Im afraid my husband is depressed but has told me he wont get help. He has had multiple jobs and has found a excuse on why he should quit. So i have supported him thru everything trying to be a supportive wife. I have also always paid for everything i have a really good carreer and and i dont mind but i would like bigger and better things and when he quit his last job it has taken him 3 weeks to even look for one. he has had 3 interviews and found a reason why not to take them. He also does nothing around the house and sends are daughter to daycare. i am starting to get really frustrated and am having a hard time respecting him. He tells me i nag at him too much so it makes him not want to do anything. More excuses. I would have no problem if he watched our daughter every now and then and picked up around the house. He also acts like a child very immature always teasing me and driving me nuts. What can i do to motivate him? i feel like i dont want him in the house too frustrating.
2006-10-02 08:52:31 · 20 answers · asked by juels222 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have tried to talk to him and all he does is laugh it off and he comes back saying something like a smart *** thing. Its like talking to a teenager hes always mocking me i do have a feeling he does not respect me. What should i do?
2006-10-02 10:14:12 · update #1
Kick his butt to the curb! Just think you are already carrying the whole load, all he is to you is another mouth to feed and nothing else. Trust me I have a brother-in-law the same as him. They have been married 27 years and he hasn't changed at all.
2006-10-02 16:00:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like we were in the same boat. My husband was the same way. Then I started getting stressed out because I was overworking myself to make ends meet, when my husband was just sitting on his a**. So you know what I did, I threatend him and told him that if he didn't get a job within a week then he would have to pack his stuff and get out. I didn't care if I had to do everything by myself, I was doing it before and I can continue to do it. I can't afford to support a grown a** man who is capable to work and hold up a household, and take care of my children. It's was too much. There is no reason for me to be doing all the work and your not doing anything to help. If you are tired of my nagging and b*tching at you then get up and get a job. That's all you have to do. It worked with my husband. And if he act like he can't keep a job, then start to only provide for you and your children. Laundry needs to be done, make him wash his own. Make dinner for only you and your children. A man who doesn't work doesn't eat! Don't pay for nothing, only take care of you and your children. He should come around.
2006-10-02 09:02:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be depressed, but if so he needs to see a doctor for an accurate diagnosis and referral to a specialist in that area. There is another thing that it could be that you need to find out for sure - substance abuse. If this is the case, it is not always obvious. My mother-in-law was a closet alcoholic for years before she was discovered and came "out of the closet". The same can occur with other drugs as well. Would he submit to a drug and alcohol screening?
You cannot help him by continuing to support his conduct. Being the enabler, as you have been in this case, only serves to reinforce his behavior as he has no incentive to change. You need to start by getting counseling for yourself as to how to approach the situation. It is going to be a long and painful road but if you get the tools, are persistent, and find the right mix of prodding and patience things will work out.
2006-10-02 09:19:11 · answer #3 · answered by sloop_sailor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop feeding him. Take your daughter out for a sandwich before you come home from work. Stop doing his laundry. Eventually he will either take a hint and get back into the groove of life, or if he makes no effort, you will need to make some decisions about your family living arrangements.
I went through this eight years ago. It was a hard choice, but I have never looked back.
2006-10-02 08:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By allowing it to continue, you are enabling him to continue living the way he is. He's disrespecting you and expecting you to love him unconditionally, which is Mama's role, not yours. Put your foot down. You can't MAKE him work or even want to, but you can decide what you're going to have in your life. You don't have to support him. Tell him to go stay with his mommy until he grows up and can hold down a decent job because you don't have the time, energy, or money to do all the things he is expecting of you and still have a decent, dignified life. He is merely one more child to raise and one more mouth to feed rather than a partner.
2006-10-02 09:01:38 · answer #5 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as you continue to pay for everything and give him an excuse to not be a man he will continue to do the things he does and treat you the way he does. There is no excuse for quitting every job, sending your daughter to daycare creating more bills for you .Find a man that wants the things you do , that will be good to you and your daughter , that will offer help when its required and needed. put him out (current guy) and force him to MAN-UP.
2006-10-02 09:53:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL.....I like the first answer. "Talk to him and try and be his friend". What a moron. Please don't follow that dolt's advice.
As the breadwinner and the sole support for the house you must now take a stand. If he refuses to get help for his depression and insists upon remaining gainfully unemployed you can tell him that is okay with you. You'll just see to it that he'll have the oppurtunity to do all of this without you and the kid in tow. You have a responsibilty to yourself and the kid. Apparently he doesn't feel that way.
Try it and if he laughs at you then I guess you'll have to show him you aren't screwing around.
best of luck to you lady.
2006-10-02 08:58:52 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well keep making him go and find a job this all i would do too.
My husband works. He is addicted to work and beer.
but other than that i am ok. With ur husband humm. All i can say is divorce him. U can do it on ur own. I am sure ur friends will support u too. I wish i could do that.
2006-10-02 08:59:17 · answer #8 · answered by forgetme_40 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have beaten your man down to the point he feels unable to do anything. ENCOURAGE your man, instead of discourage....It will take some effort on your part, but you need to encourage and admire, and respect your husband. That is the ONLY way to work out of this mess.
2006-10-02 08:56:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel. If he doesnt get up and go out and look for a job leave him. you are better of alone.
2006-10-02 08:57:48 · answer #10 · answered by phoenixchickNY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋