Dealing with an angry husband...?

Question

I recently got married in May and my husband is an easy going and benevolent guy. He's been really irascible lately. Two weeks ago after work he was really horny but I was tired. He pushed me against the wall and shoved his hands up my shirt. I pushed him and he backed off saying "what the f**k is wrong with you?!". Yesterday I was complaining about him leaving his clothes everywhere and he blatantly ignored me b/c he was so immersed in a football game. I got the remote and turned off the tv and he was furious. He pried the remote out of my hand and raised his hand up to hit me but he put it back down. I told my mom but I dont want to listen to her obsolete ways of thinking (men are dominant etc.) Im not afraid of him but things can escalate. What do you think I should do? Genuine answers plz. I guess taking the remote away was irrational.

Answer 1

Marriage counseling is your best bet. I know some couples fight, but if you have kids a physical fight between you two can affect your child emotionally and mentally. Seek immediate advise from a professional and do keep a list of womens shelters handy in case you do need it (hopefully you wouldn't ever!)

Goodluck!

Answer 2

Sounds like the honeymoon is over and the real reality of married life is setting in. Your husband has high expectations of what married life should be, maybe a little too much TV or maybe your mom was right about male dominance learned from his own parents. Since hes has high expectations, hes feeling let down because the cinderella thing of living happily ever after only happens at Disney World. The stress of married life is now getting to him and he has no way of knowing how to handle it. He needs to realize the days of macho cavemen are long gone and its a whole new era of equality. Woman are no longer treated like cavewomen but as an equal partner in a lifelong relationship where male or Alpha dominance no longer exists. There is no reason for you to put up with this and if it doesnt come under control soon it will only get worse. The biggest problem is how to deal with this as there is no magic or magical potion available to us to change someone into the person we want them to be. So all we have is "tough love" and you need to show some and tell him you wont tolerate his childish behavior and things must change or else. Good luck

Answer 3

if you are asking for a certain type of advice for someone who clearly doesn't seem to suit you, you might have a problem getting the answer you are looking for. My father had a very bad temper and my mother was very calm and mild. He did not hit but the anger he showed her every day lowered her self esteem and she waisted a lot of time with him. He is my father and a great guy but the two just were not suited. Finally after 30 years they divorced. He remarried and she (my step mom) doesn't take any slack from him, but that's just her personality. On the other hand, my mother has dated and wonderful man for about a year. He is mild tempered and they get a long wonderfully. She really loves him and their relationship. They are better suited for each other. Frankly, I'm confused what you see in this guy. Sounds like he is controlling you by using his anger. I guess the only thing you can do, if you are not using your voice loud enough so he will hear you, is to just do what you want and not let his anger effect you. Do what you want. If he asks you what are you doing, tell him and if he gets up set, do it anyway. Don't give him any positive reenforment for yelling or screaming at you. Just act like it doesn't matter and just do your thing. Eventually something will happen. He will stop because it's not working or he might hit you, in which case you need to get away regardless. Good luck.

Answer 4

Regardless of what was irrational, you aren't anyones punching bag or whore. I am sorry to be so blatant, but it really angers me when men (AND WOMEN) think that they are not even dominant, just better than the person that they are with. Obviously, something is going on to make him have such a drastic change in behavior. And, even though you aren't scared now, who's to say that the first time that he really DOES hit you won't be the last? Will you be scared then? You don't deserve to be ignored, you don't deserve to be groped, you deserve the same love and respect that he promised you back in May, and before then. You need to lay it down for him. Ask him what the HELL is going on? Why the sudden mood swing? Is something going on at work? Is something else bothering him? Whatever....regardless of what it is, if it is like this now, it is only going to get worse if you don't do something about it. You need to let him know that you love him, but you love yourself too, and out of repsect for both of you, you think that maybe you should seek counseling, or even maybe he should seek it. You don't want your marriage to end, and I am sure that neither does he. But it doesn't sound like he is doing anything to prevent it either, and sometimes we just have to be the more assertive partner and take the reins to prevent something horrible from happening. Be careful. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

For sure you have married the wrong man. Seems he didn't show his true color before marriage. Yes, things CAN escalate and don't be surprised if they do in the near future. Any man that raises his hand to a women is NOT a man. All you did was turn the tv off. Many many women all over the world have done this. Yeah, maybe their husband got upset, but DID NOT raise their hand up to hit her. You really have a lot to think about. To really really think about.

Answer 6

you've married a large child i should know because i'm like him alittle. I grew up doing what I wanted when I wanted no compromise. You guys are married and need to talk period. It's the only way the thing is going to work. He will be reluctant to talk at first but you've got to make him feel comfertible to talk and open his emotions to you. Yelling and getting in to arguements will only make things worse.

P.S. You never inturupt someone that is seriously in grossed in something. For all you ladies that read imagine this. Your reading a well written piece of writing. There is no sense if time it's only you and the words on the page. Now imagine suddenly what your reading is yanked out your hands what would your first reaction? It may not be to strike the person but it will definately be one of anger and defense. hell you may even b i t c h about for a full week.

Answer 7

It sounds like he has a temper problem. You're right, this can escalate and if I were you, I wouldn't stick around. Who's to say what might happen when your husband's had a little too much to drink? Think carefully about that before you proceed further in this marriage. Has he had a history of abuse in his past? Do you ever feel afraid he will harm you if worse came to worse? If you answered "yes" to either one of these questions, then that's not a very good sign, and you should take extreme cautions. And please don't let yourself or anyone else make excuses for his behavior. We are all faced with choices in our lives, including how we decide to treat people, whether that would be our friends, relatives, spouses, etc. Only your husband can choose his own actions, and only he can decide to change his ways. Don't blame yourself!! I hope this helped you at all. Good luck and please take care of yourself.

Answer 8

Do you post this everyday? Okay. Well. Explain to him that when he acts all animal like that it gives you the heebie geebies and that you don't feel safe. That it is a MAJOR turn off. Let him know you want to meet him half way and work out what you need and what he needs. Tell him you will not tolerate him aggresively going after you thats a boundary. You have to lay these down so he knows there are limits. Limits ALWAYS help bring things into balance...they protect a relationship...............

Answer 9

Just ignore those dirty clothes! And make him think you don't even see them! Ignore all the things he does that aggravate you! He might be doing it just to get a rise out of you! I gave up on those lil' wet balls of wash clothes in the shower and totally ignore the fact now. Was never hit for the slamming of the washer. But I learned , he will pick them up , in his own time. My nagging the fact only started his yelling and screaming like a FOOL. Just ignore it an see if he won't evenutally do as he is suppose to?

Answer 10

Sounds like you two are off track a bit... I would suggest counseling. And it kinda sounds like his raising of his hand may be a prewarning... or something to scare you... and taking the remote away irrational??? The football game is not more important then your feelings of being ignored.