My guy-friend is going through a divorce (separated 7 months). He has a lot on his plate with his kids, work & school. He knows that I am interested in him, however, I am willing to wait and when he is ready - we have agreed to go on a date.
Sometimes, he has a hard time opening up to me. I understand. Once he does tell me something that is bothering him, we are able to calmly talk about it. I can sense his relief. He says his ex would usually scream & yell when it came to him talking about how he feels. I am not that type of person.
I know I have to be patient. Anytime I have asked him where I stand he is always quick to say "We are JUST friends..." which...ya know, okay, that's fine. But I can't help but think he might feel more and is just scared. So, I stopped asking.
Anyway, to my question, I have never been through a divorce nor do I have children, do you guys think that if I continue to be understanding when it comes to his concerns that he will be more willing to open up to me?
2006-10-02 10:06:35 · 14 answers · asked by Mintygoodness1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's good that you're patient & understanding... he'll undoubtedly appreciate you deeply for it.
It could help him trust you enough to open up easier, if you'll find out what his most important needs are (at least the top 5), then do your best to support him about those needs.
It can show him that you are sincerely concerned, that you sincerely care.
2006-10-02 10:20:06 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have kids, but I've been divorced before. I don't "open up" to very many people, it is very rarely that I let people "in". He may just be that type of person. Divorce may or may not be the cause of that.
I don't know how long you're willing to wait for him to consider you as something more than "just a friend". Sounds to me like you might be wasting your time with this guy, and pushing him towards something he is not very interested in.
2006-10-02 17:43:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I think he will but that does not necessarily develop into a love interest. If his views of you are strictly as a friend then that may be as far as he is ever willing to take your relationship but then again he may see in you all of the qualities he desires in a lady and when he least expects it may realize he has developed some strong emotions and ties with you. I know this answer does not help a lot but it will hopefully allow you to see that there are truly no right answers sometimes.
2006-10-02 17:11:28 · answer #3 · answered by tom4texas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last thing anyone wants who is going through a divorce is someone else needing any kind of a commitment from them as he/she is disentangling themselves from a marriage.
Consider that you may not want to be his first relationship after he gets divorced. I'm divorced and most of my divorced friends agree: you tend to go from the frying pan into the fire. And the other person could really be quite nice, it has nothing to do with that.
After a divorce, people need time to decompress and figure out who they are NOT married. Honestly, it takes time, from months to maybe a year or so.
Give him plenty of space for who he wants to be as a single person. And then decide if he is really the man you want to be involved with. You may be surprised. Who he is as a single guy may be radically different from who he was as a married man.
2006-10-02 17:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think you want to go there.
Putting your life on hold while a man dismantles his life is not a good idea. If you continue to be understanding, eventually he will sort out his life and perhaps one day will look for an exciting, interesting woman who catches his interest so he can start with a fresh, clean slate. That probably won't be you if you're going to be playing therapist. He'll be grateful and all, but he'll be ready to let go of his "baggage"- and that'll probably include you and all you represent.
You really should find a man who is free, and has his life together and is interested in you.
2006-10-02 17:13:38 · answer #5 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe when you are dealing with an injured person they have baggage.My husband was the same way when we met.It took time for me to earn his trust and then he slowly started to open up.I will say dont rush him he may back out a few times before he can commit.As for the children stay neutral.Never bad mouth their mother cause unfortunatly he loved her and may still more than he would ever tell you.Since you dont have kids yourself its hard for you to relate.Dont make him chose he will do that on his own.He may also be feeling guilty to have found you and so on.
2006-10-02 17:11:46 · answer #6 · answered by plumcouch30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably! But you need to let him have his space if he's going through the divorce. You don't want to end up being just the "rebound" for the moment.
Having a marriage break up and kids involved, it does alot to you, your feelings, and your life as you knew it,, is over.
Just try being the good friend for now, and keep the patience if your sure he's the one for you.
2006-10-02 17:12:25 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there is the thought that you may not want to be with damaged goods. You might turn into the rebound sex relationship.
Plus what is wrong with him that he couldn't work things out with his wife?
Just a thought. I know there are plenty of good guys who get divorced. But you have to wonder...
2006-10-03 12:57:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I had someone like you to help me through my divorce. Listen to what he has to say. Dont pressure him. He will open up to you more.
2006-10-02 17:10:36 · answer #9 · answered by the_saint1963 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said so yourself, he has alot to deal with right now. Be a friend to him, in time you will know what the future holds. Don't pressure him about anything, accept what you have with him as it is.
2006-10-02 17:10:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋