How do I leave Him?

Question

I've been married for only 6 months; we have a 4 mo old daughter together. I was foolish to believe that he'd change after the baby was born but he hasn't. He has a problem with running away, literally. He did it before I was pregnant, while I was pregnant, and now with a baby at home. My husband didn't come home from work yesterday and won't return my calls or text messages. We had a simple argument. I'm sure he's at his mother's and she encourages him to stay away from me but we have a baby! He doesn't grasp the fact that this isn't high school crap, we're a family now. My problem is, I don't have a job, and I can't stay with him cause he won't change. How do I make it on my own? I can stay with my father while I look for a job but what about my bills and my baby's needs? My husband makes too much to qualify for WIC, or can I do it w/out him? But what about diapers? I just need advice. I know he's not cheating, he just has issues with running away from everything and putting walls up

Answer 1

I'm assuming that both of you are very young, so if he wants to run, let him go to his mother's and be a Mama's boy.

As for you, yes, you can do it on your own. If you can stay with family, do so. You can apply for WIC, food stamps and medical coverage, ALL without him. They'll probably ask if you're married, tell them yes, but he's out of the picture. You have no job, no money, and you need help. They will help you with diapers, milk, food for your baby, clothes, etc. Find out if there is a food bank where you can get free food. Apply for Section 8; that way you can have your own place once you get on your feet. If you have any job experience, apply for jobs in your town or city. Call InfoLine; check for the number in the phone book. They can definitely help you out. They are usually affiliated with The United Way. Contact your local Department of Social Services office, and see what you can find out about child support.

If he decides to come back, tell him you are NOT a revolving door, and he has a decision to make, whether to stay and work things out with you, or stay with his mother and be a child all his life. He has ONE chance with you, to make it or break it. If he decides to run, tell him later for ya!

Think about your daughter; is this the kind of man you want her to be with? If you decide to take him back, and he doesn't change, she will think this kind of behaviour is ok, because Mommy accepted it.

It won't be easy, and with your baby being so young, your body is still healing from giving birth, but you'll be alright. Sit down, take your time, make some plans first, and then get going. Take it one step at a time. Good luck.

Answer 2

move in with your dad, get a job, go back to school, and get help from everyone you can... it will be rough at first and a huge adjustment, but in the long run, it is so worth it.... if you are not happy with your husband, you cannot be happy with your family, and you do not want your child to grow up in an unhappy home... just remember, no matter how hard you think it might be, you can do it... you can make it on your own... stay positive and focused... I went through a similar situation when my son was not quite 2 years old... that was 3 years ago, and I couldn't be happier now... don't stay where you are just cause you don't think there's a way out because there's always a way when you put your mind to it

Answer 3

Kids rarely change anyone so that was foolish to think so. If your father is willing to support you then go.. Your husband is responsible for supporting the baby, and a judge can set temporary orders until if/when you divorce. Your responsibility is to the child you brought into this world so you do whatever it takes to make sure she has what she needs. You CAN qualify for WIC if you are separated from your husband. Now get it together for the sake of your daughter!

Answer 4

I am sorry you are married to a very irresponsible *boy*. It's obvious that mommy is too willing to take care of her little boy. If she had any sense she (the mommy) would tell the boy to sack up and face the life he created and face you as a responsible adult. As for your financial problems, if need be file a legal seperation and file for divorce. That should make you eligible for welfare and WIC. But use the welfare as only a stop-gap measure. Just do not get stuck in the system. Get the schooling you need to make your own life. If he does not shape up. Hit him (and his mommy) for all the child support you can get. About the diapers, save money and buy cloth diapers. Good luck and I wish you well.

Answer 5

Wow! This sounds like irresponsiblitlity. See men (not all) have this issue with what we call life. If you really want out then like you mentioned, move in with you father. After you are moved it go to the public Aid office and let them know that your husband left you. Even if you left him; tell him that he left you. Now at this point they can't include his income and if they try to you let them know you don't see a penny of his money. This should cover WIC and food stamps. Let them know you live with your dad. Once you are situated with your dad apply for daycare action (child care). This is a program that WIC or Public Aid can explain to you. Get you a job and move on with your life. I would not keep trying to contact him. I would just make plans to move on.

Answer 6

In my opinion, people don't change unless they want to. You can make it on your own if you really want to. He willhave to give you child support so that is a start but, before giving up trying writing him a letter if he won't talk and tell him (without going on the offensive) how you feel and ask him to decide whether he wants to be married or not. Sorry, I don't have more advice.Good luck and try to think positive.

Answer 7

Didn't Paul Simon write a song about this? There's at least 50 ways. Why don't you hop on the bus, Gus?

Answer 8

He sounds to immature to be a husband and a father,you will be fine on your own finacially,leave at mummys place and move on!