I have been with the guy I am married to for 5 years and married for 4 years. We have been fighting and have not gotten alongfor over a year. We do not have kids. We have been talking about getting a separation and/or divorce for over 6 months now. Well in that time I have fallen in love with our best friend and he has feelings for me. I am so confused. I don't want to ruin a relationship between friends but I am very happy with my friend. What do I do?
2006-10-02 04:49:13 · 22 answers · asked by Amanda G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Separation will give you the freedom to partake in the relationship with the best friend. That best friend is complicating matters.
You were apparently very young when you married. If you are serious about staying married, then make it work. If not, sow the oats of your youth and get out of the marriage. However, do not let the best friend. Should you separate, separate from both, as in move to another city.
2006-10-02 04:56:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amanda, first thing you need to do is get that divorce. No one is getting a fair shake here. You aren't happy with the husband, so why not go ahead and leave. Your husband needs his freedom to find someone. Your best friend is right in the middle, he could lose his best friend plus you. So, what good is this doing for anybody. Everyone is unhappy, the happiness you are feeling with the best friend feels good, but is it really when you got all this other stuff hanging over your head.
Since, you were all ready talking about a divorce it shouldn't really comes as a surprise to your husband. Now, that you and the best friend are an item,you could see if this relationship is going to go somewhere or not. And it would better for your husband, that he can find someone to love him. Everyone deserves love and respect, and I am afraid no one is getting anything but heartache. You can't move on towards this new relationship until you end the present one, and you can't really be happy with all the baggage that you are carrying.
Amanda, I am trying so hard to help you realize, that is just hurting everyone, including you. Please think about what this is doing to all of you. Honey, please go ahead and get the ball rolling on getting your life in order so you can do right by this new relationship. I am not making any sense am I, I am so sorry. I just want you to all be happy, and I honestly see how any of you could be in this mess. I think you know what you need to do, and I hope that since you have all ready talked about divorce, that he will let you go without any problems. Please take care, and I certainly hope that things work out with the best friend. If you two are happy together, and it sounds like you are, think how much better it will be when you don't have to hide it!
God bless us all.......................
2006-10-02 12:49:22 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amanda....when arguing starts in a relationship your going to have problems significantly in the relationship.
There are several remedies, but some far few behind the bottle
of Rum to cure and half the time inadmissible.
It is best to make it a rule never to argue because that is not
good. You can have dissagreements ina v ery professional
manner and tlak like dignified human beings, but yelling and
cussing each other out is a no no and makes you insensitive to
the other leading to the fall out and divorce.
The only problem is that divorce rids one problem and you carry
the other with you to infect your next relationship and it usually
kicks off when the first trigger occurs and your back to square
one again and this time there maybe children involved.
So nip it now and get your self cured from it and truly understand
that in no relationhsip arguing has ever done any good, but HURT
the ones you care for.
2006-10-02 12:07:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to marriage. Everything that is worthwhile takes work. Maybe when you got married, you were in love. Maybe you felt that easy, wonderful feeling of being in love. And maybe you thought that it would last forever. Everyone who falls in love falls out of love, and it sounds like you have fallen out of love. Well now is the time to really love. Love is not falling in love, it is not "having feelings" for someone. Love is committment, dedication, devotion, work. I think that you should love the guy (?) that you are married to. I have two books to suggest: The Road less Traveled by M. Scott Peck and Bonds that Make Us Free by C.Terry Warner. Invest time in what you've got. Also keep in mind, that if you divorce for the friend, then you and the "friend" will know a terrible thing about each other--when the going gets difficult (and it always does with marriage) then you two get going, looking for easy "feelings" elsewhere.
2006-10-02 12:03:39 · answer #4 · answered by Shawn T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you, I have been there and it's so hard. You can not control who you fall in love with. If you are going to get divorced I would wait until some time has passed to come out in a relationship with your friend. There will probably be no way to salvage the friendship anyway, but at least your husband wouldn't have bitter feelings that you have left him for another man. Plus you may need to spend some time by yourself instead of jumping from one relationship straight into another. If it is meant to be then your friend will understand and wait for you to sort things out. Good luck.
2006-10-02 11:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by lost 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything with the best friend, as that only makes matters worse for everyone.
If you love hubby, try to make it work....counseling, whatever. I have been told that feelings follow actions as well as vice versa, so maybe you can try to love him up in every way for the next 30 days in a row, then see where your marriage is. Tell him he's wonderful, how lucky you are to have him, cook for him, have as much sex as you both want, then after 30 days, see if his attitude has changed. And do not have contact with the best friend. Make excuses not to. The grass that appears greener on the other side of the fence is usually because it's located over a septic tank....
2006-10-02 11:55:22 · answer #6 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is for better or for worse. What if the friend is jealous of your husband and want you only to hurt him. Once you leave your husband for him, then he will leave you for someone else. Men never respect a woman that is seeing them om the side. Right now you are boosting his ego. Friend.....he is NOT your husband's friend, b/c he would not be hitting on you. Take a vacation for at least the weekend. Work on your marriage and tell your husband the truth, Let him decide if he wants to deal with you and what his so-called friend did. It's a mirage. If you really want to leave your husband, leave the whole situation. There are so many more men out here. Good luck
2006-10-02 12:00:20 · answer #7 · answered by sassy lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heat not your head. Make sure its LOVE not LUST before you ruin something that once was good for you. Maybe you and your now hubby need to go on a date and discuss how you both feel and see if there is still any "spark or connection" between the two. I though i wanted to leave my hubby for someone else later to find that what i was thinking about doing was absolutely NUTS and would ruin ME forever. I never thought about it again and feel terrible for even thinking.
GOOD LUCK
2006-10-02 11:57:39 · answer #8 · answered by CMA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why keep making matters worse. Since you don't want to ruin a friendship, then don't. Divorce your husband and move on with your life with another guy. You and the best friend should be ashame of yourself to betray your husband like that.
2006-10-02 11:55:11 · answer #9 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are making a mockery out of marriage and what it stands for as alot of people do these days and ages. But didn't you stand up in front of a bunch of wittnesses and God and promise to love, honor and cherish till death do you part? If you did you should have some back bone, honor, some integrity some self respect and honor that promise you made to not only yourself and God but to the one you made the promise to... your spouse.
If more people honored their own words this thing called marriage might really mean something great.
2006-10-02 12:06:07 · answer #10 · answered by Myfatty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋