I have been dating my guy for 7 months and at first he was great, he always complimented me & told me just how much he loves and cares for me, but here lately he has been spending more of time with his guy friends, (almost everynight) kinda putting me on the "back burner", it seems like he's not putting any effort into our relationship. He only calls in when he's bored, it's like I am a way to waste time. I don't know what to do, I don't want to tell him to stop spending time with his friends, but I miss the connection we had when we first started dating. I want to be with him but I can't help feeling like I'm wasting my time. I want to talk to him but I don't know what to say.
2006-10-02 08:57:06 · 24 answers · asked by beautifuldreamer63 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
happens ALL the time.. once a guy is comfortable, he automatically goes into a "cruise control" mode. what u have to do is talk to him.. sit him down, and explain that the way he acts makes u feel as if u are not important anymore. if he says that's not the case, then say u want to believe him, but the way he acts doesn't make you feel happy or safe or loved. and u need to figure out a way to help him learn what you Need him to do. if he is willing to work on it, then he's a keeper. if he gets angry or thinks u are bothering him, then that's a problem..it shows immaturity and lack of understanding or respect for you as a girlfriend.
i had this problem w/ my ex.. i realize now that he didn't Validate my feelings...i know he loved and cared for me, but he didn't know how to make me feel it. and when i told him, he got irritated and angry and defensive, instead of trying to figure out a Solution for both of us. now, i think he regrets it..anyways, i have a great boyfriend now, and we went thru the SAME thing, and i explained everything to him. difference w/ him, is that he Listened to me, and understood that i was feeling bad, even tho it wasn't his intention.
my advice to you, is to explain yourself and how u feel, try not to Accuse him. don't be angry or upset, just explain step by step what he has done, and how it has made you feel. the thing about men & women is that they just Think Differently... when i explained it step by step, my boyfriend literally went "... OHHH..no wonder u were mad". =T stop assuming that he already should know this or that, as a boyfriend. he doesn't think the same way a girl does (logically). so u have to really make it clear, and show each step, so that he can understand and figure something out. good luck!!!
2006-10-02 09:03:02 · answer #1 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems some relationships, start out good and then before you know it, you're wondering where did it all go wrong. It sounds like he's wanting to spend more time with the guys, rather than you. It could be that his friends are jealous that he spends alot of time with you, two. Who knows what his friends are probably telling him, just to distract him, away from you. I truly think you should sit him down and discuss this with him, it's not going to hurt anything. Tell him how you feel, let him know that you are in no way, suggesting that he stays away from his friends, all you're asking for, is that he spends a little more time with you, like he did in the beginning. Tell him that you miss him saying the words "Iove you", tell him you miss the compliments, that he used to give you. You need to let him know, that you feel like he puts you on the back burner and that he only calls, when he's bored, don't worry about him getting upset, if he gets upset, that just goes to show, that the truth hurts. You can do one of two things, you can let your voice be heard or you can sit there and continue to let him treat you, like you don't even exist, that's totally up to you. Anyone can say the words "I love you", but meaning it, is another story. Have that talk with him, good luck.
2006-10-02 09:26:13 · answer #2 · answered by A_WWE_FAN_4LYFE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what is happening in the relationship. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him why he is spending more time with his friends, instead of with you in this relationship. Could he be using you for something? Has there been anything that you have done to make him stop seeing you so often? Maybe he had spent so much time with you that now he just wants some personal time to himself where he could spend time with his friends, and have some space and time without you.
If it keeps happening like this where he is not dedicating time to you anymore, something could be wrong. If I were you, I would sraight up talk to him and tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. Find the answers before it's too late to regret, or whatever the incident may be. Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck!~
2006-10-02 09:02:29 · answer #3 · answered by leazngurl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are asking this question, then yes, you should.
His behavior clearly doesn't match how he says he feels about you. That would be a huge red waving flag to me!!!
I would just tell him that you detect his loss in interest and you will spare him the responsibility of coming clean with you and just end things yourself. Tell him you deserve better than to be jerked around and blown off. Don't even give him the option of sweet-talking you into sticking around and putting up with it.
Tell him that you want to be a priority, not just an option to him, and if he doesn't feel that way, then you can do better. He may be mad, but that's not your fault.
You deserve a guy who does not cause you to question, wonder, or worry about his feelings for you. You deserve a guy who is so good to you, you will want to call your friends and brag about him to them, not try to figure him out on yahoo answers....
2006-10-02 09:04:56 · answer #4 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him, telling him exactly how you feel..It might be he does not realize he as put you on the back burner, or it might be he is tired of the relationship and is trying to find away out. Either way you really need to talk and find out just what is going on and go from there... good luck
2006-10-02 08:59:42 · answer #5 · answered by lynda 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him. Tell him just what you said here. Be honest and firm but not mean. All you can do is let him know how you feel, if he chooses to say that you are wrong or its not really happening then I would suggest leaving him and finding another who will respect you and give you the attention you want.
2006-10-02 09:28:02 · answer #6 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all If this guy loves you and care bout you he would be spending time with you I would understand if hes at work or doing something good for him self but hanging out with friends hes telling you your not important in his life and that he like hanging out with his friends been there done that find some one who will respect you and wanna be with you and only you you never know he might be out there cheating!!!!!!!!!!!!!! look out k take car bye
2006-10-02 09:01:51 · answer #7 · answered by ballar23714 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say the best thing for you to do is to communicate exactly what your feeling to him. Then, if he doesn't try to be more considerate of your needs then you should consider moving on. I believe when a man is 100% interested he will show it, even after 7months and find a way to balance you and his friends
Good Luck!
2006-10-02 09:04:10 · answer #8 · answered by Cherrycrime 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, drop him! That is a guys way of saying he's bored of you and trying to make it easy to break up with you. Why let him have the satisfaction? Break up with him first. There is always someone better than the last.
2006-10-02 09:02:11 · answer #9 · answered by Lila B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first do no harm.search yourself.have you changed so much that all he wants to do is deal with you from afar.remember that some men can't stand a lot of complaining.i have a feeling he still loves you.please sit with him and talk over this problem
2006-10-02 09:09:42 · answer #10 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋