Hello. im 22 and im dating with someone now 2 years, he is disable and is 42, i was planning to and live with him, but for some while im also being ina strange way with someone else, the other has 47 ( please no comments about my preferences about older men), the problem is... that he is married have and have a boy, i know for certainly sure that he dontlove his wife anymore, and he was talking about divorce and then be together.
The problem is, belive me or not i love both, but i dont know what to do... help please.. what to do you think
2006-10-02 09:56:29 · 42 answers · asked by Sortilegio 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what a mess..try a bit of NORMAL
2006-10-02 09:59:24 · answer #1 · answered by returnofkarlos 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are the same as all of the other women out there who screw around with married men crazy!!!!!
You don't know for one second that he still doesn't love his wife. You are only going by what he tells you. And believe me he is only feeding you lines of crap so that you will continue to see him.
Sure he wants a divorce and wants you to be together. All cheaters say that so there fling doesn't get mad and stop seeing them.
He wants his cake and to eat it too.
You are being a fool. Get out why you can.
He may divorce his wife someday but chances are that even if he seperates from her he'll go back.
See you are 22 and his wife is probably 40 years old or better and he is going through a mid-life crisis.
By being with you it makes him feel younger. But in the end when he realizes that you were all about being young and not about love he'll be chasing his wife back down.
Be the smart one and end it now before you destroy your life and his wife's life.
As for the other guy he is disabled and apparently this bothers you or you wouldn't have let yourself venture off and get involved with another man.
I'm sorry you aren't in love with him. Because if you were, you would have stayed true to him. You sure wouldn't have went looking.
You can love someone and not be in love with them. This is 2 totally different things. And I think that you are experiencing this with him.
If you really care for him then you need to be honest and end your realtionship with him so you don't end up making him worse off then he already is. You've already cheated.
My advice is 2 break it off with both of them and find a single or already divorced man who shares all of your interest. And someone who is capiable of filling all your needs no matter what that may be.
Stop looking for married men. That will bring you nothing but heartbreak and sorrow. Not to mention there families.
Put your self in his wife-kids shoes. How would you feel if you found out that the one you truly loved was screwing around on you. Or that your dad was breaking your mothers heart.
You will cause this guy more grief then good. And you shouldn't expose your son to that sort of thing.
I won't comment on your age prefence. Age is only a number. But I will comment on your prefence in men.
For you and your son you should really find a man that can give his all to you and to him. After all who ever you choose your son will be exposed to him. And myself I would want an up standing guy with morals around my kids.
As for the disabled guy. I have nothing against any person with a disability. But if you choose to stay with this guy you have to be willing and able to deal with his disability for the rest of his-your life.
That is a big decision. And if you say hey I can handle it great. But that also means no cheating!!!!!!!
So just think wisely. I hope for your son and you that you make the right choice and start over with a new man if not then I wish you the best in what ever choice you make. Good Luck!!
2006-10-02 10:46:57 · answer #2 · answered by rockn75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stay with the man you have been with for 2 years, your other "man" is not going to leave his family. They always say they will and are going to get a divorce but they don't exspecially when the other woman is a good 20 yrs younger than him.. he knows if he were to get a divorce and start a "real" relationship with you his wife and the court would probably keep him from seeing or having custody of his child which you know deep down he loves more than anything and that son is his name sake. The other man is NOT going to leave his wife
So stay with the one you got.. even though he is DECADES older than you.
2006-10-02 10:30:58 · answer #3 · answered by carebearashee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can be in love with 2 people, but I dont believe it is in the same way. I believe there are varying degrees of love, but only you can decide what kind of love you have for these men. You have to first work out if this married man is telling you the truth. Do you believe he will leave his wife for you? If you believe beyond a doubt that this man will leave his wife, then you will be able to know what to do. Ask yourself if this man wasnt married who would you choose to be with? If you really cannot decide who you love the most, then maybe you are not really in love with either of them. Maybe your true love hasnt come along yet. I just know from experience that when you meet your true love you know it, you know all the loves you had before this one was only the stepping stone to the real thing. You are 22...do you really have to make a decision who you want to be with right now....why does it have to be one or the other? You are young enough to wait, and it seems to me that is what you need to do. Dont make any decisions right now about moving in with anyone. Take a step back, find out what it is that you really want. Find out what it is that makes you really happy.
Give yourself a lot of time because once you decide to move in with any man, then its a lot harder to get out if you decide you have made a mistake.
Time is the only thing that will help you work out what it is that you really want.. and you do have the time to wait...maybe with time you will work out that you dont want either man. Only you can decide what is in your heart.
I wish you well.
2006-10-02 10:10:01 · answer #4 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a thing for older men myself when I was your age, so I understand the attraction. That is not your problem though. Your problem is that you entwine yourself in difficult situations. You may tell yourself you can love two people at the same time and perhaps you can, but it creates a dramatic situation. If you love them both, you will be honest and not create a situation you will not be able to handle in the end. The married guy, do you really want him. Don't suffer the bad "karma" for breaking up a marriage when you don't love him that way.
2006-10-02 10:07:56 · answer #5 · answered by Bean55 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, well they say its better to be an old mans darling than a young mans slave.. and i can say.. I beleive this to be true. As far as married men go, they almost always are leaving their wifes. To me its another way of still having u wihtout all the questions, bar one of couse.. when u leaving her? But be realistic, you have a child and you dont want to be doing this right now until he is finished completely. This could get very messy and you dont want to upset the rythm of ur life and ur sons for that matter. Why make life complicated, its far too complicated without adding more things. I wish u the best of luck but ask urself is this all about exticement and lust, or this simple about no having to be with ur current boyfriend. Only you can answer this..
2006-10-02 10:02:30 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Do not move in with current boyfriend
2. Do not see or date married man until he becomes legally separated
3. Realize that no, you do not know for sure if the married man is unhappy and you could be destroying a family.
4. Tell current boyfriend that you're not able to handle a committed relationship with him and break off
5. Realize that love isn't all about feelings, it's about how you behave towards those you claim to love.
Good luck.
2006-10-02 10:01:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they ALL are going to get a divorce. Dont you know that. I think he probably never loved his wife because he has no spiritual concept of what love is. The fact that he is seeing you is a testiment to his lack of character. He is not an honest man there is no way to be honest and be married seeing someone else. NO WAY. You have to know he lies to her his suposed partner in life and mate, Why would you THINK he would not lie to you? What could you possibly gain from being with a man like that. Girls you all need to open your eyes and grow up and not dilude yourselves into beleiving that "love" will change a persons character. He is who he is and if you want to live with him or share your presious life with him so be it but recognise who he is. I can assure you that the same good will come from your relationship as came from his last relationship cause he is the same person. He is not worthy of your love. But it is your choice to give it to whomever you desire.
2006-10-02 10:17:37 · answer #8 · answered by goddess_velvet_rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing your heart I cant say to get involved with either but I can stay to not get involved with any man while still married or going through a divorce. If your interests are strong enough you can considered it if or when he gets divorced but not until then. It builds a bad relationship foundation and statistics even proves that 80% of relationships that start during the time of a seperation or divorce end anyways.
2006-10-02 10:02:52 · answer #9 · answered by okitty_kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's another post on this section from a woman with two kids who's husband has already had two affairs that she knows about and she just caught him on an online dating service. He always comes back to her. Now, do you REALLY want to be in the middle of something like that? Never mind the kid who's life you're going to mess up.
As for the other man. At his age he wants a settled relationship. You're only 22. You're still finding out who you are. Find out before you comit to anyone.
Good luck!
2006-10-02 20:30:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is spend some time alone dating then both once the second guys divorce is settled.
Give you heart a fair chance with both men.
You can love any one you like older, younger, and or disbled.
It matters not to me.
All you should really think is does this person make me happy, fill my emotional needs and will they be there for me if I have a time of trouble?
Good luck !
2006-10-02 10:03:20 · answer #11 · answered by Ryce Queen 13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋