If a family member told you she was HIV+ would you tell?

Question

If a family member told you she was HIV+ would you tell her husband which is your blood uncle, who married her. He knew that she was an escort ( prostitute ) a few yrs ago. So They are married. She is my aunt by marriage. However, when she told me they weren't together. Thery still aren't together and won't ever be. They don't even speak see one another or communicate.They both know that what you tell me i keep to myself seriously no matter what.
So she came and told me this ....neicy i went to the doctor and tested postive for HIV. I get tested every 6 months this time it was positive. I don't want to tell anyone but you. I haven't told your uncle plz don't tell him with his condition. Him being on dialysis 3x a week.
A. would you tell him.
B.You woudn't tell.
C.you have your own story to explain.

This is a poll. Thank You.

Oh my gosh i can't believe i left out the most important part. He would kill her if he test positive. I'm not playing in any way this is a real situation.

He's already done over 13 yrs in jail.

Answer 1

With your uncle on dialysis three times a week and them being apart now there is not much chance of them having sex any time soon. Dialysis is a pretty serious thing to go through and you don’t do it because you are healthy but because your kidneys have failed. Usually after going on it you don’t live very many years. Unless they get back together keep it to yourself as he has enough to worry about now and a sick man usually can’t get it up for sex anyway.

Answer 2

B. No. I would pass on this. You didn't say how long they had been separated or how "active" she may have been at that time. When couples separate, it isn't that unusual for one or both to fool around a bit.

You also didn't say if they separated because she cheated on him and he was betrayed.

She said she didn't want him to know. I don't know about dialysis, but I do know they take a lot of blood tests. Whether the screen for HIV is in those tests, I really don't know. I suspect it is, because with kidney failure, they have to monitor so many other things to test for other potential health problems.

I met a few people on dialysis 3x a week, and it is quite a psychological burden on them. He doesn't need any more headaches at this point in time if there is no chance she gave it to him.

You said she was a prostitute years ago. It is my understanding, that now, three tests, 6 months apart, are a clean bill of health, as per previous activities.

I would make an appointment with the brother's doctor in your case. An appointment binds the doctor to confidentiallity, and your communication is protected by confidentiallity. Ask the doctor in an innocent manner if you could have contracted HIV form the ex, by sitting at coffee with her and breathing her air, since she just tested positive. Confirm your expectation of privacy with the doctor. He/She will definitely order those tests for your brother.

I really think this was an unkind thing for your sister-in-law to put on you in confidence.

You know your brother and his ex better than I do. If they had a child or more, she may be wanting to surrender custody. Could she be running some sort of game, maybe to get his sympathy, reconciliation, or some other reason? Sometimes people do strange things for strange reasons.

Good luck to all of you.

Addendum: While I was writing this too long post, you added that he has a violent side. That changes nothing in my answer.

Addendum2: Sometimes exes get back together for playtime. Discourage him from doing so.

Addendum3: It could have been one false positive.

Addendum4: Wait a second. If he knew she had been a prostitute earlier, why was he not being tested regularly?

Answer 3

If you and your uncle are close you can always say that you are wanting to get tested but you would like him to go get tested with you so that you don't feel nervous.
If that is not an option then I think you should try to talk his ex into telling him and if that doesn't work than you just need to tell him because this is a matter of life and death and the sooner his gets treatment the better quality of life and longer life he will have.

Answer 4

If there is no chance of sexual contact between the two parties, and the have split up and are living separate lives then the answer would have to be

B. I would not tell.

This information has been confided too you as a friend, and as such, if it was me, i would treat the information as confidential.

However if it looked like they were to get back together at any time then i would let me uncle know about her condition as then it would have a direct effect on this life.

Answer 5

I would definatly tell. I wish I had the ballls to get myself checked out for any std's. That ok i dont have sex anymore because Im scared I might

Answer 6

No i wouldnt say anything, but i would point out she has to tell her at some moment.
restraining orders etc. for the rampaging husband.
respect for life period.

Answer 7

If she had hiv at the they were together, u need to tell him... as long as he is in the cleat then I would say no..

Answer 8

if there is the slightest chance that he became infected during the time they were together--you have to tell.
The stakes are too high not to tell.

Answer 9

Yes I would and get him help/

Answer 10

A. I would tell him.
My opinion is that she wants you to tell him and expects you to tell him. I think she is afraid to do it herself.