Would you be upset with you husband if....?

Question

I have been begging my husband to spend more time with me and maybe even go out once in a while...I am usually home with the kids and he goes out 3-4 nights a week with "the guys"...well, he finally took me out! I have never been to a bar, club, etc and don't drink (i'm 36 yrs old). He decides to take me to a bar and I thought thats ok...we go in and its a "dancers" bar and a sleezy one at that! My husband knows I don't get into the "girl" thing and he told me he wanted to bring me there so I could warm up to the idea of sleeping with another women, which he has been trying to talk me into doing and I keep saying no! He wouldn't give me the keys and it was in the middle of no where so I had no choice but stay. We sat in the back and he got us a couple of drinks..i asked for a non-alcoholic one...he brought a couple of "white grape" drinks and told me it was non-alcholic beer and naive me believed me. It didn't taste like alchol at all - I ended up drinking 3 of them..and

here's the kicker....he invited two buddies over just to get a kick out of me being there...after those 3 drinks, i didn't feel like myself, anyway that's when my husband and his friends decided to pay one of the strippers to come over and "feel me up", unfortunately I didn't remember much until the next morning....I feel so violated! My husband said it was just fun and no harm. We have been married for 18 years now and I trusted him...what would you do in my situation?

Answer 1

that's degrading...dump the lump.

Answer 2

Don't know how else to put this... your husband sounds like an inconsiderate pig.

If you've been living with this for 18 years you might not even be able to see him for what he truly is.. but the first red flag was when you said he goes out with buddies 3 or 4 nights a week. Major problem already!

Couples should spend time apart and hang out with friends but it should NOT be the majority of the time!

He should be spending more time at home as a father and a husband. If you both agree on time out with friends then it should be equal... he gets a night out and so do you.

The fact that he leaves you with the kids all the time to go act like a single guy, the complete and utter disrespect he showed you by taking you to a strip club and tricking you when he knows you don't drink!?? He's a jerk, honey.

He has no respect for you. It's time you demand some. Don't let him walk all over you any more. It sounds like he used you for his and his buddies amusement. This man needs a serious attitude adjustment.

This may sound harsh but don't you think you deserve to be treated better???

Answer 3

OMG honey, how awful. Talk about a breach of trust. I'm so sorry he did that to you. Have you told him how you feel? If not, very calmly tell him what he did and how it made you feel. In detail, as in, "when you did this, I felt like this,".

If he isn't taking you seriously, go to a counselor (go anyway) and demand he go with you. My husband never took anything I said seriously until I went to see a therapist. That's a huge breech of trust honey and no man who really loved you would ever do that to you. My husband might ignore me sometimes, but he would never do something like that to me. Don't be afraid to lay down the law a bit, honey. Even if it means you move out of the house for a few days and go stay with your mother.

Good luck.

Answer 4

wow seems to me your husband that you knew for 18 years either totaly did a 180 or you just didnt really know the real guy. I would be so pissed that i would leave and tell him that all you wanted was respect from him and he showed everything but respect to you. Tell him it hurt you so much and wish he could understand you they way he should understand his wife. tell him that you were really hurt and decided to leave, and if he really loves you he will understand why and change for you. But i would hold my breath if you leave, because it sounds to me that hes a 19 year old boy in a grown mans body who cant seem to grow up and doesnt want to settle down. He needs to make some serious choices if he wants to be with you than he needs to shape up and listen to you and met in the middle. If he doesnt than i have bad news and good news, bad news is that you wasted 18years of your life with this boy, but the good news is, is that you are still young and can find mr right, dont waste anymore of your time with him.

Answer 5

Seems as though he has no love or respect for you. The whole things appears to have been a way to make you not want to go out with him anymore. I would think that after 18 years of being with you, he would be the one to protect you from harm, not place you in harm's way. What he did was completely unforgiveable.

Answer 6

Im so sorry...What a peice of s**t! Thats so disrespectful.I would be so pissed off at him even B4 that happened for leaving me at home with the kids all the time while hes out doing who knows what with the guys!!! Or so he says he always with the guys. I know this isnt what you want to hear but dump the loser. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and only you. The whole "girl" thing is sick. Im sorry that your going through this.

Answer 7

I would ask him to picture this: you taking him into a gay bar/club, getting him drunk, then having a guy come over and give him a bl-w j-b, then you say, "There's no harm done, no one got hurt, it was all in fun, honey, what's wrong, why are you so mad? Just because some guy gave you a bl-w j-b? Didn't you enjoy it?"

He has to close his eyes and really picture himself sitting down at a table, his pants around his ankles, and he's spewing over some guy's face. See how he feels about that!!

Answer 8

I think that that is very degrading, since you din't want it... if you would have been ok with the whole thing then it would have been different. You should try talking to him, telling him how you felt... you may determine after sharing your feeling on the whole situation that you really enjoyed it, or you may still feel violated You may also need to find a marriage couselor.
bg

Answer 9

i can bet that this is not the first or second time that he has been sooo disrespectful, i feel sorry for you, it sounds like he has some sick sex addiction, that he cant even put his perverted thoughts aside for one night for his wife and take her out for a nice dinner, movie , maybe some dancing ( meaning just the two of you only) sounds like a winner , i would be FURIOUS , i pitty you if you dont force him to be more sensitive to your needs, and as for the 3some, if you are not interested then make it clear, but if you ever give in i hope you leave him for her.........

Answer 10

How old is your husband? This sounds like something a teenager would do.Why would he treat his wife in such a manner. I would not usually ever tell anyone this, but i think you should really think about maybe leaving this person. He does not respect you. That was really a bad thing to do to you.

Answer 11

Let's add it up.. Your husband is taking you for granted, trying to manipulate you, taking advantage of your naivete, trying to corrupt you, lying to you, ridiculing you in front of his friends, and just being a total jack@ss and pig. Tell him all this and if he doesn't take you seriously, leave him and find someone else decent to be with. In the near term I would do something brutally diabolical to him to wreck his self esteem. Good luck.