most of all your kids a favor and leave before you get sucked down too. First give him the chance to get help, but realize that no one can help him but himself. If he won't see there is a problem or won't get help, get out. It won't be easy but in the end living with an active alcoholic will be a detriment to your kids. They deserve a father who is there mentally as well as physically. GOOD LUCK!!!!! Remember that sometimes you have to put your feeling first. As a mom we always put the kids first but to be good to your kids you have ot be good to yourself too. You deserve a man who is 100% there for you and your children. A sober man. Would he stay with you if you were drunk all the time? I doubt it!

Answer 2

My wife was drunk every night for 10 years. We had been married for more than 20 good years & then she just started drinking & drinking until I said "ENOUGH".
But did she stop? NO! She did eventually, but not until I made it clear that either she went into treatment, or I left for good.
I am happy to say that she did go into treatment, & she has been sober for 14 months now. Another good thing was that we were already empty nesters by the time she really got down & dirty with the alcohol.

For you it's different. You've got your children to think about. They need a happy nurturing & caring environment.
Having lived with an alcoholic myself, it's hard for me to imagine how your kids could possibly be living in the environment they need with an alcoholic in the house. Living with an alcohloic drains the life out of you, so how can you properly give your children the mother they need, when he's there?

Alcoholism is an addiction, & every addict needs to reach their own personal bottom. For some it can be as simple as an ordinary DUI conviction, for others it doesn't happen until they die.
For my wife it was the promise that her marriage was over if she didn't get treatment.
I can't tell you for sure that your husband will reach his bottom, when he wakes up one morning & his family is gone, but I can tell you this. Your kids will have a better chance at the life they deserve.

Please find this book, it's called "Co-Dependant No More" by Melody Beatty. It helped me a great deal during the time my wife was deep into her addiction. Also contact AlAnon, or CoDa. They are support groups made up of people who are living, or have lived what you are going through right now.
God Bless!

Answer 3

should you leave him? YOU my dear friend are the only person that can answer that question. I suggest you first contact AA and find an Alanon group and attend. This group will help you understand the illness he has, give you some tips to effectively cope with the trials and tribulations of having an alcoholic spouse. You leaving him and taking the children may be what wakes him up and gets him on his way to sobriety. On the other hand, I cannot stand people that say to stay for the kids sake. My mother stayed for the kids sake and ended up raped by him a number of times, beaten by him a number of times and we as children were beaten by him a number of times. The girls (my sisters) were also raped by him on more than one occasion. I suggest it is better for the children to be raised by a single parent that is sober, aware, involved and loving than by the two parents when one is always drunk. Think about it this way: Does it make a difference if you are single parent with your two children in another home or you stay with him and have a two parent home where one is sober, aware, involved and loving while the other is drunk? To me drunk is the same as not being there. What the hell good is he if he is drunk? Find an alanon group and best of luck to you and your two children. I am sure they are lovely and will get you through many hard times that you have ahead of you whether you stay or leave.

Answer 4

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and on and off we drank responsibly, but 4 factors came into our relationship shortly after marriage and now we both drink. I drink wine 4-5 nights a week because of the factors . HE drinks all the night long and it's ( O.K)???? Either way I don't like not being the mom of 3 kids who won't even drink 1 glass and not drive a car.
I just need someone to talk to about it . my kids are sick of my husbands drinking. I'm this close to putting me and my kids first. does that make sence?

Answer 5

Leaving is an option, as it is not in your best interest nor your children's to be around him. But it should be the LAST option. You have to ask yourself if you've exhausted all that can be done for his drinking problem. Remember that alcoholism is a disease, it needs to be cured just like other major illnesses and is very much fatal. The implication of this is that most of the negative things alcoholics do when they are intoxicated is due more to the alcohol than deliberate actions by himself....

Go to an AA group in your area and ask what can be done. Maybe they can help you stage an intervention. Maybe leaving him can be a condition if he doesnt change. When all that can be done has been done, then maybe you can consider leaving him.

Answer 6

What ever happened to for better or worse ? Your husband may be an alcoholic , and if he is it is a disease . Would you leave him if he had cancer ? There is also solutions or recovery programs out there that can help him .
Thank God my husband didn't leave or give up on me . I was very sick too , I drank most of my life & by the time we were married I was at my worst { and still managed to hide most of it }
even after i tried suiside he never gave up on me .
I am now 5 years sober and helping other people is my life now .
Getting help will have to be his idea though . In the mean time if you love him enough to hang in there , there are groups that can teach you how to properly handle life with him without being an enabeler . For more info .call Alanon .

Answer 7

Depends on what he does. If he drinks and goes home and goes to sleep, but his drinking does not affect his job and he isn't a violent drunk, then you might have a chance on changing him.

My step son is like that. He has drank since he was a young teenager (I didn't raise him). his wife came up with a plan. She told him that he can not drink during the week (Due to family responsibilities), but he can drink on Saturday night just as long as he accepts that Sunday is Family day regardless if he has a hangover or not. On Sunday he has to spend time with her and their children. Eventually he got tired of having a hang over on Sunday morning so he gave up drinking.

If he is a violent drunk then you have to take a stand and do what you have to do, which could even mean leaving him. It is for his own good and your safety as well.

Answer 8

My advise to u is to sit down n talk to him. let him know that u r there for him n that u n the kids r a big part of him. tell him that u love him n u don't want to c him n the situation that he is n anymore, eventually he will realize that he have some one that is there for him, it going to take sometime n if he do make a change by slowing down some then support him. let him know that u n the kids don't want to lose him for over anything. All things have a setback, if he gets to the point to where he is taking things out on u then leave n go to a relative to stay, abuse is not the answer. What is ur heart saying?

Answer 9

It depends on a lot of things? If you knew he was a some what alcholic before you married him, WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM? Now if he began is drinking after you were married and got worse after that, then I do forsee a problem. I think that someone with a drinking problem needs to like all things admit to it first! Try talking to him about it, and if that doesn't work then I would divorce. SOmone with a drinking problem usually get's violent, or worse! GOOD LUCK.and remember you have 2 kids you need to think of first!

Answer 10

My Fiancee drinks beer everyday all day, although he never appears intoxicated. I don't know what to do. He says he likes the taste of beer, but he is a alcoholic and is in the first stage of denial. If the drinking poses a threat to you or the children, yes, leave him. Also, there's only so much sh!t one person can take, so when you've had enough, then leave him. Try talking to him, try being a *****. Let me know what works out for you.