my kids were with me this weekend and told me that their father drinks everyday and sometimes gets violent ...violent i mean that he shoved not hit but shoved my daughter into her room when he was mad...and picked my son up by his shirt and threw him on the couch....and they are scared that they told me because he has told them that they are not to tell me anything that goes on in that house........CPS said that wasnt enough criteria to look into it because i didnt see any marks or bruises.....i am seeing my lawyer tomorrow to try to modify custody so they can live with me again....that was kids request also....what can i do now...until court
2006-10-02 04:41:06 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
THIS IS FOR THE IDIOT PILOT GUY...I LET THEM GO STAY WITH THE DAD SO THAT THEY COULD GO TO THIE SCHOOL OF CHOICE...ITS NOT LIKE I LOST CUSTODY OF THEM YOU IDIOT....AND I HOPE YOU ARE NOT CALLING MY KIDS LIARS!
2006-10-02 05:05:10 · update #1
For all the skeptics...he has had a domestic arrest that i didnt know about before kids went to live with him..if i had know before hand i would have not let them go....he is hardly ever home and he comes home so drunk that he cannot walk and my 15 yr old daughter had to help him get to bed....i could go on..
2006-10-02 05:19:50 · update #2
kids can push and test huh? so if they are bad its ok for thier dad to pick you up by your shirt and throw u on the couch...if that is acceptable to you you need help
2006-10-02 05:21:29 · update #3
Try to get them involved with some type of activity or group so that they are not at their fathers house for as many hours. The less that they are there, the less of a chance they'll get shoved around. Also, tell them to call the cops anytime their dad touched them, but to do it discreetly so not to anger him more in the process. Drinking can be a very dangerous thing when the drinker has a temper.
2006-10-02 04:45:37 · answer #1 · answered by AmsterF 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There will be times when you may have to grab a teenage girl by the arm and place her in her room. As far as the son, the most effective calming manuever is to grab them by the shirt and holding their feet 6" off the floor. As for the kids there was absolutely no way that the pair of them were even remotely disrespectful or combative was there. This is becoming a kids vs. father battle and the child solution is run away to mommy who will not make them tow the line. The sad part is that you are buying it hook line and sinker. You called CPS based upon this? You heard what they thought. What you can do here is ask yourself why he has primary custody. If you have a problem with his form of discipline you call him first and tell him what the reports are and talk to him first. To do any differently makes you into one of their pawns. The other question you must ask yourself is this, If I buy into this and let them move in how do I handle them when they pull the teenage mouth with me?
The reality of your situation is that your children are probably not the little angels you think they are. Having to get physical with children is often necessary and the "spare the rod theroy" holds water today.
You are most likely being played so they can escape the demands of the custodial parent. You had better make sure that you have all the facts before dragging him back into court. Most likely you will come out as the manipulated party here.
There is one other concept here. You have come onto an answer board and set up one side of this argument so everyone lends you some sort of moral support. Then you respond with remarks in argument for everyone who disagrees with your side. It seems that you are becoming a party to a further fight with your EX. Please do not add us to your fight because you don't like our opinion. As for abuse, broken bones and blackeyes now that's abuse. What you described here does not even approach the level of abuse that the courts get involved in. You had best take a hard look in the mirror and review your motives here. Because to take this back into court will bring your motives into question. Its a little late to tell people you have their best interest at heart when you gave up custody to him so they could go to the school they wanted.
Were you really looking for honest advice or just those who will say he's a bad guy?
2006-10-02 12:29:35 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG I am going through the same thing........we (my current hubby) filed for modification of the custody this last wed. Now, he has been served and we are waiting for my ex to get a lawyer and then our lawyers meet and agree on a mediator and then we (all both parents and each lawyer) go in front of the mediator and then we try to agree on a professional custody evaluator and if we cannot agree then the courts will appoint a panel to do the evaluation and then we go from there....my situation is
shockingly similar to yours, the drinking and the physical violence and the children's desire not to be with him anymore.........I am just waiting it out and right now that is all I can do. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.........Good luck
unfortunatly there is not much you can do on the word of your children if there is no other witnesses or bruises, the age of the kids will come into play as well. I understand, my boys keep telling me of their did beating the dog, (nothing I can do) drinking and driving with them in the car (again nothing i can do, it is much after the fact) The emotional abuse and mental torture (embarassing them, makeing them wear dunce caps in the corner when they bring home a bad grade......it sucks and is horrible that my boys have to keep going back to this........it sucks that unless he really goes off and beats them, then I can get an Emergency Protection Order........it sucks but we just now have to trust the judicial system which not holds my boys' future in its hands.
2006-10-02 11:53:10 · answer #3 · answered by NolaDawn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would Keep at Child protective serices you have to make a squak to get thier attention. I would also have the children see a therapist over thease incedents once they hear of them they have to report it. You can also get some good advice as well from them on how to handle it.
I would when I see the lawyer for some way to keep them at your place till this does happen.
I then would also look into a restraining order.
If you can't and they must go look over this yourself grab a video camera and videotape what goes on in the house from the other side of the street in your car. Or in the bush...or just drop in causeally or better yet hire a privite detective to get your evidence.
2006-10-02 11:50:49 · answer #4 · answered by alice_600 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
#1 Go to the police and make a reaprt (the laywer will need one for evidence and have your kids there to tell the police what happend).
#2 Get a lawyer to stop custody (the legal way)
#3 You and the children need to stay AWAY and stay with someone he does not know. Go out of town if you have to.
#4 Be Strong for you and your kids....they need you. Make sure you do the RIGHT thing. Your guts will tell you what to do.
2006-10-02 11:44:38 · answer #5 · answered by CMA 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Pray that no harm comes to your children while you wait. Continue as usual with your visitation. I don't know what was your reason for letting him have custody in the first place but kids are never better off with a parent that drinks too much.
2006-10-02 11:43:37 · answer #6 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
God, you need to get over yourself and get help!
I was looking at old ?'s from you and I found this one...
(....I love my husband very much...but sometimes i just dont want him to touch me..we have been together for 5 yrs?
sometimes i cannot stand to be in the same room looking at him...i know that sounds awful because he treats me and the kids soooo well. Its confusing because i know i love him. Please Help...)
You said "HE TREATS ME AND THE KIDS SOOOOOO WELL", that just proves that you only hate him because he left you and you are trying to hold the kids agenst him. That is unfair to your children. They need there father and if you try to take him away they will grow up to hate you for it.
2006-10-02 21:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by dohm84 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you have full custody of them now that they are awarded to their father and only visit you don't brainwash the kids in hopes that they will want to come and live with you children tend to fabricate and exaggerate make your attorney aware of it and proceed cautiously video tapping sneaking around is a felony stalking in every state of the union
2006-10-02 11:51:05 · answer #8 · answered by aldo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's not much that you can do until then.
tell your kids that they are safe with you and they can always tell you what's going on and they don't have to be scared to tell you because you are going to protect them.
when you go to your lawyer he will probably go to court right away to change the custody order.
if your kids come to you and tell you that they are really scared you could always phone the police and they make take the kids to you anyways.
2006-10-02 11:44:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh my goodness..what an *** he is!!!. you have to get full custody and your children perhaps can be witness in the court so that they can tell the judge they want to live with you permanently. oh my I am so sorry...this is not good. Thank goodness your kids told you about it. wow..this kills me..my x was an alcoholic but he did not hurt my child but he was very irresponsible with her.
2006-10-02 12:01:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋