I have been dating this guy for a year now and he's very untrusting. Don't get me wrong he's a great guy with my kids he loves them as if they were his. The only thing is that he never lets me go anywhere alone. If I want to go visit family he is always there. He says its because he loves me so much he can't be without me, I'm flattered but I need my time away. I've caught him checking my phone to see who I call and who calls me. He has asked me to marry him but if he never changes I really don't think I could live with him like this. Should I just tell him that he needs to change and if he doesn't its over? Please help!
2006-10-02 12:36:10 · 13 answers · asked by singlemomintx 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes please do this behavior is " control freak" behavior and spending time with you and the family and looking at your phone bill is not love is a man that wants to control you for the rest of your life kudos to you for noticing this unhealthy behavior and he needs to learn to trust you and to give you some breathing room if he cannot then yes please dump him and be with a man that will love you for you and let you have your space too !
2006-10-02 12:40:15 · answer #1 · answered by AngelVirgo9206 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion there are two scenarios here: 1) He is either cheating or doing something that isn't trustworthy so it's easy to shift his attention to his mate or 2) He has been hurt several times throughout his life that he has a hard time trusting someone in an intimate relationship.
My advice is do NOT marry the man (yet)! I would sit down and talk to him about this and explain that while his intentions seem genuine that you do need time to yourself. See what his reaction is to this conversation. Not to scare you but his type of behavior can often lead to physical and/or emotional abuse. Ask him why he feels the need to be so skeptical of your actions i.e. checking your phone records. If his behavior doesn't change in a short time period then it's time to get out of that relationship. It's better to be safe than sorry for yourself and your children!
2006-10-02 20:45:59 · answer #2 · answered by Bill B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's hard to trust when you've been burned before. But I think that the average person can get over it with time. You should tell him how you feel and give him every reason to trust you. I think it's best to warn people (for the most part) before you cut them loose, assuming there is no major problems like cheating. It gives them an opportunity to re-consider the options.
2006-10-02 19:46:09 · answer #3 · answered by jd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him no how u feel and u will not married till he trust u he needs counsling now. you will never have a good marriage without trust trust is what makes a marrage with out that what have u got. dont marry him get him some help if he wont do it dumb him no matter what his untrustfulness may lead to abuse
2006-10-02 19:47:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you need to get out of this situation now while you have a chance. Possessiveness does not equal love it equals control. control is a form of abuse. See it he will get counseling with you. You are not his child that he should be checking up on you. The next thing will be when he makes you stay away from your family.
2006-10-02 19:41:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he been cheated on in the past? If u are not doing anything to make him distrust u then the issue is with him. And unless he recognizes that problem, u are eventually going to feel smothered by his controlling attitude and insecurities. So I suggest u think twice before settling down with someone like him.
2006-10-02 19:40:37 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting. This man loves you but he needs to understand that you need your space as well. With him wanting to follow you around like that sounds like he wants to control you. I know he is nice to your children...but don't let that blind you from the simple facts. Love means you trust a person but it seems like he doesn't trust you. Do want to live your life like that? I was in a relationship like that at one time and it wasn't healthy. If you love him and u know he loves you....just talk to him and let him know that he is smothering you. If he doesn't get the picture, perhaps you should look at another option. Good Luck!
2006-10-02 19:48:35 · answer #7 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't trust you then it will never work out. Avoid a greater heartbreak down the road for both you and your children and end it now, you'll be glad you did in the long run.
2006-10-02 19:42:12 · answer #8 · answered by notaxpert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right. You can't live with being guarded continually. Everyone needs space, as you know.
Don't count on him changing. They rarely do.
2006-10-02 19:42:42 · answer #9 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it will get much worse if you marry him.
2006-10-02 19:42:21 · answer #10 · answered by golden2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋