She said that family is all about sacrifice and I agree with that. But she wants me to give up all my friends and things that I enjoy. She seems to think that anything that I like to do is taking away from our marriage. I think this is the most important thing in my life, but I feel like it might not be normal. What do you think?
2006-10-02 15:45:49 · 28 answers · asked by winton_holt 7 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Is this a marriage or an adoption?
Peace.
2006-10-02 17:06:06 · answer #1 · answered by -Tequila17 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sorry to read this. While being married can be the most enjoyable thing a man experiences, many times with the wrong person, it can be torture. Your wife was first attracted to you as you were before you got married.
You had/have friends & hobbies. You were busy & not always available. That made you sexy. If you give everything up for her, you will be unhappy. In her eyes, you will also be seen as neutered; always listening to her & no longer a "challenge."
Some women today are like that. Results, when you get divorced, you will have no friends while she still has hers from pre-kindergarten.
A good woman wants you to have friends; a jealous & controlling woman wants to pull your strings.
Then post divorce, when you start dating again,
ALL the women will ask "so who's your friend/s
and how long have you known them?" If the answer is none-they consider you an ax murderer.
The only time this is good advice is when your friends/hobbies are negative. Too much drinking? Limit time with friends but don't give em up 100%. You need a social outlet besides your wife. Or you become boring to her.
Good luck, I hope things work out. A good woman will want to discuss this with you. A controlling woman will demand that you obey her.
2006-10-02 18:13:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
no that isn't right nor is it healthy. Perhaps she's feeling neglected that you spend to much time with the boys. Why not try to smooth things over by suggesting you and her could pick up something together whether its a movie night or play a sport together or card night. Just so she feels you pay attention to her just as much as your male friends. I think once she see's your friends are not a threat but makes you happy. and she knows your making an effort to include her in something she'll back off.
If not this is not fair. She wouldn't want you to tell her she must get rid of all her friends and things she likes to do on the side.
besides in time you will resent her for this and this will hurt your marriage and you wont' be happy not having some down time for yourself. You can still be married and have different interest.
Just make sure you include her in something. I bet she's feeling you care more for the guys than your family so her nose is out of joint. and she doesn't know how to handle it correctly so instead she's given you an altimatum.
You should catch her too when she's in a good mood and not stressed out with housework or kids and let her know how imoportant this is to you. as you said its the most important thing in your life.. ( leave that out however she will feel hurt) she will think your buddies and your fun are more important than her and the family. but you need to let her know its very important to you. Bet she doesn't know that.
Good luck.
2006-10-02 16:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is not healthy or normal. Does your wife have her own friends ? My husband and I have our own friends as well as mutual friends, we both enjoy different activities and every now and then I go out without him and vice versa. But we also make sure we set time aside for us. We make sure that we are not neglecting each other or our home. I think that in a way this is very healthy for both of us, helps us realize that it's OK to be independent. I would suggest that you talk to your wife and find out what her true reasons are, does she not like or trust your friends ? Do you put your friends before her ? What ever the problem is...,. GET IT FIXED NOW. If you want your marriage to succeed, both of you must be on the same page.
2006-10-03 16:26:11 · answer #4 · answered by jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your wife is suffering with codependence. Marriage is not sacrifice or obligation. It is a union of two individuals that choose to share in the responsibilities of life together. Just remember that you had friends and other interest before you were married and she loved you enough to marry you. If she wants your habits to change, then how will that change you? Will you start to resent her? If she is codependent, it probably stems from childhood.
2006-10-04 04:11:13 · answer #5 · answered by J9 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down immediately!! A marriage certificate is not a title of ownership. She's got issues. It's just as important to be an individual as to be a couple. If she can't get off her duff and get involved in some of your interests, wants to control all aspects of your social life, it's time to get out now before things turn worse.
2006-10-03 01:22:39 · answer #6 · answered by auld mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is NOT "all about sacrifice". Sacrifice IS very important, as you'll want your kids to have clothes and shoes and food and heat instead of buying yourself a set of $1000 golf clubs.
She's being majorly selfish. Put your foot down.
I'm not kidding. Put your foot down and let her know that you're willing to mature and grow with her, but she's asking you to give up things that are integral to your life.
So long as your freinds aren't criminals, and the "things (you) enjoy" aren't drugs, skydiving and a life of crime, then she's not being reasonable.
Tell her. She'll respect you for it.
2006-10-02 16:18:13 · answer #7 · answered by roberticvs 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
no keep ya independence , because it has back fired for me my husband is always around me and i wish he had more male friends like right now he is running his mouth to me as i type. so too much togetherness is not good and you don't want to resent her. family is important but having outside interests will make you better and her better. because i feel sufficated it was my own selfish doing and insecurity so sit her down atalk to her because bottle capping your spouse with rules only make ya angry bitter and unhappy to come home from work or just be stuck in the house on the weekend with them will make you very very angry .
so tell her you'll stay home on these day that wil be family day an these days will be our day of free time from one another were she can hang out with her friends or family and you hang with your male friends or brother etc. men need free time and women need free time in any relationship cus to much closeness can ruin a relationship being together 24/7 will make yall become enemies instead of lovers still. i've been married 7 years and i sleep upstairs and hes downstairs now see how my insecurity has messed up our closenss . if i would of let him just be free i'd get more love and adoration form him. instead of hearing that i'm a nag or clingy . its all my fault
2006-10-02 18:17:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No - independence, individual interests, and FREEDOM- are a very important part of any type of relationship. Sound like she wants to put you in a cage and dead bolt it. I know I could never handle someone expecting me to give up things that are important to me. It will only lead to resentment.
2006-10-03 20:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, and this subject comes up after the ceramony? Don't couples talk anymore about expectations of the marriage?.... You choose what you want to do and follow through with it. It sounds to me she is being totally unreasonable but then, are you a selfish pig? I don't know your situation.
2006-10-02 18:44:53 · answer #10 · answered by treasureisland85 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of this mess now, before any children get subjected to this selfishness. Marriage is compromise, cooperation, and teamwork, not a complete surrender to somebody's insecurity complex.
Let me guess. If you're not sitting with her, you're supposed to be on the phone with her too, right?
2006-10-02 18:28:22 · answer #11 · answered by dwg1998red 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋