Custody Modification?

Question

My ex husband re-married 1 week ago. Last night he stated that he wanted to modify our custody arrangement from 50/50 (1 week w/ me and 1 w/ him) to him having all custody rights and granting me visitation every other weekend, days only.

I was recently assaulted by a neighbor and he is citing this as his primary concern, in addition to the fact that I drink alcohol, which does not interfere in my ability to work, parent, etc...

He quit drinking after an affair he had that ultimately led to our divorce.

I flatly refused his "offer" and told him that he is free to take me to court. I live a quiet stable lifestyle and have been my sons primary caretaker since birth..My child is 9...any opinions?

You all are great! thank you! He came up w/ a new offer, i get every or every other weekend and wednesdays. I told him that he has no justification to file for a modification, but that if he does, he had better get a really good attorney....he understood...I also told him to check the net and see for himself

Answer 1

Contact a lawyer. If he can prove that the area in which you live is unstable and not to the betterment of the child, he may succeed.

Answer 2

Well, being in a similar situation years ago, I know exactly what the both of you are going through. You have to ask your self (both of you) is there truly concern for your child or are you both contesting because of burned bridges. What I'm leading to is that if your both still bitter over your past then you need to find ways to work around your differences to protect your child. Him being the father however, may be concerned (like any parent) about the environment your son is living in. May I recommend that the both of you go to mediatative counseling regarding this matter and see what the court services counselor recommends. I don't think that it is necessary that he uses your leisurely ways against you if your only drinking socially or recreational. Also, be careful this may be his way to weaseling out of any child support order. You sound like your sincerely telling the truth and if you should go back to court then just be honest don't make excuses for your action just be frank. The last thing a judge wants to hear are excuses. Also, the court looks at the environment that the child resides in primarily. Get the police report of the incident and make sure you out line or highlight the of fence against you. Make the courts know that your finding resources to defend your custodial rights as a parent..

Answer 3

I agree with you. But since he's only been married one week, and he's already asking for this, I would assume it's been on his mind for a while, and that he's already spoken with his new wife about it and she's agreed. I'd make sure you had a shark for a lawyer, and stay on top of things. I'd cut back on the drinking, etc., for a while. You don't want to give the courts ANY reason to assume that you may becoming an unfit mother. The courts no longer rule that children need to stay with their mother instead of their father full-time. Protect your rights and those of your children. A 50/50 arrangement is best. Be very aware of what's going on, and be sure and get that shark.

Answer 4

He can take you back to court, but has to prove to the courts that you have become unfit. He has to have documented proof os such as police reports and/or medical reports showing a drinking problem or problems resulting from drinking. Courts dont like and wont accept hearsay so any court action would favor you. Even if he had proof he still has to prove that any situation is detrimental to your sons best interest and welfare. So as long as you dont agree to or sign anything outside of court, he probably doesnt have much to stand on except idle threats, hoping you will settle with him outside of court. I see nothing here that would hurt you so I wouldnt worry and just because he wants doesnt mean he will get visitation rights changed either. Good luck

Answer 5

It's hard to change custody unless he can prove that the children are endangered, ie. physically abused, neglected, etc. and even then it's still hard to do. I work for a law firm and my fiance has tried to seek a mod. with his ex. She doesn't clean her house, the kitchen has moldy dishes on the counter, she has garbage in the garage and the kids sometimes go for days without a change of clothing or a bath. This is apparently not considered abuse or neglect by the courts standards.
The judge will ultimately look at the best interests of the children and if you have provided them with a loving, caring home...your ex will not have a leg to stand on.

Also, your judgment and decree are considered law. If he wanted joint custody, he should have asked for it before he signed the papers.

Answer 6

get a lawyer and then go from there.........good luck..



on another subject that you brought up.....my x and I share 50/50 custody like you mentioned above 1wk there and back again.......my boys have been doing this since 2001 and it is (5 yrs later) not working............it is such an emotional back and forth for them.....they have no solid place to rest..........I have re-married and my oldest thought that when I re-married that the back and forth would stop, I did not know that and every since then he and his brother cry when they have to go back.........this type of arrangement only works when both parities get along and are essentially friends. We do not have that , and it sounds like you do not either.....my advice to you is to take up his offer for mediation and see if you can get the custody changed for them to be with you and visit on the weekends with him. It is risky, but for the long term benefits of the children involved this back and forth thing just doesn't work

Answer 7

Well being assaulted by a neighbor... I guess not knowing the whole story I would just state random violence can happen anywhere... now drinking he is trying to use that... take stalk and monitor how often you are drinking... your child is 9 and unless you are not a good parent I would not worry.

Answer 8

If he does not take you to court nothing is bonded and you can still stay on the same 50/50. I wouldn't If I were you waste your time in trying to take him to court. If there is no reason why you should alter the previous arrangement i.e. Alcoholism, Child neglect and abuse.....Then your fine.

Answer 9

Unless you are an alcoholic, he really has no case. Get a good lawyer so that you can squash this now. If not, he may come up again later. If you are an alcoholic... start going to A.A. meetings NOW!

Answer 10

He is only bullying you.......don't listen to him............he can take you court........drinking alcohol is not reason for any court to remove a child unless the drinking is effecting his upbringing......the assault thing was not your fault..............
See a lawyer if you need to.