Hi, I have a great boyfriend, and already one 3 yr old son whom I brought up on my own so far. I just got pregnant and my boyfriend doesn't want me to keep it. I think it will be hard whatever we do, as we are only together 6 months so far, but now we have conceived I feel unable to take its life. he says he can't go through with it, and I already went thru with a pregnancy without any help from the father so know I can't cope if he resents me/leaves us. (I do believe a child is better with two parents, mainly because I get stressed etc then you can take turns and the kid knows someone is always 'ok' and there for them) Do I hope he comes round to the idea of a baby, or do I just have an abortion, and then probably feel so depressed I won't be able to stay with this man? I feel like I'm being put in an impossible position. BTW I'm 33, he's 40 and already had 2 kids years ago. I feel like I'm in a bad dream. I was so happy till he came over and started telling me what I have to do.
2006-10-02 08:45:17 · 41 answers · asked by Susier 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Kissable - I know. no matter what he says and even if I agree in my head, In my heart I don't feel I could do it...it's already in me, it's done, it's too late. And yes I see it has a heartbeat already, from info sites. I guess I'm more frightened of the incredible stress if we have it against his will and he turns nasty. Been there before. Best love and luck for your babies xx
2006-10-02 08:54:36 · update #1
Fierce - thankyou for sharing. What happened was I said I would one day want another child. he said he didn't want to. I said we better break up now. so we did, for a week...then he changed the thing, he said he'd love to but was worried about money. So i thought that was the issue and I told him if it happened I would want to keep it. Anyway we got back together on this pretext and that night was a bit passionate, I usually know when i'm most fertile but had lost track and got the day wrong, obviously it wasn't intended but a weird coincidence. Now he says he can't do it. I feel like he took me for a ride because he does love me/ needs me and can't bear to lose me cos I want a kid. He's trying really hard to keep us talking, keep things ok even tho we are both so scared for different reasons...me cos I feel alone, him cos he has no control and feels he hasn't the energy to raise another kid. I guess. So that's what happened..
2006-10-02 09:01:18 · update #2
I would marry them like a shot! I seem to choose the independent types...probably a reason for that in me? but I would marry.
2006-10-02 09:04:22 · update #3
do what your heart tells you
2006-10-02 08:49:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If any of these 30 answers don't help you please listen to my story, years ago, I already had two children that I was completely raising on my own, and even though I was taking birth control got pregnant for a third time, myself and the father of the baby decided it would be best to abort, because he didn't "want another one" and I was scared to bring another one in being a single parent and I didn't want to take away from the two I already had. so I went ahead with the abortion at 8 1/2 weeks ...and well that was 4 years ago and honestly not a day goes by that I don't wish I wouldn't have done what I did. I wish I would have believed in myself and believed that I was strong enough to raise three children on my own. Fate did work out for me however, I married my high school sweetheart who loves my two girls to pieces, since then we had a little boy together and are now pregnant for the last time. But even still to this day as good as life is to me now, I hate that I made the decision I did. I know I did what I thought was best for me and my children at the time. But looking back, it would have been okay and I wish I would have realized it then. I sure hope this helps. And if your boyfriend doesn't think he has the "energy" to have another one? He had enough energy to make it right? Good luck honey and I know you will make the decision that is best for you and your situation, but don't let your decision lie on what he is telling you to do. Good Luck and repost and let us know your decision.
2006-10-02 09:19:33 · answer #2 · answered by mtcmmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I have to ask: under what circumstances did you get pregnant? Was there any birth control use at all? Had you discussed this possibility with him beforehand (as in "what would we do if I got pregnant")??
Ask yourself this: how would you feel if you had an abortion and he ends up dumping you in six months anyway?
What kind of father is he to his other 2 children? That's absolutely going to be your "crystal ball" for this one.
I'm not going to judge anyone regarding abortion: I had 2 as a teenager, but I also know I could NEVER have another. That's just me. You are the one who has to bear the brunt of the consequences for EITHER decision.
You need to be ready for the worst case scenario either way: 1) you have an abortion to concede to his wishes and end up resenting him for it and you might not stay together anyway and you might have a very hard time dealing, or 2) you choose to go ahead with the pregnancy and very likely end up doing it all on your own.. you know from experience how hard that is as well.
As someone who chose 1) and 2) at various times in life, I must say that I PERSONALLY would not change a thing, even though raising my eldest son alone was incredibly hard, it was also priceless.
2006-10-02 08:53:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend (who you've been dating for a *mere* six months) is requesting that you kill your unborn child, I wouldn't exactly refer to him as "great." I can think of a few other words to describe him--selfish, lazy, irresponsible, childish (and a few other profane words that I can't mention here without being reported).
Why would a 40 year old man possibly not want you to have his child? Are you destitute to the point where you really (even with the help of government assistance until you get on your feet) can't support a child? Is he a raging alcoholic/drug user who is afraid he'll abuse the child? Is he unstable and can't hold a steady job, forcing you to move every few months after you're evicted? I really doubt any of those are true. I think he's just lazy and selfish. This is a fairly new relationship, and he wants you "all to himself." I'm sorry if this is hurtful (and please report me if you want) but F--K him and the horse he rode in on.
Men come and go like the tide--your child is your blood and will love you unconditionally until the day you die. It's your decision. I hope you make the right one that's best for you.
2006-10-02 09:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh, your right. This sounds like a nightmare. I don't think anyone can tell you what it is you should do, but woman do have options. I really don't think you could deal with it for the rest of you life if you had an abortion, can you deal with adoption? I know I wouldn't be able to do either one. I also know the stress of being a single parent. Since you are the one who has to live with any decision made, maybe sit him down and let him know how you are feeling and ask if there is any chance of him working this out with you so that you can keep the baby. This is going to be very hard for you, but only you know what you can handle. Good luck with your decision, I really do hope it works out and he comes around with the decision to keep the baby. : )
2006-10-02 08:59:22 · answer #5 · answered by Michelle Lynn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I said it before and I say it again
"Abortion 30 minutes to do it a lifetime to regret it"
Is there anyway you can go ahead with your pregnancy and then give your baby for adoption?. You are talking about your baby as an "it" talking about "its life" how about using he/she so you can feel more connected with the life in your womb, You've been there before, raising children is hard but I belive it's harder to carry the burden of abortion. Take a chance for you and your baby, adoption is a real option. Your boyfriend is not the one who is gonna have the abortion, it's gonna be you, are you willing to go through all ther pain for a man that can't or won't take responsability. You are both adults, not teenagers, if you weren't ready emotionally/economically for another babie why didn't you use any contraception? sorry, I don't mean to lecture you, I was just wondering.
Good luck to you, God bless
2006-10-02 09:02:09 · answer #6 · answered by Marcela 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may not be the best person to answer this question as i have never been in your position but I do know you owe it to your unborn child to make a decision and make it quick. If you are going to terminate the pregnancy you need to do it now - you can not let the life inside you keep developing at the rate it is only to take it away. I have always been pro choice but recently I was sent some sites re abortion and I nearly fainted when I saw the pictures and ended up in tears.
2006-10-02 08:54:45 · answer #7 · answered by eeleet69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you will resent him for making you abort the baby, then you should keep the baby if you want it and not worry about him. Would you rather have a baby by yourself and get to watch the child grow up, or would you rather lose the baby and the boyfriend? I knew when I first heard my baby's heartbeat (I'm 39 weeks pregnant) that I would never be able to do anything to hurt her. I know it's not either of your first babies, but maybe you should go to the doctor and find out before you make a decision...
2006-10-02 08:57:22 · answer #8 · answered by bssmith1220 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what your heart tells you...I dont think you should listen to anybody except for your heart...I know you have to count on your boyfriends opinion but he is not the one that will be hurting later you are the one thats going to hold that inside of you..They dont know how it feels...Im 5 months pregnant the first month I wasnt so sure I was gonna be able to go through with it (Im 18) my boyfriend was excited and he didnt want an abortion it was me but when I started feeling those first kicks and I saw the sonogram I felt so guilty for even thinkin of an abortion.
Just follow your heart other peoples opinion counts but its all up to you...and if you want to have more than 1 baby I think now would be a good time for both of you...
Hope everything works out
2006-10-02 08:55:24 · answer #9 · answered by *Tiny Mommy* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My 2 cents on this whole subject is that the only place you can find this answer is in your heart. I do not criticize people for their choices. But I do know that I have lost 2 children in the past to miscarriage. Two very wanted children. Anyways, you have to do whats right for you...whats in your heart, if not and you make the wrong decision for you, then its going to put you through a lot of stress. You have to be happy, and do whats right for you! You don't have to do anything you dont want to do BTW, if you wanted to keep this child it would be HIS loss, a child is a precious gift, and if you wanted to keep that child that's your call. If you decided for the better for you BOTH it would be wise to abort, that's different but dint do it just because "he says" you have to!!! Good luck!!! Wish you all the best!!
2006-10-02 08:54:16 · answer #10 · answered by aprlbaby06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I know that my opinion won't really matter in your situation, you do what you do. I will tell you something though...I got pregnant at age 17 and my boyfriend was 35, we've been together for 2 1/2 years, and my parents tried forcing me to have an abortion. Me and my boyfriend decided to keep it until my parents got ahold of my boyfriend and talked him into it as well. So, doing what my boyfriend thought he wanted, I had one. And let me tell you, it was the worst thing ever. Please, i am asking..do not do it. We both regretted it and STILL do. He told me that he was crying wanting to come stop the procedure, him not knowing that he could of. Along with the guilt that I feel, and more than likely you would too, the pain is excruiating. I think about it everyday and think that I am going to hell for murder. Don't live with that...if I could change it, I would. look...email me, and we can talk about this, ok? Thanks..
2006-10-02 08:56:13 · answer #11 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋