We've talked about it and he wants to have one onday but not now. Is he going to oneday say, "I'm ready, lets start trying" or do guys not think like that? I don't want to keep bugging him but how often should I bring it up? As much as I want one, I don't want to surprise him oneday and tell him that I'm pregnant when he's not ready, which I know happens a lot but I'd rather have a planned pregnancy.
2006-10-02 06:53:54 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Just wait... Having a baby is a HUGE responsibility, and costs money... It will Take a lot of your time.. In the mean time, enjoy all the free time you have w/ your partner...
2006-10-02 06:56:38 · answer #1 · answered by qbanita0113 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question you need to ask is--how long have you guys been in your relationship? Two months? Yeah--probably best to wait for a *bit* longer. :) 10 years? I'm guessing he has some issues that need to be worked out. Somewhere down the middle? That's tough. My husband and I were going to be married for a few years before trying to have our first child. Well, we were engaged when I conceived our first son. Neither of us were ready (My older son just turned 2 1/2 and I STILL don't think we're ready, LOL) If this DOES happen, he'll pretty much have to be ready. If he decides he really doesn't want a child and either leaves you or gives you an ultimatum (me or the baby) then he's really not such a great guy after all.
Having a planned pregnancy is the way to go...wait until you're on your feet financially, have good, stable jobs, a nice home, reliable cars, physically/mentally mature, etc., but that's not always the way it happens. If every parent on this planet waited until they were TRULY ready to have a child, I think our population would probably be extinct. :)
2006-10-02 16:34:32 · answer #2 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A planned pregnancy is the best, usually. It has to be something you both are ready for. If you are older, and he continues to resist, then a new partner might be a consideration. But if someone isn't ready for kids, it won't be a good thing necessarily. And it is also something NOT to rush into. A baby is a lot of work. No more sleeping in, no more lazy days, no more time to yourself, etc,. I'm a happy mother of one little 2 year old girl. She was planned and I love her to pieces, but I can imagine what a mess my life would have been if this had happened years ago, unplanned.
2006-10-02 13:59:30 · answer #3 · answered by trancegoddess2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a father myself, being a parent is HARD WORK, especially that first year of sleepless nights. You don't understand sleep deprivation until a week's worth of dealing with a crying baby who won't fall asleep. And even when the baby finally does start sleeping through the night (and believe me, it will seem like forever to get to that point), parenting doesn't get easier. It's a constant challenge.
I would have gone CRAZY if I wasn't 100% committed and enthusiastic about having kids.
He has to be READY and committed to this choice.
Find out what his reasons are for waiting. Are you both still in your 20s? Do either of you still have some education to complete? Are you at stable points in your careers or is he working his butt off to establish himself career-wise?
If he has legitimate reasons for waiting and is willing to plan for the future with you, then respect his desire to wait until something is accomplished or a certain date arrives.
If he just doesn't feel ready and doesn't know when he'll ever be ready -- then you need to reconsider the relationship. If you really want to have kids and it seems like he might never want them, you're both going to make each other very very unhappy.
But whatever you do, you're right -- you DO NOT want to intentionally get pregnant until he's ready. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen, in my opinion.
2006-10-02 14:17:31 · answer #4 · answered by got_da_scoop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the moment, disregarding the "mariage" question, I suggest you talk to your partner about your feelings. Try to fiind out what conditions would let him begin thinking about rasing a child. Is it strictly financial? Is it a matter of his reaching a certain age, or acheiving a set of goals?
Many of these things are those you can help with. Others will be just a matter of time. Perhaps you can BOTH agree to those "conditions," and agree to have children, then.
But here's the thing. He may not be able to have, even this, discussion. He may even NEVER be ready for it. In that case, you will have to make the decision. Either give up on having children, for now, or, give up on him.
What should NOT be an option is for you to have a child, by him, without letting him in on the plan. This kind of blackmail almost NEVER works for a couple.
It's not a matter of bugging him. You can have that discussion now, and attempt to get things settled. Guys often DO think about having children, ESPECIALLY if they have been in a long-term comitted relationship.
But no one here, on Yahoo Answers, can know if he is one of those guys.
2006-10-02 14:35:58 · answer #5 · answered by Vince M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on whether you believe him when he says that he will one day. I don't how old you are or he is, but if he's 35 and still saying "one day", maybe it's time to move on. Why not stop mentioning it for a few weeks and then sit down with him and say "You know I've been thinking, and I'm not so sure I want to have kids anymore", and see how he reacts. Also, how does he act around kids, have you two ever babysat for a friend? I know what it's like to want a baby, but make sure you think he'll be a good dad, or make sure you're ready to do it on your own!
2006-10-02 14:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best plans of men and mice often go astray. What happens if you do get pg and I don't mean on purpose.
Have you discussed your plans for the future and when you think you'll both be ready for parenthood?
Don't bring it up directly. Just in round about ways, for instance, if a mutual friend or family member tells you they're expecting. You don't want it to be a battle ground, but it's nice to know what a fellow thinks about children from time to time.
2006-10-02 13:59:42 · answer #7 · answered by auld mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok if he is not ready and you are its not really fair for him or the baby cause wouldnt you rather have a happy family with a dad that loves the kid uncoditionally or would you rather have a dad who says he loves the kid but wished you could have waited and another thing you got to worry about is if you do get pregnant he can walk away that is what happend to me and i was with the guy for 2 years so what ever you decided please do it with caution because your baby deserves both a mom and dad and pregnancy is something you cna wait for
2006-10-02 13:58:21 · answer #8 · answered by MS DAHL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not committed to marriage, why do you think he will be there for a commitment of a Child.
I would cut him off of the free milk, and decide if you are both ready for a commitment of Marriage before even thinking about bring a Child into this world.
Peace, and Good luck.
2006-10-02 13:56:36 · answer #9 · answered by C 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you need to wait until he is ready because a baby is a huge responsibility and it is good that he realizes that and if you pressure him to have one now then he will resent you or feel like you you are "trapping" him use protection or birth control and he will let you know when he is ready if he also wants children.
2006-10-02 14:45:09 · answer #10 · answered by krystal s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋