Husband hve been cheating (serious affair + online girl friends), so have filed divorce. But hope relationship stay amicable as there is a 1 year old son n we prob will be stying in the same house for the next 9 months. Have told him I know. He have flared up/shut down whenever the subject of affair or divorce is brough up even though he is the one who say he wanted it when I told him I know. He has since prentend nothing has happened and continue to lie /cover up when he go dating etc. He is going on a week end escapade which he cover up as a company outing.
Planning to tell him before that. Should I
1. just inform him I have filed a matter of factly
2. Tell him I have give it some thought and it is best for us to split asap and hence I have filed
3. tell him to go tell his married lover the good news and wish him a happy weekend
any other way to tell?
2006-10-02 16:30:27 · 33 answers · asked by peaceful 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sorry peaceful.........but i do like a combination of all of the above....im sure ur hurt as heck..........i always like to seek a little retribution when ive been hurt.......but also, id just be sure that i was leaving........that'll hurt alot for him. also, he'll know that his games were detected.
2006-10-02 16:33:49 · answer #1 · answered by blkhawk51 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is ignoring the matter when you talk to him I don't know that you have much choice. However for your own peace of mind tell him before the papers are served. Don't do as one person has suggested and send them to his girlfriends place. It will just tend to provoke bitter feelings. As a child is involved you are right to keep things amicable. However are you going too far at this stage. Might a separation ( ie: move out and leave him to it) be the lesser of two evils? I realise finance may be an issue but staying in the same house may not be good for you or your son. Whatever you do remember you have to live with yourself at the end of all this so avoid the desire for revenge just get up and get on with your own life.
2006-10-02 19:29:09 · answer #2 · answered by The Guru 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All this advice sounds sensible. You need to stick to your guns now you have made up your mind. I split with a guy (we weren't married or with children so it was straight forward) he was cheating but in the conversation we had I didn't make any comment about the other woman who kept calling him at home! I simply said I thought it would be better for us to go our separate ways, I was worried about his reaction. we carried on living together for a few months and then finally the house sold and that was the happiest time of my life knowing that finally I was free. This is not going to happen for you - you still want him to have a part in your son's life, this can only be positive if you try to deal with the situation in a calm and sensible manner - tell him you think you should go out for dinner to a busy restaurant (you don't want a quiet place where everyone will hear you conversation). Then tell him how unhappy you are, that you want him to continue being a good father but that for yourself the relationship is over. Good Luck, take a deep breath and do as soon as possible!
2006-10-02 19:00:08 · answer #3 · answered by bty180083 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's public record. Call both places to see if he really filed. If he didn't, well then you know he is continuing to lie to you. What should you do? Are you kidding. A guy who risk his marriage, and going to jail to cheat and you really think he is concerned about you? No, this probably wasn't the first time. He doesn't care about any one, but himself. Right now, he's feelin bad and getting you back will make him feel better, that doesn't mean he'll stop cheating, trust me. He wants the wife and he'll be up to no good once he knows he has you where he wants you. Cut your losses and get on with the next chapter in your life. You'll always be wondering what he's doing when he's not with you, it's very emotionally draining. Why put yourself through that.
2016-03-27 02:53:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has done the dirty on me recently too, and now we are financially messed up and things seem to go from bad to worse. In our case though, we are both willing to keep trying, and are getting counselling through the church I go to. If your husband won't face up to what he is doing, then you have every right to continue with the divorce. How you tell him doesn't matter. I had visions of just letting my husband get his papers from a solicitor in the post, and then he'd know. I never filed in the end.
What concerns me is how you are coping with the situation. Of course you are angry, hurt and bitter. Do you have a support network of friends who are looking out for your best interests? Church may not be for everyone but I've had endless, limitless, patient support from my church, so I've given you the website of the church group I belong to, in case you feel you need help. Also here is the link to a website that helps marriages in crisis, particularly following an affair, so please look at it, it might help you make sense of your feelings and will certainly show you you are not alone. Hope you work things out for the best.
2006-10-02 23:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by good tree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex wife sent the police department, when she finally showed up. I knew something was up when she didn't come home from work that night. I was very bitter and that caused a very unamicable divorce so my advice to you is make the split quick, and stick to your values and tell him that there is 1 to many relationships going on! W/O any other info to go on I think #3 would be best unless you think he will harm you then have the police waiting for him, with the paperwork in hand for him.
2006-10-02 16:42:00 · answer #6 · answered by Mark B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying together in the same house is probably not a good idea.. One of you needs to move out and it should be after you calmly tell him you have filed, and why- because of his infidelity and temper. Whether or not it remains amicable is up tp the two of you and how you handle the facts, not necessarily how they are presented.
2006-10-02 16:36:26 · answer #7 · answered by suninmyskies 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wud tell him that you can not handle being together anymore and think it is best for you him and the child if you divorce and that you have spoken to a solicitor either that or write him a letter and stick it in his bag before he goes so he can read it while he is away .
2006-10-02 22:29:08 · answer #8 · answered by stephy200125 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that I've never faced. However, being honest and upfront is the best thing. You should tell him in private, away from your child. If he beomes hostile, you wouldn't want your child to see or hear it. If you fear violence, however, you shouldn't be alone when you tell him.
Sit down with him and tell him that you can't stay in the marriage and that you have filed. He will probably try to talk you out of it, so hold your ground.
Good luck.
2006-10-02 16:36:33 · answer #9 · answered by Cherry 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was me I would change the locks to the house while he is on his dirty weekend and then when he finally comes back ask him for his new address so that any mail (the divorce papers) can be forwarded on again surprise him with those.
2006-10-02 22:37:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number 1---just tell him you filed for divorce. I don't know how you can even stomach being around him when he's rubbing your nose in it. Can you find another place to live? A short term lease?
Good luck to you. You deserve better than that.
2006-10-02 17:39:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋