I need help!?

Question

I am due to be married in feb 2007. The reason is so we can start a family together as we've been together 5 years (both 26). The problem is my bf smokes dope. I dont want to raise a family with drugs and he's promised to quit when we wed. The problem is He's promised me that loads of times before, inc, today. I asked him to chose me or the dope. He chose the dope and we had a big row. We are still together but should I trust that he will quit? I dont want to be pregnant with no partner when its too late. I've tried to get him professional help but he says he hasn't got a problem and he needs it to sleep properly. But he is making a joint now and he wont be sleeping for hours. What should I do??

Answer 1

GET OUT of there.

no drugs around your kids and family.. that is one of your Standards: then why are u with someone who is a drug addict, and has not proven that he can quit?? he is making empty excuses saying that he wants to quit once u marry. that is BULL. and u know what..even if he means it, it's gonna be an uphill battle for HIM as well as you, therefore if i were u, i'd seriously think about finding someone else. don't settle for less than what you expect in a future Husband....

if i were u, i'd first work on being just a Wonderful Woman, Person, Girlfriend, Future Wife... a Great Catch. once u are confident in yourself, u will realize just how much u are worth, and how much u deserve. after that, don't give up until u find someone who is Worthy of you, and who you are Worthy for.
if u marry this guy and he chooses drugs over you again, who else can u blame??? u gotta first be someone that is Accountable and Respectable and Trust Worthy, and then find someone who has those same qualities. that is the only way things will work, and respect will be there. love may be there now, but it can fade when there is no Work involved. right now, he doesn't seem to have the balls to Work at anything except making a joint.

good luck, i hope u make good decisions in ur life! remember always to seek waht is Positive, Healthy, Happy, and Good in your life, filter out the negatives. :)

Answer 2

If he thinks he needs it to sleep properly, he has development a psychological dependancy on it. He won't quit now until he realises that he's kidding himself.
If he carries on smoking dope you may find it difficult to get pregnant too. It can slow down the production of sperm, and can actually deform them.
I think you have a real problem here and I think you should think seriously about whether you still want to marry him. If you get married and he's still smoking you have no leg to stand on later to make him stop.
The thing with ultimatums is that whatever the answer, you have to stick by them or they are meaningless. If you asked him to choose and he chose the dope, then maybe you should finish the relationship - at least temporarily. It will give him a chance to realise exactly what is at stake.

Answer 3

i know exactly how you feel. Have been in the same situation. My partner was a smoker of tobacco & dope. Then quit tobacco. We were planning on moving, he said he wouldnt smoke in new house. Yeah right. The when baby came along he said he would stop. ok. He would dissappear to shed for ages & came home reaking of it. So again he didnt stop. We argued about it constantly. He was always on another planet. How could we ever have a serious conversation.
He did eventually gave up. But then went onto nicotine lozenges. And became addicted to those !
So he is now off those, but having serious withdrawals & is like a bear with a sore head every day.

So not sure which i prefer. But at least we can have a conversation now, he doesn't smell & he isn't spending money on drugs !

Answer 4

Hi only your heart will tell you what to do. Personally its obvious he is addicted to it and cant do without it or he would stop it for you. Also if you have been together for 5 years then why havent you tried to stop him before. I know if he did it before you were together it could be difficult, but never believe a guy when he says he promises to do it before this and that as the never will do it. As he has chose dope over you before then you know what is coming in the future. But i know you love him and its difficult but if he wont give it up you may need to leave him. As all the stress can make you ill. He has got a problem and it does need sorting, either take him to the doctors and get it sorted. If he needs to take it to sleep properly then why doesnt he go and get something off the doctor for his sleeping habits as this is a problem. If you cant live with it or you wont live with it then just leave him before it gets too late. I know it will be hard for you but its best and you will have done the right thing for yourself now and in the furture. If he loves you he will do anything to keep you.

Answer 5

If he cant chose you over something then i think you have a problem. Try to talk to him calmly without arguing about this make him aware of how seriously you feel about this, and that you don't want drugs around when you get married and start a family. Maybe suggest he stop slowly over the next few months so he doesn't just stop and go cold Turkey in Feb, least if he make the effort to cut down you can trust him more that he will quit.

Answer 6

A family friend is married to a man who has smoked this stuff for years and now all but 1 of her children smoke it , she doesn't and never has and , although she doesn't try and stop him smoking , she is obviously not happy with the way things have turned out , best advice i can give is whatever you do in life your children will emulate or copy you , then when they reach rebellion age they go further than you would to try and prove they're Independence i.e. smoking dope is okay so they go for harder drugs or do something worse like robbery , plus if you don't like it now , how much harder is life gonna be for you when your kids start smoking this rubbish telling you ' dad does it ' get out now while your heart is still intact
Believe me when other peoples kids do drugs it's unfortunate , but when your own kids do , it rips you apart

Answer 7

for sure you don't wont the father of your baby to smoke dope, as i do think it can affect the child. you need to look this up somewhere, perhaps if he sees the facts, he may get a shock and stop. Smokers who say they haven't got a problem, are the ones who just plain don't wont to stop....they love it. Trouble is he is used to smoking before bed, and i thought that as you said hes awake now and will be for hours, after a smoke, i always thought that when they come down of the dope that is the time when he will sleep.............you sound like you really don't what to do know, and don't wont to say leave, but you really need to sit down and think about what you wont out of life and where you wont to be, especially sounds like you really wont a child.I hope that all goes will for you....good luck and god bless.

Answer 8

He obviously has a problem and putting you below the dope in his priorities is wrong, in my opinion and obviously yours. Dope is destructive and if he does decide to give up it will be hard for him, but good for your relationship and any children. otherwise i think you should think about what you are getting from the relationship. Has anyone ever told you he isn't good enough for you? Do your friends like him? You definitely need to resolve this problem if you are going to marry him.

Answer 9

I was with someone like this and I left.He has got a problem,no way will he quit when you are wed.Good luck,you will need it.
My kids now have a brilliant life,they wouldn't have had if I had stayed with dope head.I was with my ex for 4 years,he had no intention of stopping,just kept giving me excuses.

Answer 10

If someone cant chose the one they love over an addiction...then they are seriously addicted! You need to move on...As hard as it sounds it will be better off for you and your future children... Plus I can garentee there is someone else out there that will put you first before anything else!

Good Luck!