what should i do?

Question

i received a letter from a friend of mine who is also a girl. it basically says that she is in love with me and wants to be my gf. i am a lesbian, but i do not like her in that way. i only like her as a friend, and now that she has sent me this letter, i feel hesitant to be around her. it makes me feel uncomfortable. i have told her that i only like her as a friend, but i dont think she really believes me - i think she thinks she still has a chance with me. what should i do, i dont want to keep reminding her that i only like her as a friend

Answer 1

It is too bad she had to put a real dent in your friendship by going about this in this way. I am wondering if she is new to all of this--and she does not know how to naturally approach people--or sense things.

The problem you have is your relationship has forever changed and there is not going back. She did that. I think, as hard as it is, you have to tell her the situation real bluntly. You are not going to be able to be the same type of friends you were before until she adjusts to this. In fact, if her infactuation continues you are going to have to firmly put a distance--for her sake and yours.

Getting back to her inexperience. As part of all this is there a way you could introduce her to some girl(s) that might find her interesting and vice versa--or get her out to socizlize. This would not only be a nice thing to do--but is one way your friendship could possibly be salvaged.

Answer 2

If you have already told her in person that you are not interested, then maybe you need to take a key from her and put it in writing.

Write out that you just want to be friends because you are not attracted to her at all. You appreciate that she has these feelings and are very flattered, but you don't reciprocate. You love her as a friend, nothing more. You hope she will find someone to return those feelings.

I think this will allow her to really understand that you are just not interested in her in this way, and she can start to move on. She might still be in love with you, its not like a light switch one can turn off, so it might take time. Stay her friend, and accept that it might be occasionally be uncomfortable. Don't avoid her because that is rude, just keep being a good friend.

Answer 3

No is No, and unfortunately this girl doesn't understand. I think it has gotten to the point where you have to be a bit firm in what you say because its now affecting you ("i feel hesitant to be around her. it makes me feel uncomfortable") I know she is your friend and all but she needs to understand that you are only her fiend at that's it... so i recommend a strong confronting conversation where you tell her why you don't like her in a romantic way, why you don't want to wreck the friendship already present, and what she needs to do to make you feel comfortable again being around her. Don't baby the situation because you maybe be hit with the guilt trip of leading her on.... good luck and i hope she realises for your sake =)

Answer 4

Jeeze, if she doesn't listen to you, what'll you have to do next, beat her with a stick?
Oh, I'm just kidding. Well, when you say 'reminding her that I only like her as a friend' sounds like you're maybe not prepared to be bold about this. She's already way past the reminding stage and on into the need for firmness (like Gibralter) and clarity (like a crystal).
Only you know best, given her personality and yours, how to most effectively adjust her perspective, how to help/make her see that you're not available to her. I think you'll succeed, if you are candid and kind.

Answer 5

I am straight, and I would find it extremely hard to be friends with any woman that I found attractive. Kinda like in the movie "when harry met sally." Billy Crystal said no man and woman can ever really be friends because the sex would always get in the way. I absolutely agree with that. So, maybe you shouldn't have any female friends because the sexual tension would always get in the way. Just a suggestion, what do you think? Good luck.

Answer 6

In my opinion the best thing is to always be STRAIGHT forward (i know, ironic hehe) Like talk to this girl, clearly tell her you do not see her as anything else but a friend and not really interested in trying something. It can sound a little hard but its not, its just you being honest. If she appreciates you she will understand and enjoy your friendship and if she doesn't well you probably know how that works... not even worth it! good luck miss suicide blonde! =D

Answer 7

Explain that there are several kinds of love - - - Philia, Fraternia, Sororia, Eros, & Agape. Use them as technical terms, research them on the internet or your local library, and become knowledgable enough in them that you can e-mail her a long discussion of what you feel and what you think she feels, and that there can be no why-s, you feel what you feel, and either she accepts that or she proves that she doesn't love you, she loves her illusion of who you are.

Answer 8

suicideblonde,
Well you might forget about hurting her feelings. Just tell her the truth, and if she doesn't listen, invite her to go somewhere with you, like a coffee shop, and talk to her about listening to what you mean.

IF you think that you need to, fail to mention that you are bringing a date with you to the coffee shop and meet her there with your daate. I think that she will get the picture with you and another there.

EDIT: Make sure that you and your date stay close, making it obvious that your friend is not a part of what you've got going.

Answer 9

#248-262-6861 ... this is the number for the REJECTION HOTLINE. Tell her to call it. It will tell her:

"The person who gave you this number did not want you to have their real number. Maybe the idea of going out with you just seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns . ... Do your best to forget about the person who gave you this number because, trust us, they've already forgotten about you."

Enough said, really. You told her your input, that you just wanted to be friend, so if she doesn't listen... maybe the unicorns will get the POINT acreoss.. HAHAHAH!

Answer 10

if you really are friends then you will tell her the truth and make sure she hears you. If she is really your friend she will hear you and understand. tough love perhaps is the only way she can hear you. then you will see if you still have a salvageable friendship or not.