Okay, I've been real stressed out by this but my husband was deployed over In Iraq 3 months ago. Everything was fine till like 3 days ago when he e-mailed me saying he has to worry about stuff back home and he just wanted to end it now.. I don't understand. He had written another e-mail saying he wished I would find another guy when he came back. Is he just insecure?? It started after he found out he would be deployed to Iraq 3 more times. He comes home on leave in Feb. hopefully. but, I don't know how to take all this. Any advice?? thank you for reading.
2006-10-02 05:38:08 · 23 answers · asked by CNT C ME 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just try to talk to him maybe he is just really really stressed with thinking he would get to be with you them having to go back,This dam war is hard on every one involved
Good Luck
2006-10-02 05:42:41 · answer #1 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he has great fears of being in Iraq and even more greater fears since he will be in for 3 more tours. If i were the person concerned I will probably have more fears and worries than what your husband now has.
Don't want to say this but must. Perhaps he has seen death. perhaps deep inside he knows, call it gut feelings, he'll come home in a box.
Have you considered the fact that many in the military that are exposed to death or the ravages of war for long periods of time do come home with changed personalities.
it's hard to say. Maybe you're husband is just telling you that you should be strong to face up to anything that comes your way while he is in Iraq. i don't think he has found someone new.
I am sure there are a lot of peer groups that you can consult or talk to.
Ask and don't be afraid to ashmed to shed tears. This is a very serious
matter. Keep a strady flow of communications with your husband. Perhaps just hearing your voice and he knowing that you're with him all the way will ease some of his tensions and fears as it will do the same to you.
Good luck and even though i am not that very much into this god thing, i will still say with utmost sincerity GOD BLESS!!!!!
2006-10-02 08:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by ang-pogi-ko 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is currently powerless to influence his own future much less yours. He also knows he cannot be with you. This can all be a misguided plan for you to have an excuse if you stray. " you said to find a guy". It can also be a way of pushing you away before something happens to him and thus ease the blow. And yes, it can also be that he has some army honey in his unit as the once a cheater crowd here likes to believe. There are a lot of different possibilities. You should ask him.
2006-10-02 06:03:39 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay he is in Iraq... He is so stressed that "we " couldnt even pretend to know what he is thinking, or feeling... He is in a suituation that he probably never in a million years ever thought he would be in A WAR ZONE...... He probably needs to talk to a therapist. He doesnt sound like he is holding it together> You should go to one here. Its hard to deal ... its hard to deal with his problems and you need help to support this guy. He is having a hard time at it . I would tell him that .. It sounds like depression and not being able to cope. I would try if time permits to tell him you love him and that things are okay with you and him and dotn worry.... I mean if this is his wish cant he make it when he gets home and after mabey some marriage therapy??? Tell him if he still feels that way when he gets home .... you will talk about it . ( its hard for you too... how dare him do that .. But he in his daily life in a war zone is not a normal life... go talk to someone to either be able to stay or prepare your self to go ... but go ... you in a bad suituation .... he is there your here... its difficult. )
2006-10-02 05:49:04 · answer #4 · answered by zachs mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he may be insecure about being away from you for that long. I want to ask you a personal question, have you ever cheated on him and has he ever cheated on you? I ask that because if you answered yes to either one of those questions, that may be the reason for his attitude. If either of you have cheated, he doesn't trust you to be alone and he feels that he would rather go ahead and end it now before anyone does something that they'll regret later. And if neither of you has cheated, has he ever been away from you that long before? That may have something to do with it also. I will pray that things work out for you. I hope things will get better and if all else fails, pray on it and HE will see you through it.
2006-10-02 05:52:48 · answer #5 · answered by wilsonhutchison04 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has found someone else and doesn't want to be "the bad guy".
If you divorde him then he is free to persue anyone else and.... most likely he already has someone in mind... someone he wants to be sure gets any benifits that he may have should he be killed.. and the only reason I can think he would want someone to have those is because someone is pregnant with his child (and its not you).
sorry... I'd give him what he wants.. divorce him and then move out and don't have any more to do with him. No matter what you do.. its over and has been (for him) for some time now.
2006-10-02 05:47:48 · answer #6 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may just be afraid that you are home alone..unhappy....maybe tempted. (I'm not say this is the case). But when your away..you worry about the one you left behind.(it's nothing against you). It's hard on both of you..and there are those who will take advantage of you in the weak moment .This is really dangerous..he's in a bad place...needs to keep his mind focused on whats happening around him now. Just be supportive as you can, let him know your waiting at home for him.
Wish you both Good Luck.
2006-10-02 05:49:27 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to the post that suggested he found another girl....LMAO are you serious!?!? do you watch CNN!?!? do you read a paper!?!? its a war, not a holiday retreat!! anyway this is all thanks to bush and rumsfield. i think the whtie house should pay for all the divorced due to this damn war. i'm so sorry you're going thru this. but until you see him first hand dont make a decision. he's worried you might cheat, or get tired of waiting. and i'm sure his buddies are experiencing cheating wives etc. and he's trying to prevent his heart from getting hurt. maybe he's afraid of dying, who knows whats in these soldiers heads. they are faced with so much and its just not fair for them and their families. also ask the officer wives club president (they have groups like this in the marines) for help and counseling. i KNOW there are support groups for the families of soldiers. good luck.
2006-10-02 06:10:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he justs needs your reassurance that all is fine. Just keep telling him how much you love him. Let him know you can wait for him. When he comes home for a visit, don't expect too much from him. He is just going to need to decompress. If he is mean trying to get you to fight, refuse to. Just keep reassureing him how much you love him. My man is exmilitary and we were not together when he was in the military so I am just guessing here. I know there are support groups for military wives. Dear Abby just had all there names and numbers in the last few weeks to help another wife. Try to get into a support group. Other military wives know what you are going thru.
2006-10-02 05:53:54 · answer #9 · answered by Liz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I feel for you. All these other advices sound great but, hard to do. I'm sure he's going through a lot right now but, I would think he'd lean on you even more not push you away. All I can say is "pray". Prayer answers everything and it never fails.
2006-10-02 05:50:38 · answer #10 · answered by Tasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know a guy over there now and the things I've heard sound terrible. For one they don't get that much rest and this can affect a lot of things such as their thinking. I'd just hang in there and see what happens. Good luck to you ;o)
2006-10-02 05:50:41 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋