what is wrong with me?

Question

I've talked to girls before, and I've reached out to some of them in ways in the past, but now a days I've gotten so fed up with relationships and girls, that when I see them in public places, meaning the ones I want to talk to talk to or that catch my eye, I get this blanking effect, where I get nervous, and then I just don't know what to say at all, seriously, I've done this so much that I honestly don't know what is the best way to spark a conversation, for that matter, what to say at all, so what is a good way to get over my nerves, and just go with the flow, I know this sounds pretty sad but I'm at the end of my rope here, I honestly don't know how to get past my nerves enough to actually act like a normal sociable human being, and I'm starting to think that if this trend continues I will never be able to stop it.

Answer 1

I had the same problem when I was young. I wish that I knew then what I know now. I was trying too hard and nothing would come to mind because I was actually expecting too much from myself. That is to say, I had to be able to do what cool people do or that guy in the movies, or on TV. But I couldn't and eventually I blanked when faced with any woman that I was remotely attracted to. I eventually went so far as to try to retain my self esteem by quickly walking past with purpose, like I had something important to do. That way I felt like I was in control.
Sadly, I found out the hard way, years later, that all I had to do was smile and say, "Hi", or some other appropriate salutation.
If the woman is interested, she will respond or make a preening gesture. If she is interested in talking, let it come naturally and be yourself.
If she looks away or otherwise acts like you don't exist, move on.
Practice this on anyone until it becomes a habit. If you work at it, you will improve to the point where you will never have to worry about breaking the ice again.
From there, you can concentrate on the artful conversation.

Answer 2

Gosh, that's a hard one. Maybe you should just jump in with a general question and decide that if you goof up so what? The more you interact, the more comfortable you will be. So what if you say something you think is silly? You have to shrug that type of thing off or you'll always be a slave to your own thinking about yourself. Take a chance and it will get easier, I promise. Just roll with the flow, good or bad, and soon you'll wonder why you even worried about it. Being self-conscious of what you say and do makes you a prisoner of your own making.

Answer 3

Well, any way you look at it, this is going to take time and effort on your part (and what better investment than in your character and personality?). A lot of suggustions are coming in, and you'll have several methods to explore. While taking the necessary steps toward becoming more at ease in social situations, try this:
Visualization.
Be in a quiet environment and sit comfortably. Shut your eyes and use your imagination. See yourself spotting a girl and approaching her. Imagine you're speaking to her and your thoughts are easily expressed in the simple, direct language you usually use with friends. As you do this, incorporate your senses of smell (your scent, her scent, the trees, the air), taste (gum? soda in your hand? offering her a mint?), sound (surrounding environment-car,bike,animal), sight (sunlight on her hair, or in patterns through the trees, colors, textures), and touch/feel(temperature, humidity, breeze).
The purpose of using the senses in this exercise is to aid the mind in adopting the mental sensations as real. When we visualize we set a goal in front of our mind which the mind (too subconsiously, sometimes) attempts to attain. It's a very undervalued, underused tool which can bring very real results. You can really steady your nerves using these kinds of images this way. The real key is to do it with the attitude and belief that it's already real, already a happening thing, already history. That confidence (words at first) will take root if you perservere. Greatest of success to you.

Answer 4

Women do not like the desperate look. Married men get hit on more then single men. Stop looking for that gorgeous girl... most hot chicks are shallow because they never had to work at anything. I always figured that a sincere woman would let me down gently if she was not interested, so could it really hurt to ask her out? If she was horrible, then no loss as she was not worth having. If she accepts a date for coffee or a walk, then hey, you got what you wanted. (and then don't blow it by talking about yourself)

Answer 5

When my granddaughter moved to a new location she got right into church young adults group. She did that when she left home and start college. She was comfortable in church and made a lot of nice friends. So find a place where you are comfortable in your surroundings and start with Hello . You're just as good as any body else out there so tell yourself that. Have a good talk with your self and then go for it. Good Luck

Answer 6

You might try a venture of sorts to boost your confidence. If you are unsure of yourself, and nervous, you are just going to give off a nervous vibe, that girls will sense. Making an extravagant plan most likely wouldnt help. Even if you have a few smooth lines, you couldnt plan an entire date.

Answer 7

You may have social anxiety. Go talk to the doctor or a counselor. They can diagnose you. Look it up on the internet and see if you have the symptoms. It sounds like it. You are just gun shy now. Be yourself and let the girls come to you.

Answer 8

You just need a boost of self confidence.. I had this same problem about 2 years ago... and a friend told me; get your butt out there, and if someone turns yo down for a date, or just to be a friend, its there loss, because you are an awesome person, inside and out.... I hope this helps you, it helped me.... good luck..

Answer 9

You think too much. Just relax.