How do I build confidence around people????

Question

I'm a 20 year old college student that doesn't really have any friends and has never been on a date. The main problem is that I always feel awkward when I talk to people. This comes from me having low confidence around people (especially members of the opposite sex). How do I build up my confidence?

Answer 1

First of all, confidence comes from inside. I would take some time to consider what you value about yourself. It might help if you write these things down. If you can't think of anything to write down, you need force yourself to. What are you interested in? Spend time really getting into what interests you, so that when you are around people you will be able to share something you know lots about. Talking with others without the awkwardness just takes practice, but if you have something to say it will easier. It might help you to observe people who have that mysterious sense of presence that draws people to them. Do not approach this task envying their prowess, but rather approach it logically. What do they do that makes people gather around them? You might want to write down these notes as well and then try to put them into practice. It's not a matter of becoming the other person, but of using skills they possess to improve yourself. Also, athletics tend to feed confidence (including non-competitive). Also, if you are the type of person who doesn't think you deserve things or are self-abnegating. You need to realize that you are worth investing in.

This is just a group of thoughts I had. Hope it helps. The last thing I was going to say is that sometimes guys are very defensive about asking for help. If you can, I would look for one friend who you look up to with a decent heart who would build you up and who you would be able to confide in.

Anyway, this is everything I could think of.

Answer 2

You might have social anxiety disorder. There are medications for it, and cognitive therapy is good for building self-esteem. Also, the more you go on dates the more comfortable and confident you will be.

It's easy to get a date, just ask girls out politely. But, If you try to go for the most gorgeous supermodel types then it will be harder. Start out with a more average-looking girl that is not looking for a "stud." Ironically, the really loose girls are harder to get than other girls if you are not the studly type.

If you have never gone on a date I would suggest just trying to be like a friend at first, and keep the whole sex thing out of the equation until you feel more confident about it. It's much easier to act like you want to be friends, and just hang out. Do homework together, or join a club and go for some coffee after the meetings. This will help you build some comfort level to help you later when you go on "real dates."

Answer 3

Confidence comes from:
(a) Dispelling the beliefs that make you feel uncomfortable.
(b) Building a skill so that you are "better" than the people you're nervous around.

Therefore:

1. Read and apply the techniques in "Feeling Good" by David Burns (see the link below). You can find this book in the library (or buy it used).

2. Find something you like: a hobby, a sport, anything. Get very involved and become good at it. Two things will happen:
(a) You won't be nervous around those people because they have similar interests.
(b) You'll discover that other people will be nervous when talking to *you* because you're the top dog.

Trust me. It works.

Answer 4

Don't focus so much on the other people. Focus on bettering your situation and the confidence will come naturally.

REALLY work on making yourself a better person morally (the most important) and physically (getting in better shape never hurts).

Spend your free time pursuing the things YOU enjoy and getting better at the things you are interested in. You'll find it much easier to relate to people who have the same interests as you do, and this is how you meet them!!

You are worried too much about fitting in to THEIR world, when you should be more concerned about meeting people who share YOUR WORLD, so you should always strive to make your world (how you spend your time on a regular basis and WHO you spend it with) the best it can be. Then, friends and lovers who share your interests and views will be attracted to the life you have made for yourself!!

Answer 5

First of all, you need to know what you're saying to yourself about what the other person "thinks of" you. Of course, this is your fantasy, because you cannot really know unless you ask. You are undoubtedly saying things like: "(S)he's going to laugh at me," or "think I'm foolish/awkward/ugly/stupid" etc. You're invested in what you believe the other person will think of you more than you're invested in what you think of yourself. You make negative predictions that you rarely test out and if you do test them out, you're so scared that you act it and it shows. You need to get your self esteem from, well, yourself, rather than from others. You need to feel okay about who you are (and you probably actually are okay) and believe it. Then you can develop a "who cares what they think" attitude, which will actually not come across as obnoxious if you are respectful of the other person. Just because your self esteem is low is no reason to think that you're not a wonderful person whom others would love to meet. Lastly, allow yourself to not be liked by the whole world. Be grateful for those with the insight and intelligence to like you, and pity those who never get the chance to learn that you're a great person.

Answer 6

i think of you will desire to easily be your self. in case you're shy in group settings, yet sense you're waiting to be extra outgoing a million on a million and it rather is comfortable... i think of you will desire to attempt to concentration extra on going out with human beings a million on a million so which you would be extra comfortable with your self. If it is the place you sense extra comfortable, you will behave extra optimistically considering the fact which you is in simple terms not intimidated by potential of a set. Be arranged with some questions you are able to ask the lady approximately herself... questions that gets her speaking so which you will in simple terms concentration on listening. All you will desire to do is ask considerate stick to-up questions and which will carry the communication and she or he'll think of you're constructive considering the fact which you're showing activity in discovering approximately her. Make solid eye touch and make constructive she's comfortable and she or he'll think of you're completely comfortable and constructive. solid success!

Answer 7

Be yourself, smile and realize you are not the only one a bit nervous about all this. Say hi to everyone.. Good luck and quit worrying. You will do fine.

Answer 8

the basic point is that you lack confidence in yourself.build it up first, trust yourself,then try to give out to others.remember you can not give what you dont have.

Answer 9

You should go up to a girl and say hi.