Never do we know any of them,
An occurace of each day.
Yet still our life is invaded,
Invaded by the dead men.
Turn on the breaking news of the world.
What do they bring us today?
Is it the beautiful, new born children,
Or the hundred thousend dead men.
I'm sure that it is our God's will,
To bring out what's good in life.
Fill your short life with grace and joy,
for soon you'll be a dead man.
Is it the dead that brings this joy,
This happieness, this pride.
So we can end the day by saying,
At least I'm not a dead man.
2006-10-02 09:50:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
It's a good poem. It needs a title though. You do repeat a dead man a lot. Maybe you can change it up.
2006-10-02 10:05:27 · answer #1 · answered by Kristen H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 out of 10. needs work.
SPELLING: "occurence", "happiness"
How about?
HOW CAN WE KNOW THEM,
THE EVERY DAY OCCURENCES.
OUR LIVES ARE YET INVADED BY
THE DEAD MEN.
THE BREAKING NEWS OF THE WORLD
BRINGS US WHAT TODAY?
THE BEAUTY OF THE NEW BORN OR
THE HUNDRED THOUSAND DEAD MEN?
I HAVE NO DOUBT THE WILL OF GOD
BRINGS TO US LIFE'S GOOD;
SO FILL YOUR LIFE WITH GRACE AND JOY
FOR SOON YOU'LL TOO BE DEAD.
DO THE DEAD BRING US THIS JOY?
THIS HAPPINESS AND PRIDE?
WE CAN SAY AT THE END OF DAY:
"THANK GOD WE'RE NOT DEAD, MAN!"
2006-10-02 17:39:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although this is the kind of optimistic view that I would argue with a little bit, I like your poem.Don't forget to spell-check it though, thousand is a commonly misspelled word, as well as happiness I think, and you missed the n in occurance.I am not judging you, just helping you edit, spelling in English is not intuitive. :)
2006-10-02 17:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by Mira Bella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it great but you say dead men to much your trying to say that lie is short and we should be happy with what we get
2006-10-02 16:55:12 · answer #4 · answered by Alexandria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's so beautiful. I am not flirting, but that is the best poem I have ever heard!
2006-10-02 16:53:28 · answer #5 · answered by Casey Pearl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm getting sick of your stuff, man. Write about something new!
2006-10-02 17:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by Smiles Like She Means It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should call it "Freddy Mercury is dead"
2006-10-02 16:59:53 · answer #7 · answered by Fartblossom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't quit your day job.
2006-10-02 16:52:16 · answer #8 · answered by looking for the left eye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's great I'm in hurry I read it quickly to see if I have to read it again carefully & I would cause it has something in it...thoughts.......so I'll read it & if I have another say I'll edit....
peace..............
It's really nice......
2006-10-02 17:02:16 · answer #9 · answered by P.Y.T. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trite
not very impressive
sorry, you asked
2006-10-02 16:54:57 · answer #10 · answered by Kikka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋