AM I wrong for this?

Question

My husband & I had something happen a year ago that almost destroyed our marrige , but I stayed with him & we have worked on things but I refused to wear my wedding ring ( he never really wore his because of work ) I felt like the ring was a symbol of our love but after the "thing" that happened his love for me felt non exsistant .... now I want a new ring & new proposal & I want he & I to start all over get remarried ( renew our vows ) & have a new start ... am I asking to much ? I felt I deserved it after all I put up with & deciding to try & make our marrige work ( I love him & we have kids he is a great Dad & a good husband now ) is this taking it over board or do I have the right to want a fresh start?

Im not pushing this issue with him I said it once & I left it alone & I guess deserve was a bad choice of words . I did forgive him & we have moved on , but our wedding day sucked everything that could go wrong ( almost ) did & we had talked about doing it again someday , but for those of you that think I should grow up & forget it let your spouce cheat on you with someone in your family & see how grown up you become , you are forced to think about financial issues , children & a million other things all at once plus keeping this secret because nobody else knows except him her & me...& I loved him enough to give him another shot , but I am in noway pushing for this I mentioned it he wants to do it but I want the real deal a real proposal .....

Answer 1

i wouldnt push it. whatever ring you may wear or not the love is there. if you truely see a change in him grab hold.
both of you must have a real love to be able to make a change and stay happy. the wedding realy wont make any diff. its hard to make a marriage work this isnt the first tril you will have. and to him renewing vows well it didnt stop him last time your love did.

Answer 2

first i say counseling for you and your husband, if anything just to talk about and validate you feelings. I do not know if an all out new ring, ceremony and proposal would be warranted, but maybe a renewal ceremony with a band to put along side of your original ring.......you original vows/original rings are very much a part of who you are as a couple, you have stood by them and hurt and lived and learned to move on together with them. make your future together with lessons learned from the past and become a better person and couple with what you have learned.


a good decision could be a past, present and future three stone ring for you and maybe a new inscription in his ring the new date or something that signifies the new turn that you are taking together, i would think also just a small family and close friend ceremony, maybe outside in a park, no gifts, just a cook out or pitch in, wear a nice outfit, maybe something you would wear to church, nothing big white and lacy. Good luck

Answer 3

I am assuming the "thing" is him cheating on you. If that is true then you are stronger than me because I would have kicked his butt out the door! along with hers. I don't think you are asking to much, a fresh new start sounds like a good idea, especially after something like that. If he refuses then you can throw a guilt trip and just be like..o so I'm not worth it then eh? That should take care of it. He may be a great dad but to me if he cheated he is not a good husband and never will be. I'm not forgiving in that case because if you truly love someone...nothing like that will ever cross your mind, and if it does then you don't really love the person you are with.

Answer 4

I think you need to decide to stop punishing him and start living your life. You made the choice to stay together. You can't "start all over" with the same man! You can't erase the past. You CHOSE to "put up with" what happened, so let it go already! Put on your original wedding ring and start living life today, without all this nonsense about a new marriage.
If you love him, he's a great dad and a good husband, for God's sake get over it, let it go, and honor the vows you made!

Answer 5

I can understand renewing your vows but why the new wedding set. You do not have to have a wedding set to know that you are married. He made a mistake or whatever and you choose to take him back. Now you want all this stuff which is being selfish. If he tells you he is not doing all of that but will renew his vows what are you going to do then? Leave him? Be happy for what you have and have been blessed to make it through and stop being so greedy.

Answer 6

I think that you should celebrate the renewal and improvement of our relationship. Look at it as a improved beginning. Have a good chat with him and let him know what you've told us and how it's not about how you want some different but are celebrating your relationship. It's a great idea! Good luck and congratulations on getting through the hard times and still being devoted to each other.

Answer 7

No I don't think you're wrong, but you both must stand in front of GOD and ask for a blessing on your marriage.If you want a new start you can't bring up anything else he did in the past, forget it move on with your life.Put your wedding ring on girl, tell your husband if he can't wear the ring because of work issue put it on a chain a wear it.

Answer 8

It sounds as if you really haven't gotten past his infidelity.

If I am wrong, my suggestion would be to get your diamond reset -- add a few little sapphire, ruby, or emerald baguettes. Just make it different. I think you would be pleased. As for the renewal of vows, personally, I would skip this, take the $$$ you would have spent on another wedding, and the two of you take a great trip!

Answer 9

It seems that you have already stared over by forgiving him of what he did. Leave well enough along if he has changed, and stop trying to think of me, me, me, all the time. You are married and that is enough. taking vows again does not wash away anything, and you will be the same people you are now. I know you will not agree with me because I did not say what you wanted to hear, but you asked. Sounds as if you are going to persue this untill you get your way anyhow, so why ask for advise? Grow up.

Answer 10

No I dont think you're wrong for feeling that way. You have a right to want a "fresh start". I think you need to sit down and explain to him what you feel and why. Just remember there's kids and a lot of history so he may feel like you're saying "lets forget that happened" when of course you can't. But as a female I would think and feel the same way. I hope it all works out for you!