Should I marry him?

Question

He promised me he would never ask. But now he keeps wanting to marry me. I have a failed marriage that I am over, but feel that getting married again is not my goal. I feel that if you want to be with me... be with me without the paperwork... we should know our committment level...

He keeps talking about weddings.

Ack.

It's cute though. I'm getting nervous that he is going to propose.

****.

yes, we are both divorced, so there is a certain romantic aspect of marriage that we are over! Sometimes when you have been married and divorced, you stop caring about that need to be legally bound... even if you want to stay with this person forever. Of course we both want that... I do worry that he wants to secure me... make me HIS so that he knows I'm with him for good.

That is why marriage scares me. Its about control.

Answer 1

Here's the deal: You are not afraid of the man, but you are afraid of marriage. He's been burned too,so he probably can understand that. If he pops the question, ask one of your own. "Would you go to couple's counseling with me to see if we can figure out to make a marriage work, and not feel like it's about being controlled or taken for granted?"
If her really wants that committment, and you really just don't want to make a mistake, counseling might be the answer for both of you. He sounds like a nice guy--don't just run the risk of having him feel like you don' t care enough.

Answer 2

I've heard it said that it should be twice as hard to get married than it is to get divorced -- unfortunately it isn't. I am on my second marriage, but there was never a question for me about my second wife since I knew myself better after a bad experience -- I knew my second wife was the right one.

Some say: if you have to ask, then you shouldn't do it. I don't agree -- just make sure you ask the right questions and marry for the right reasons. Some right questions are: Are you (or will you) and your significant other be good room-mates? Good friends? How do each of you feel after a disagreement? Can you agree to disagree? Are you satisfied with how you each share day-to-day responsibilities, or do one of you feel over-burdened? Do you both feel the same about starting a family?

If you have questions -- then good! There is no perfect marriage so you are right to ensure that both of you are set up for success. Actively pursue getting your questions answered before you say "I do" -- you owe it to yourself and your significant other.

Also -- don't be afraid to acquire some pre-marriage counseling for both of you. It can pay huge dividends by uncovering aspects of this person you hadn't thought of and help reassure you that marriage is right for you. Counseling before getting married is preferable to getting it when you are in a bad marriage :-)

Answer 3

I would tell him how you feel, but if you really love him, as he seems to love you, maybe marriage is a good thing. I mean if he asks and you tell him no and tell him he knew you didn't want to get married he might not want to stay in that relationship... He may be @ the point in his life where he wants to settle down and make the commitment offical...

Answer 4

Someone once said that if you truly love someone you want them to have what THEY want to have, more than you want them to have what YOU want them to have...as long as their having it doesn't cause you to give up being who you really are. If you buy into that definition of an unselfish love being the TRUE LOVE, then if you really love the guy you'd want him to have what he wants, and you'd want for him to be married. However, it sounds like your being married again might actually go against who you really are, or at least go against the vision you have of who you really are, and if so you might just be at a real crossroads. A selfless love would free the guy to go find a gal who also wants to be married, a selfish love would just string him along and keep postponing him as long as possible so you'd get what you want. Now another, and possibly healthier approach, might be for you to sit with him, tell him you love him, but that you are still a bit "afraid" (us guys usuallly feel protective of girls who tell us they're afraid of something and so we aren't as quick to get angry if we're not getting what we want - in this case marriage) of the whole marriage institution. But tell him you love him and you want him to have what he wants too. Ask him what he feels (don't say thinks) the formality of marriage does for a couple. Really listen to what he says and then once you really think you understand what he's looking for try to figure out if you can help him get those things without actually having to walk down the isle again. And don't try come up with the answers while he's telling you why he wants to get married. He'll likely just think you're arguing with him. Ask him what he wants out of marriage and then tell him those sound like valid things and you want to think them over for a while, then kiss him and ask him if he'd like to go out to a movie. Going to a movie will give you some time to think about what he wants without having to actually keep talking about it. Good luck.

Answer 5

Just come out and tell him, that right now you are not ready to get married. Say may be it is because of the marriage that I came out of, or I just guess I am just afraid, but we will see in due time what , or how I will feel. Say I love you, and that I am committed to you.

Answer 6

If you don't feel comfortable with marriage, then don't do it. But if he does ask, explain to him why you've decided to say no. I once had a girlfriend that I asked for her hand in marriage and she said yes, but she didn't really want to. It caused more problems than she was worth. She led me on and then cheated on me with a cop(I'm an ex-con). The point is to just be honest and true to yourself AND your love. : )

Answer 7

I adore my boyfriend, but I'm not up or seeing any point in marriage again (for me)...but to each their own. Sounds like you might consider it though...with him...Just think long and hard on it...so when he asks you - if you think he is...you're prepared with the answer.

Answer 8

If you don't want to, then don't.
Tell him you will never marry again, tell him straight, before he pops the question and become disappointed.

Answer 9

If you don't want to marry him then why are you with the guy?. Getting married is how you show someone you want to be with them forever. I guess you don't want to be with this guy forever!!!!

Answer 10

I did not even read past your question...Girl, if you have to ask that question, then the answer is NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't do that to yourself.

Why does he want to get married so bad? I'd figure that out first.