A year ago I met my husband online, he moved to where I was and we got engaged. Little did I know that about a week after he came out here he was still chatting online with some girls. I caught him red handed with a girl about 30 min. from where we lived. The relationship almost ended, but he apologized, admitted he thought I was cheating on him, and swore never to be unfaithful again! However after being married for a year, he's been a great husband, and supporter! But I still have my doubts! Is this normal, or should I trust him now once and for all!!
2006-10-02 11:57:17 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are degrees of cheating, right? Kissing the secretary at the company Christmas party is cheating, but it's not as bad as banging her after work on Fridays. Online sex is cheating; it's just not as bad as the real thing.
The bottom line is... If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing right there, it's cheating.
2006-10-02 12:01:50 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I hate to tell you this but the internet is the worse engine for cheating. YES IT'S CHEATING IF HE'S CHATTING ONLINE...!!! Don't you remember how it made you feel...??? It hurts so remember that. It's certainly is normal to have your doubts. Why wouldn't you...??? Of course he's going to say he's sorry and make you feel like you can trust him. The trust issue is up to you. It's your husband but hear me when I say this, if he did it once, he probably will do it again. He can go online at work or anywhere. Learn to get on your computer and see where he's searching on the computer. Do your homework. If he's doing it, you'll find out. Sit back and pay attention. Don't take his word for it. Lusting is cheating and there are plenty of women (and men) that love to chat online and they think it's innocent. Don't be fooled sweetie. Protect yourself and be smart about it. Keep your eyes and ears open and the truth will come to you...Good luck... : )
2006-10-02 12:32:39 · answer #2 · answered by dolphinman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First even though trust is at the core of all good relationships, it is probably not wise to trust anyone 100% because as people we have instincts and those instincts can lead even the most trustworthy person astray. It is cheating if a person is spending too much time on line especially when he could be spending quality time with his significant other. However, it could have been harmless - i.e., no intention to take it further. Now that everything is on the table and the person has agreed not to do it again, then it requires monitoring to see if it goes away. If it does then you have no problem. If it doesn't then at minimum you have someone who can't keep his word. At worst, you could have a bigger problem. Good luck.
2006-10-02 12:12:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's cheating. No question, although a lot of people disagree. And it's not going to be easy for you to move on. It's totally normal to have doubts, but you're going to have to try hard to not tear yourself up by obsessing over whether or not you can trust him.
Best advice I can give you is to just trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with whatever comes... and live in the moment. Give yourself permission to just enjoy being married to a great guy, Have fun. KNOW that you deserve his love and respect. Be realistic, but don't let doubts of any kind put a big black cloud over everything you do. There are good times to be had - concentrate on them for now, and be happy. Trust will grow as it's earned. Meanwhile have a great time with the man you love, & good luck!
2006-10-02 12:07:05 · answer #4 · answered by belmyst 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should address this issue of distruss in an adult conversation. Let him know you are having some trust issues and tell him why you feel the way you do. When you present him with a problem, though, be sure to have a suggestion or a solution that will START the healing process. It is important that you itterate that you want to trust him and you love him. The only way for you both to make this work is to work as a team. Teams require trust, and there are many things you can do to build trust. God Bless.
2006-10-02 12:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by ksean6 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a very similar situation. I think it depends on the person - what you are capable of dealing with. I tend to get jealous easily, and honesty and fidelity are EVERYTHING to me. I tried to let it go, and for months after we were married, all went well....
Long story short. You can't change who someone is. I couldn't change him from being the type of guy who, deep down, didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing. And I couldn't change myself into someone who could overlook or easily forgive such behavior.
After 2 years of marriage, we went our separate ways....funny thing, some girl he met online moved in with him less than a week after he moved out of our home... But it's ok, I'm cuter ;-)
This doesn't mean it is always this way, though. Just make sure that on your end, if you really say "I forgive you" and "I'm going to trust you" that it is something you can really do. If you can't, be honest with yourself and with him.
Good luck
2006-10-02 12:05:30 · answer #6 · answered by Shaken Not Stirred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is cheating when he maintains relationships with other women that exclude you, and would not happen if you were right there. Stand up for yourself and tell him that you will accept nothing less than being a priority, and that is not an option.
You can get free accountability software, that tracks and notifies your email account when he accesses porn sites, questionabe sites, and chat sites. It won't stop him, like 'cybernanny" but it will let you know if you can trust him or not. You can pay for 'cybernanny' software that won't let him access these sites, but that defeats the purpose of seeing if you can trust him.....
I would question his trustworthinss, because he blamed it on you, saying he "though you were cheating". That's crap. Peoe lie for one of two reasons. 1-they are ashamed because they know they are wrong, and 2-they do not want to face the consequences.
You can be sure he is being honest with you when he starts demonstrating empathy. When he can walk in your shoes, tell you he inderstands that you feel hurt and betrayed, and like you are an "option" to him, rather than a priority.....when he can tell you in his own words what he imagines you are feeling, and own up to what he has done to cause that feeling.......this is how he could demonstrate sincerity. This is how he can show you he "gets it".
You deserve to be a priority, not an option. You deserve to never have to question, wonder, or worry about his feelings for you. You deserve a man that is so thoughtful, appreciative, and respectful of you, that you will want to call all your friends and brag about him to them. A guy your friends would be jealous of, and someone who you are certain of his feelings for you (as certain as you know your own name).
You will be certain of his feelings when his actions and behavior match what he says he feels for you. And when he shows you empathy, you will be certain of his sincerity. You deserve nothing less!
2006-10-02 14:45:01 · answer #7 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a man thinketh in his heart so is he. I used to cheat on girlfriends awhile ago but stopped because it's disrespectful to the other person and wrong plus you're cheating yourself out of the beauty of monogamy the bond with one person.
Once you cheat the bond is damaged. My approach after i stopped cheating was not to get serious about anyone and to make sure i let them know i wasn't serious but also whether i could or couldn't be. Now.
You will forever have doubts and you are entitled to those doubts just because you forgive doesn't mean you're his door mat. He should not question your distrust because after all he earned it. It sounds like his suspiscions of your infidelity were an excuse to try and get out of it or make you to blame which in itself was low.
2006-10-02 12:10:17 · answer #8 · answered by sprydle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, trust is a very fragile thing. You can't really grasp it whether it's personal or professional. I would say don't throw away your doubts, but give him a little benefit of a doubt. Just see what happens. I hate to tell you, but you just might have to watch the guy pretty much for the rest of your life for cheating. Good luck!
2006-10-02 12:02:12 · answer #9 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal and cheating is cheating.
If he is online engaging in sex talk or a possible relationship then he has intentions of being unfaithful.
You don't need to accuse him of the behavior unless you have proof.
Just keep your eyes open and trust your gut because if you have a GUT feeling it's almost always correct.
Like I said don't confront him UNLESS you have proof.
Good Luck!
2006-10-02 12:02:37 · answer #10 · answered by miss_lady6980 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say that he should of been honest with you about meeting with the other girl in the first place but unless you know for certain that he had sex with her than no its not cheating it might be innoscent, i would check and see just to be sure if its not then i wouldn't have a problem with him talking on line to people just remember your the one he married, but that doesn't mean he can't be friends or talk to other females but its all how you feel in your heart because no one can tell you what exactly to do but you should tell him to just tell you what he is doing and after that give him the benefit of the doubt at least
2006-10-02 12:40:14 · answer #11 · answered by foxxylesley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋