I had an emotional affair...?

Question

I had an emotional affair with someone close to me and my husband. It ended over 2 months ago, but my husband just found out last saturday. I am devastated and am willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage alive. I ended the affair because i realised that i loved my husband more than life and i wanted to make our rocky marriage work. Is there any chance of a marriage surviving an emotional affair? I have no intentions of ever seeing the man again and my husband says he loves me and wants to believe nothing physical happened... so can this work out?

I think maybe emotional affair was not the right word... i did not love this man... just spoke sexy talk to him.

Answer 1

Lizaa9:

Your husband is dealing with the loss of a freind and the loss of trust in you at the same time. Do not underestimate the challenge that lies before you. Often, in a mistaken desire to "keep things smooth" hasty apologies and forgiveness are expressed, but the greiving and healing process never took place.
In this case, invariably, the net result is a break-up, as the real issues were swept under the rug.

Whty did you reach out to another man for sexual fufillment? Although your husband may not realize it; to the heart, there is no distinction between sexual fantasy and the physical expression.
Are you willing to be brutally honest and tell him where he has fallen short of the mark? In fairness, he needs to know, so that he can try to regain the heat that once caused you to fall in love with him.

Sadly, men often forget that their woman has wonderful imaginations and delicious secret thoughts, aching to be expressed in a "naughty" way to their man. You may have to be very explicit to open the eyes and imagination of your husband.
If you are not willing to do this for him, I can assure you that there will be another temptation that may well result in a similar experience. The heart simply must be filled, and love will find a way.

I believe this experience will act as a catalyst to inject some much-needed steam into your love affair. You can certainly count on hubby being more attentive to your complete sexual desires, and he may surprise you with his new-found zest for a rich, rewarding sex life.

Answer 2

Thanks for a good laugh. The very idea that ANY affair is less bad than another affair is funny. I'm not sure what you mean by an emotional affair being worse than physically cheating- that makes no sense. Unless it's a case of cash for sex- seeing hookers, ALL physical cheating includes emotional cheating. Even if it's just a drunken bar pick up. Your last sentence was hilarious. Physically cheating is just body on body lovin- giving you a physical remedy. WHAAAAT? I suppose that situation is conceivable- I just haven't run into a place where people lay around naked, waiting for strangers to just flop down on top and hump. Even managing to obtain a hooker takes more emotional commitment than you seem to feel physical cheating requires. Cheating is cheating is cheating. Mental, physical, or interplanetary. There isn't bad cheating, OK cheating, or iffy cheating.

Answer 3

I know a couple who have been through 3, yes, 3 affairs among the 2 of them, and they have not only survived, but are actually closer today than I've ever seen them before. It just takes an incredible commitment from both parties, and the knowledge that love can truly conquer all. It won't be an easy journey, and you will need counseling, whether it's through a church or a psychiatrist. There will need to be a lot of soul searching, and a lot of time spent reconnecting with your spouse. I will pray that the both of you can survive this crisis, and come out stronger and closer on the other side. Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 4

Emotional Affairs are difficult to get over, for both parties, let your husband know how neglected and insecure you felt during the Rocky stages, and come to a compromise with one another. A Man's Ego and Pride when damaged is tough to regain when that Trust has been broken. Stay focused on your husband, and keep assuring him that he is the one for you. Go slowly on the "Sexy" talk with him, it may rekindle thoughts about your relationship with the other guy...Good Luck to you, I wish you happiness and Security with your husband.

Answer 5

What would happen if something goes wrong in your marriage againand this men would want to come back into your life would you guys be together again? Well it could be very hard for you because it seems like you attached yourself emotionally to this men and could be thinking of him while you making love to your hubby... It would take time fot everything to work out again and for your husband to build trust again, and for all of you forget what happed

Answer 6

it would have been better if you had feelings for this man. cause now you say you just said sexual things to him... did he get off on it???? did you????? it truly sounds like you were just using this guy to play with sexually then felt guilty about doing it.....try do those things with your hubby use him to play those talk dirty games it may save your marriage your a team remember

Answer 7

Why does he care? men do that crap all the time? Tell him to "get over it" and not to bring it up again. That's what a man would say if the shoe were on the other foot!

Answer 8

this very thing just happened to me. I was never told the truth but was swore to that nothing was going on. I watched with my own eyes my husband and our friend falling in Love.
It was all very emotional, that to me was probably worse than if he just screwed her.
He was no longer mine, his heart was broke for her, and mine was broke from him There was no more our,& no more us. I've tried for 2 years.But it Always on my Mind.
I wish you the best and hope he is a bigger person than me.

Answer 9

Never ever do that to a man. I pity your husband. How dare you even say you love your husband!

Answer 10

It can work out. I was in a similar situation. Came back to my wife with no regrets. I had actually moved in with the other woman. I came to my senses and thank goodness she had me back. Otherwise I fear I would have ruined my life.