We have a 6 year old daughter. She's very good at saying "I hope you die" and then laughing impishly if she is reprimanded. I don't know where she got it except shes been spending time at our neighbors who have 2 unruly and disrespectful kids. She doesn't say it to me but she has said it to my husband before he leaves for work, because she hasn't had her way about something. The 1st time she said it we were shocked. The 2nd time she said it, about 3 weeks ago, he got despondent and hasn't come out of it yet. My sunny, handsome and smart, always slightly amused young husband has suddenly turned into someone I no longer know. The beautiful light in his eyes that I fell in love with is gone. His eyes are lifeless now and he has lost interest in EVERYTHING in the course of 3 weeks. When he comes home he smiles and kisses me and walks off to do his own thing, but even his smile is dull and lifeless now. I don't know what to do to get my husband back? Can anyone give me some advice? THANKS
2006-10-02 16:54:55 · 27 answers · asked by punevil 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like family counseling is in order. Hubby sounds like a case of depression.
2006-10-02 16:57:37 · answer #1 · answered by missourim43 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As a parent, you should explain your child what things that shouldn't be said. Tell her that next time she do it again, daddy and mommy will get very upset. By yelling at her, won't work. You must explain just to make her understand. When I was a kid, my mom didn't want to buy me stuff soo I said once that I hate her and would never talk to her again. SHe replied back not yelling: The reason I forbid you soo, is because it's safer for you...Do you really wish me to die and hate me? Soo if I really die, with who do u want to go live with? Would you be happier? I remember...it made me feel damn guilty...say try to be a bit dramatic...I don't blame you husband but instead of acting sad, he should find a solution to fix it. And better fix it up fast before it becomes a habit to her. She must learn respect.
2006-10-03 00:20:14 · answer #2 · answered by LadyXSakura 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I seriously doubt your daughter's comment is the sole cause of the change in your husband.
If it is, then you've got bigger problems!
It sounds like depression and it could be caused by a bunch of "stuff" in life or by nothing at all (chemical imbalance). At any rate you should talk to him and if it doesn't pass you should urge him to seek help.
I would leave your daughter's comment out of it, it is probably not a factor (unless he is terribly thin skinned and childish?? because kids can and will say MUCH worse to you during their lifetimes so if that is it, he needs to get over it and quick).... and I would keep your daughter away from the bratty neighbor kids, and dont' give her comments any "power" by freaking out or punishing. By not getting a reaction, she will no longer get a thrill by saying something "shocking".
Control who she is friends with while you still can!
2006-10-03 00:08:30 · answer #3 · answered by fierce*flawless 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
1'st off, you should know better than to have your daughter playing with kids who you, yourself say are unruly and disrespectful. Second, if your husband has gone into somewhat of a depression because a child at the age of 6 told him she hates him...he's gonna have a harder time when she's a adolescent and teen saying it everyday. Did you give her a punishment for what she said? Did you make her apologize? It always hurts when your kids say things that are heart wrenching....they are just too young to understand how much parents sacrifice for them. Tell him she didn't mean it, have her apologize and he needs to toughen up and realize that kids always say things they don't mean, it's a part of life and growing up for them. Remember to give her a punishment when she says these hurtful things as well...so she won't do it again.
Good Luck.
2006-10-03 00:04:19 · answer #4 · answered by makeitclap23 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well first tell your husband to chill the hell out...its a kid thing. Then follow your instincts and limit your time with the neighbor kids influence or supervise it better. Hes overreacting and i suppose its easy to do but it sounds like he'll need prozac if the child gets lice or something. Everything works out somehow with children that are so young and impressionable unless youre not a good custodian of their behavior. Good instincts you have there...just tell hubby to lighten up and carry on :)) Good luck.
2006-10-03 00:01:39 · answer #5 · answered by Johnny 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he needs reassuring that he is a good father. Even though she is just a child, when our children say something hurtful like that, we question ourselves as parents. He may be trying to avoid a situation where she could say that again. By keeping to himself, he doesn't feel threatened. You both need to sit down and tell her that this kind of behavior will not be accepted. Explain to her that you discipline her because you love her and if she ever tells one of you that she hates you again there will be consequences to pay. (taking away favorite toy, TV, friends outside etc.) Stick to it and she will eventually know that you will not accept these hurtful words. Reassure your husband that he is a great father and not to be intimidated by these words. If he feels intimidated your daughter will realize this and use it against you. I wish there was a parent handbook to go by. There is not though and we all go through things like this. Have confidence that you guys will work through this. Good luck!
2006-10-03 00:58:59 · answer #6 · answered by Kim M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont know if it was because of your daughter said to him, really hurt him and he cant get over it or not. But do this, tell him that she said it to you, even if she didnt. It will make him then think its not him that she hates it just a faze that she needs to get over. Than tell him that you think its best if all three of yous talk together and sit down with her telling her that those words are very hurtful to others and they are very very wrong, you never want to hear it from her again and that if you or your husband does than she will be growned. Find out who she really heard it from than talk to their parents and let them know that you dont want their kids saying things such as that to yours, if they wont stop than i would get your daughter new friends. You need to show who is the parent and who is the child, and just because she doesnt get her way doesnt mean she says things such as that. This will make your husband much happier. Now wait for about three days after this talk with her, and see how he acts, if still not good than talk to him ask him what is going on with him why is he so different. If he wont open up with you than get together with him do things together just the two of yous, find a babysitter and have a romantic night, candles favorite foods, wedding song, bubble bath. sexy "nighties" and than the the next day do stuff with your family, with your daughter get him closer to her and get that bond really close with her and her daddy. Make it clear to him that his daughter loves him very much. And dont let it look like hes the mean one, when your daughter does something wrong you say somthing to her tell her to go to her room so it wont be all on him, making him look like the bad guy. Also stand together back each other up on your descions. I wish you good luck but i am sure things will work out well.
2006-10-03 00:06:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a daughter also and she is four,and I don't know how sensitive is your husband but at list in my opinion he is probably thinking that you also feel that way,if you are a stay home mom and spend a lot of time with your baby. I think you need to talk to your daughter and make her understand that those words hurt her Dad,also talk to him and let him feel loved and talk about your daughter's behavior with him.And no offense but i think your daughter should know better,she needs a little more respect for her dad.
2006-10-03 00:22:19 · answer #8 · answered by Coco. 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well that sad your daughter says these things to him. I would be upset too! She needs a good spanking and tell her how much it hurts peoples feelings! He needs to grow up some and realize she is just a little girl. Go buy him a fathering book or print some sites that help with depression.
2006-10-03 00:00:46 · answer #9 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is a quality man hurt by his own flesh and blood . Men as tough as they are arent built to handle that . Take your daughter to counseling .
This going to be base , rude and crude and i aplogize for it .
Whatever realy kinky stuff you do for your husband on occasion or maybe you havent done it yet . Do it . Cudle tho a lot . Men are the opposite of women. men use sex to form emotional bonds , woman need there emotional bonds met before they have sex . He is down and down hard you need to be strong for him .
2006-10-03 00:03:25 · answer #10 · answered by bolounit1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has taken the child too seriously. At her age and in he teens they will say things trying to hurt you. But it's just a child's action and shouldn't be worried about to the extreme he is. I would suggest that he get you talk to him about it. If he is going to be depressed further he should see a mental professional. This shouldn't go on like this anymore.
2006-10-03 00:02:35 · answer #11 · answered by Dale 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋