My divorce happened very quickly (six months ago). I do not see my ex very often - maybe once a week when he drops off our kids - but it is very strange. I look at him and see a stranger. Is this normal? Will it last? Can you ever be friends when they cheated on you and are now living with the other woman? Do you get past the hurt and anger? Right now I can not see that happening. Maybe with time?
2006-10-02 16:32:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you can be friends but, just being civil to him is better. That is for your sake not his. I am in the same situation but, divorced for a year and a half. I still get hurt sometimes but, the anger is gone. It took me a long time to realize that holding on to the anger was only hurting me not him.I still believe that what we reap we sow. They will get theres at somepoint..Remember that if you act angry or say hateful things to him(like I have done) it only justifies in their minds that they should of cheated! Being nice can be the best revenge. Good luck!
2006-10-02 16:45:46 · answer #1 · answered by healer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-06 05:57:44 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually, it takes about two years to get over, but you will get over eventually. Everybody does. Yes, he is a total stranger now, and it is totally normal for you to feel this way. This is how I feel about my ex too. We were married for 10 years, and now 2 years later, like it never happened. Even when I see him, it doesn't even ring the bell! :) What helped me a lot though is that I met a person and this person is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know where it will take me, but at least I totally forgot about the ex. It took m efew trials and errors to find him, but I am happy. When my ex filed for the divorce, it seemed like the end of the world to me back then. I ran into a number of psychological problem as a result of that. But now I know that it was not the end of the world, it was a beginning of a new, better world for me. The ex still comes to pick up our daughter every weekend, but I don't see him because he parks outside and waits in his car. We talk over the phone few times a week, but just a small talk, mostly concerning our daughter. The fights time is over.
Yes, you will get past hurt and anger within a year and a half. Try the "Valerian Root" supplement, they sell it in any grocery store at the vitamins section. It really helped me with my sleep. Also try to find yourself and start go out dating within a few months.
My sensere condolences to his new *partner*. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She will never be able to build happiness on somebody else's (yours, in this case) grief.
2006-10-02 16:53:40 · answer #3 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband decided he wanted a divorce because I didn't have time for him and he was having to do to much around the house because I was never home, but I wasn't out running around I worked 9 hours a day then left from work drove 35 miles to my fathers house and made sure he had a bath, got his meds, food set up and all of that because he was dying of cancer and I was the only child close enough to do anything. I also had 3 small children to deal with so yes he had to fend for himself some. I gave him his wish and moved out with the kids then I found out my being busy wasn't the deal he was sleeping with my best friend. Between the situation of him using my father as an excuse and my best friend moving into my house I hated him. When he came to pick up the kids I made sure I had them packed and ready to go and didn't give him a chance to come to the door I sent them out when I saw his car. When I started dating my now husband I finally started to let go of some of the hurt and anger that I felt for him and can now after 3 years be around him and carry on a conversation but I also see a stranger as this is not the man I married. Once you start finding happiness agin you will slowly start to let go of the anger and hurt but you will never forget. Just don't let it interfere with the kids because no matter what they need to know you both love them and are there for them. It also helped me when the bimbo walked out on him now he is all alone!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-02 17:15:56 · answer #4 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's odd, isn't it...to look at a person you lived with and wonder, "who are you?"
I don't know if you can be friends, but you have to be something! And it has to be something good b/c you are both parents to these children. That is what I focus on, we both want what is best for our kids, we want them to be happy and successful. I realized this new stranger is going to be in my life forever and we have to support each other, that is put a united front for the kids. My ex and I want to be able to answer and guide our child with the same ideas. Which means we have to talk, discuss and come to agreements.
I had to let go, forget the hurt and focus on what's important.
Not easy!! Not fun!! It helps if you both are fairly sane and TIME helps most of all. Remember that forgiveness is for YOU, not him...it's for you b/c in forgiving you can find a place for it, find peace and move on.
Good luck!
2006-10-02 17:49:43 · answer #5 · answered by seaelen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been where you are at now with my ex boyfriend and we have a daughter together and it took me a vary long time to get over the hurt and anger and i still feel it and cant look at him the same way .we try to get along for our daughter but most of the time we end up fighting so now that my daughter is alot older i just let her call her dad and try not to have to talk with him so i guess what i am trying to say is that it all depends on the both of you and if you are over being hurt by him ..... give it time and it will all work out one way or another .....good luck and my prayers be with you
2006-10-02 16:41:30 · answer #6 · answered by Christine M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife left 3 mounths ago as soon as she left i started to think of her as a stranger. It is getting easier for me but my kids are still hurting never thought a woman could give up her kids for a man ps i hope you start to feel better
2006-10-02 16:42:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been divorced twice, both of my exes are shrews. One of them is a drug addict who dates prison inmates and the other is so crazy I take great strides to make sure she does not know where I live.
I have a child with the drugged up one, I have tried to be friends with her but heer behavior is so radical that I cannot.
Both of them really make me appreciate my wife, nine years and it actually gets better all of the time.
2006-10-02 16:50:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a long time, maybe after the kids are grown, and then a few years more. probably not good friends thou, just friendly to one another that is until he says the wrong thing.
2006-10-02 16:51:21 · answer #9 · answered by man 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your situation, been there and done that, it has been 3 1/2 years for me now, and for me I truly despised my ex for doing what she had did to our kids and myself. She walked out for another man, and that was really a kick in b*lls for me, but getting back to your situation it is really up to you and how you want the situation to turn out. Now for me I just really feel sorry for my ex that she broke up our family for selfish reason. But on the good news her b/f is kinda a cool dude and I fully trust my kids around him. :)
2006-10-02 16:51:44 · answer #10 · answered by Mark B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋