I have lived with my boyfriend for about 17 months now....I was separated from my ex when I met my boyfriend and we really hit it off. My relationship with my ex was doomed to divorce no matter what so meeting a new man had no bearing on breaking up my previous relationship...that relationship was just OVER!! Since moving in though we have had alot of financial set backs, at first we were living in a small apartment that didn't have enough room for us and I was commuting two hours round trip a day to work so when I got my tax return I used the money to move us closer to my work into a bigger apt. I am still NOT divorced from my ex cause except for when I got my tax return I just haven't had the money to do it. I guess if I had saved here and there I might have but I get wrapped up in stress and paying bills and thinking more about my life with the man I have now, I tend to "forget" sometimes that I am still married to my ex. Sounds crazy but its true. (see additional details)
2006-10-02 08:15:52 · 14 answers · asked by Shae 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My b/f now gets upset from time to time cause I am not yet divorced....I really DO want to be but its expensive to get a divorce, even by myself it takes food from our home and I would have to set aside important bills, electric and so forth. Things are getting better and soon I can do it, my b/f says if I wanted it I would have done it by now, he says he thinks I am purposely not getting my divorce. I love my boyfriend and I want a divorce so I can be free to be whatever in my new relationship. Do you agree with my b/f or can you see why I have put off for right now getting it done! I will do it just as soon as it is not taking from my family I have now! To me, its just a piece of paper....my heart belongs to my boyfriend now...I am really interested in what you men have to say about this.
2006-10-02 08:18:33 · update #1
My b/f does help with the bills, its just money is tight right now for both of us! We work on the bills together as far as paying is concerned.
2006-10-02 08:39:28 · update #2
I can see where both of you are coming from. Your boyfriend is probably just scared, which he has a right to be, that you are going to go back to your ex. He probably just needs some closure. However, divorce is expensive and I can see where you would have to save up the money. What you can do is show your b/f all of the costs of divorce and then show him how much you have saved for it. That will help him understand, and do this periodically so that he knows you are still saving to make it happen. Also keep letting him know that you truly love him, I know you will have to do it until you are blue in the face but if you do truly love him then it is worth it. Hope that everything works out for you!
2006-10-02 08:23:01 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand...I been separated from my husband for 2 years now and we both have someone else..But i keep on puttying off going to file for divorce because i don't have the money or time...We have two kids together and i talk to him once a week..But im not sure of his reason for not filing for divorce..I know i want a divorce for sure...No matter what i know i will never get back with him...And if i had the money and time i would have done it along time ago...My boyfriend is very understanding and knows why i haven't gotten divorced yet so its coo..But it sounds as if your paying for everything and your new boyfriend isn't helping you out with bills...If that the case you should know better then that..
2006-10-02 08:37:36 · answer #2 · answered by ?Whiskey Girl? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny you should ask...
I have been with my "boyfriend" for a little over 8 years. However, I have married for just over 11 years. Now, I haven't lived with my "husband" for almost 10 of the last 11 years, but we still are not divorced. I have my reasons and one of them is sheer laziness ;-)
It is not so important to me as I am confident and comfortable with who I am and my boyfriend loves me either way. It has caused the occasional problem, but we get passed it and I am filinf through an attorney some time next spring.
If your man really loved you and it bothers him oh so much for your to still be married to your husband... tell him to pay for it or shut the h**l up until you can get your crap in order. By the way, what did your boyfriend do with his tax return??
2006-10-02 08:31:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a man but why not put yourself in his shoes. Would it be ok if he hadn't divorced yet ? Would your excuses go over well with you ? It is true, if you wanted it you would have done it, especially now that your living with someone new. Set a little aside each paycheck and get it done. There is always going to be other things to spend the money on.
2006-10-02 08:26:21 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being irresponsible. Only ignorant and uneducated people do not divorce and carry on life as nothing ever happened. Are you one of them?
If you have no property or children go to the local city hall and file there. uncontested divorces can be done for the sum of a lousy $75 or so.
2006-10-02 08:41:10 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I disagree with your current bf. He must understand the financial situation you both are in. Is he not helping out with the bills? If he wanted you to be divorced, surely he'd be helping more, eh? Seems to me like he's looking for an excuse for an argument and to place blame, for some reason or another.
2006-10-02 08:23:55 · answer #6 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... divorce is not that bad priced especially when both parties will not fight over anything... I guess if it is something that bothers him maybe the 2 of you should set the money away for the divorce.
2006-10-02 08:22:06 · answer #7 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough spot if you want your new relationship wants to grow. I'm sure there is/are cheap ways to get a divorce if there is nothing to fight over, all you need is every ones signatures on the divorce decree.
2006-10-02 08:20:08 · answer #8 · answered by Boomish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all u didn't mention just what role your "new" boyfriend plays in how hw feels about you being still married or what role he plays in the financial situation . But my honest opinion is you can ask him to help u to get your divorce or you can look into legal aide, it may take a while longer but atleast u will have the ball rolling! good luck and may God bless u!!!
2006-10-02 08:23:41 · answer #9 · answered by shawtypimp2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a cheat. I think you need to be divorced for a while before starting another relationship. I think you are doomed to another failed relationship because you let your infatuations run your life.
Your boyfriend is probably correct that you would have done it it already if you really wanted to.
Wait till hubby gets angry and starts messing with your legal status ,like a lease, cosigning for a car healthcare etc.
2006-10-02 08:19:25 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋