Is it wrong to want to cause your spouse pain after they have admitted to cheating on you five years ago while you were pregnant? At this point I am trying to forgive him and move past this but I want him to feel the pain that I am going through I want him to hurt like I am hurting. Can anyone please give me some advice on how I can stop feeling this way????????????
2006-10-02 12:46:47 · 18 answers · asked by <<SEXY MOMMA>> 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what I mean when I say that I want to hurt him is make him feel like the whole world just crashed down on top of him amd he cant breathe. I am not the type of person to cheat I want to hurt him emotionally.
2006-10-02 17:43:00 · update #1
It's natural to feel the way you feel, but it doesn't justify how you want to hurt your husband. If you love your husband and you want to make things work out.... then revenge is not the answer. You guys probably need some counseling or just need to sit down and talk about it. Let him know how much he has hurt you and how devastated you feel by his infidelity. You are in pain because he cheated on you, but he will be in pain knowing how much he has hurt you and deceived you. Keep in mind that even good man make stupid mistakes. So if your husband is a good husband and a great father, don't you think it's worth putting it behind you and work on your marriage? Good luck!!
2006-10-02 13:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by M & M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's wrong to feel angry and vengeful but I think if you want to keep the guy there has to be a better way of relieving your feelings. Corny, I know, but I suggest Relate counselling, where you can air your feelings in a safe environment in which you won't say anything you regret, and this counselling will hopefully help you move on. I would also like to say that just because you have a child together does not mean you should stay together if you are miserable and don't think it can be remedied; the child will be much better living with one parent than in an unhappy home.
2006-10-02 12:54:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When did you find out about this and why? If it was recently and you had no clue until now let it go. It was probably a one night thing when you were feeling the size of a house. Are you willing to end your marriage over something five years old? If so you are probably a bit self absorbed and will never be able to let it go. Revenge will serve no purpose. This is ancient history.What is going on today? Look hard at this and figure out what to do based on today.
I'm still curious when you found out, how you found out and why it came up in the first place. Not enough information here.
2006-10-02 13:00:49 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think is wrong but a normal feeling when you feel betrayed by someone you love. However, you must still love him and obviously want to stay together if you are trying to forgive him. If that is the case, in the long run you will be only hurting yourself if you try to get him back. I think that in your case, it is best to try to support each other (maybe some counseling) and do your best to forget about the past. If he has learned anything from his mistake, is that you are worth every moment and it is the reason why he chose to have a child with you. Although he clearly must understand that you won't forgive twice. Who knows, in the end, maybe some forginesss will bring you closer together.
2006-10-02 13:01:23 · answer #4 · answered by jd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal that you feel this way.
I can tell you from first hand experience, you can and may cause him pain, but it WON'T make you feel any better. The hurt is fresh, but the deed itself was done over 5 yrs ago. Nothing you can do about that.
My wife also fooled around on me once, over 10 years ago, and her infidelity came to light a little over 2 yrs ago. Yes it hurt, and it strained our relationship. But now for the most part, I've moved past it.
It's going to take some time hon.
2006-10-02 13:25:00 · answer #5 · answered by Larry F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same trouble. I was married for 20 years and found out my ex husband had been going to strip clubs and looking at Internet porn behind my back for years! It felt like he had cheated on me. I never could trust him again and eventually so much resentment was built up that I just could not get past the pain and I knew that I would never be able to trust him again. I always worried and wondered what he was doing when he wasn't home, this will eat you up. Once you loose trust, it is dang hard to get it back, almost impossible. My advise to you is ask yourself how much do you love this man? How good is he to you and if you weigh the good against the bad, does the good out weight the bad by leaps and bounds or only by a small margin? I totally felt the pain you are feeling. I even have it now with my new boyfriend of a year because I'm so conditioned to think that all men will eventually cheat and it is only a matter of time before you find out. This is very sad. Men, you have done this to us amazing women. We give our very souls to the men we love and then we get screwed! How ARE we to trust. My boyfriend had cheated on his ex wife, and that was over 10 years ago, and I just can't seem to get it out of my head that he will do the same with me, even though, he reasures me, and treats me wonderful. It is just sad not to have complete trust with the person you have chosen to live the rest of your life with.
2006-10-02 12:55:46 · answer #6 · answered by darkangel 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would hope that if your husband is a decent man at all that he would definitely understand your feelings. It's only natural to be upset and emotional when you've discovered that your spouse is or has cheated on you. Your husband should seek counseling immediately to get to the root of his infidelity and you should join him in joint counseling so you can both understand one another. I would imagine that communication between the two of you is next to none unless it's anger. A lot of people are skeptical of counseling but trust me it would do you both some good!
2006-10-02 13:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by Bill B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband knows that if I find out he cheater I'll be commiting double homicide. It is the one thing I could never forgive and your being pregnant is not an excuse for his infidelity. Your happiness needs to come first and don't think about what he is going to feel or want, screw him! He obviously didn't consider your feelings when he cheated. I'm sorry that this happened to you and I hope that you can be strong enough to do what will make you the happiest. Good luck.
2006-10-02 13:16:14 · answer #8 · answered by hideemosquito 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Normal feelings...the best you can do is always make sure he remembers what he did to you and remember you don't deserve to carry all the hurt. He passed it along to ou so he didn't have to feel the pain. Maybe you should tell him to switch the roles and see how if would feel if you were the out destorying a family. Make sure you tell him EVERYTHING you feel and make him understand completely because I am asuming he feels "better about the sitution" now that you know. Only time and make the pain go away to bad it won't make the memory do the same!
2006-10-02 13:12:37 · answer #9 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go see a therapist. You need help to get thru this. Your cheating husband will not feel your pain & cheating on him is not gonna make it right or really an option. It was a long time ago, but that does not make the hurt any less. You will need to talk it out with a therapist & do some marriage counseling with your husband to make things right again.
2006-10-02 12:51:15 · answer #10 · answered by ready2go67 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋