I really fail to understaand this relationship.
2006-10-02 15:19:07 · 27 answers · asked by radhakum1958 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
remember the saying " A daughter is a daughter for all of her life, A son is a son till he takes a wife". Girls always need their mothers and continue to learn from them even after growing up and taking a family of their own and sons depend on mom until their is someone else there to do it for them and then Mom isn't as important ( they still love them just need them less) men need to know more about fixing a leaky faucet or which lawn mower to get and for this they go to dad and mom feels left out she doesn't have a say in what junior wears or eats anymore now his wife does, a son doesn't call mom to talk about his day and share lifes moments he shares it all with his wife so the mom feels the daughter in law has takin her place and sometimes becomes resentful which is why all the wars. I have found with my husband if I tell him to go to his moms and spend part of a day doing whatever she wants then we all get a long better and that day is hers I stay home and do what I want.
2006-10-02 15:31:40 · answer #1 · answered by Martha S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This can sometimes be a very difficult relationship, but one that requires candor at times and it helps if the two of you can spend some time alone to bond.
The candor can be helpful if you can get the situation right out in the open. Express how you feel in a non-attacking way, and allow her to express herself. Mainly focus and talk about "triggers" meaning things that you do that set her off and the same in reverse. If you know what her triggers are, you are more likely to avoid them.
Spending time together and bonding over the fact that you both love the same person. He will only have one mother, and hopefully he will only have one wife. Knowing that you each play a unique role in his life and in his affections can help you realize that you aren't competing with each other.
It might help if you ask her if she ever had problems with her mother-in-law when she first got married, and I'm sure you two could laugh about them --maybe include those in your candor conversation.
And, last, but not least, you two need to agree on one rule. When everyone is at YOUR house, you are queen of the kitchen or whatever.......and when you are at HER house, she is the queen of the kitchen or whatever......so no snide remarks on either side about the way housekeeping or cooking or whatever is done.
The daughter-in-law / Mother-in-law can be a wonderful relationship and you could someday learn to love each other deeply as family......but you both will need to put some effort and some genuine understanding into it. It isn't a competition.....it's a family.
Good Luck and Be happy!
Sincerely,
Robin_in_Tennessee
2006-10-02 15:28:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, women always like to be the center of their man's attention. The mother doesn't like her son adoring someone other than her and the wife feels the same. When you get two people wanting all the attention there is likely to be some tension. Give it time. My mother-in-law and I HATED each other, and I don't use that term lightly. That was 5 years ago. I am now going through an incredibly nasty divorce from her son though and we have grown such a strong relationship that we are still close. It just takes time
2006-10-02 15:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by Andrea B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time the mother-in-law doesn't want to let go and except the fact the son is grown and has a life of his own. Also normally the mother in law lets her mother instinct take over to be protective of her child or do for him, but at the same time she is not realizing that is where his wife comes in and she must step out. I have rarely ever seen instances where the daughter in law posed a threat. I have a mother in law who is not fond of me, and I could care less because that is her problem, too.
2006-10-02 15:25:43 · answer #4 · answered by Miss T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an awkward relationship with both my mother in laws. my husbands real mother and I get a long good, married for 3 years together for 10 never have/had a problem with her. We can talk about a lot and I can even talk to her about her kid and she understands, not even a disagreement. My husbands step mom we talk not nothing special. A lot of mothers see their daughter i laws a treat and also not suitable enough for their sons. a lot of it has to do with their own personal conflicts.
2006-10-02 16:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not that way with all mothers, and daughter n laws. i personally thought my mother n law was the best. she was not just the in law, but a friend. my own mother is very reserved, so i could talk to my mother in law about anything, including her son. most of the time she was the first to say he was being a jerk. get to know her as a person, have so girl time together you might be surprised. ask her to share her knowledge, or a favorite recipe you might be surprised.
2006-10-02 15:27:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a terrible relationship with my mother-in-law for a long time.
But on a family vacation one year I got really sick...she saw the vulnerable side of me....and we've gotten along great ever since.
I think she thought I was perfect & strong and didn't need anything from her...when she saw me at a low point I think she realized I'm not so strong and perfect after all.
I hope you don't have to get sick for you and your mother-in-law to come to terms with each other.
2006-10-02 15:25:46 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure they can. If they both want the same thing for the son/husband, there's no reason they shouldnt get along. Ive always gotten along with the mother in law! The daughter in law has the advantage if she's smart. ;)
2006-10-02 15:23:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mothers are always protective of the son and don't think any woman is good enough for her son. Daughter in law thinks husbands Mom meddles and babies him. He also shares his love with another woman and daughter in laws usually have an issue with this.
2006-10-02 15:23:09 · answer #9 · answered by Canadian_Investor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very rarely will they be friends. A mother doesn't think anyone is good enough for their son. That is where the problem starts, then when you have a disagreement with your husband he will tell momma because she has solved all his past problems.
Your husband may have to tell his mother that no matter what he loves you and she has to get along with you or he won't see her until she straightens out.
2006-10-02 15:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋