Grade this poem?

Question

I hope you guys like it but if not give me a grade on it and what I could improve on it. Tell me some of the things you liked about it. Here it goes:
This day has fallen cold,
From this north winter wind.
A day stolen away,
With the summer's leaves.
As your heart grows colder,
With the seasons many changes,
The snowflakes on you nose,
Melt into your heart for ages.

Answer 1

I like this poam as is, but if I were to edit it, I would drop some of the articles. (example:)
Day has fallen cold,
From north winter wind.
A day stolen away,
With summer's leaves.
As your heart grows colder,
With seasons many changes,
Snowflakes on your nose,
Melt into your heart for ages.

Answer 2

Your poem has great possibilities. You know how to put words together nicely. Make sure you are conveying what you mean.
In the first two lines, I think it would be improved if you were to change one of the "this" words to "the" and in the fifth line I would take out the word "As."

Try: "Snowflakes dusting your nose" for your next to the last line.

Keep writing!

Answer 3

I like it ^_^

Just a couple tips? Don't feel like you need to end each line with a comma. You can end a line with no punctuation whatsoever.

For example, the line:

"A day stolen away,
With the summer's leaves."

If you wrote it in prose form, you would likely write it like this: "A day stolen away with the summer's leaves." So don't be afraid to omit the comma when in verse form:

"A day stolen away
with the summer's leaves."

But that's just me. If it's a personal preference of yours, it's all good. ^_^ I like the imagery you use... maybe experiment with similes and metaphors?

Happy writing!

Answer 4

I really, really like your ideas. Don't drop this poem. Think of it as a start. Now, "punch" up every line. Make every word count. Thats what makes it a poem. Think of rhythm, too. How the beat sounds when you read it aloud. Don't stop on this poem until it sounds just right To You. Emily Dickinson rewrote her poems over and over again. Here best poems weren't so great at all until at first. You've just gotten started here. I'm dying to polish it up myself! We could have a contest.... grin!

Answer 5

Very good! As a writer I really cant fault it in any way. It has a deep message and a simple image. I wish I could write something so inspired - Im suffering a massive writers block. I loved it!

Answer 6

Hmmmm....I'll be more of a critic than the others.
Pretty good start...
but you need to work on the final two verses.
Then the outcome I think could become a nice effort.
Keep writing :)

Answer 7

I'm not big into poetry, but as a proofreader, I suggest "your" nose, rather that "you" nose. The poem does present a picture, with feeling.

Answer 8

I really like the imagery in this poem. I think you are doing a fine job. ;)

Answer 9

A- I really enjoyed reading it.

Answer 10

i give it an A, although you should put more rhymes in your poems.