Arranged marriage, Good or bad??

Question

I have been been in an arranged marriage for 12 years and now realise this was a big mistake on my parents part, I am now deeply in love with another woman, but i have 4 children with my estranged wife and i dont want to make a bad impression on them by leaving them to be with the woman i adore and love. please help what should i do for the best of all involved??

Answer 1

well dude the only thing i can say is think about your kids. im going to have an arranged marriage but my parents have told me if i lke someone i should tell them and hoever they choose i can decide but i trust their judgement. didnt you get a say? its easy for us to say shut up and think about your kids but thats what you gotta do. give it some time, you might feel differently and if you dont well being unhappy will have a negative impression on your kids. good luck to you.

Answer 2

Children come first and hope yours do as SOME men do not seem to bother as they are too busy pursuing their 'new hot thing'. However nor should you deny yourself of being happy - because one day the children willl leave to pursue their own lives.

It all depends - why is your ex estranged. Do you have a good relationship with your children? Why not have this woman as a freind or at least slowly decide what it is you two want and then youw ill need to speak to your estramnged wife - because she will always be the mother of your children.

By the way how is that your were forced to have an arranged marriage and how will you deal telling your parents now after all these years..? Hard to tell as more info is needed on this one - and put it simply if you are still in a sexual relationship with your estranged wife then the timing is not right at all.

Answer 3

Arranged marriages work if the 2 concerned have arranged it. The only reason divorce rates are lower than those of conventional marriages is not because they are match made in heaven, but because of fear of bringing shame on to families upon divorce. You should not have married this woman in the first place, but I assume you were young and naiive at the time and didn't want to 'confront' the families. All I am going to say is, if you are not happy, move on. Yes, kids are important and you must ensure they are looked after by you both emotionally and financially, but you must look after you also. You only live once, so live it. Misery isn't going to help anybody, but ensure you don't ever interfere in your children's decision of their life long partner. All the best.

Answer 4

Love can grow, even when the two persons are not in love at first. I feel togetherness can make both parties feel more towards each other. Why do you have to wait until 12 years to realise that it was a mistake and you did bear 4 childrens. Aren't your children born out of love, or simply lust?

Answer 5

for 12 years u have lived with it
so for th sake of ur kids just find a way to mend it
its ur mind telling u that cus u think u found another woman
u are not the only person in this univers in that kind of marriage
a lot of people are and they make it work no matter what
instead of cheating on ur wife find a way to love her
and make sure u teach ur kids a good thigk and help them by not arranging their marriage
women are not always what they seem
love it very wonderful if u are living apart
but living under one roof tell a differences
my advice dont mess up ur life and that of ur kids
cus u cannot put the pieces back together ones its broken so think deeply about it cus all that glitters is not gold

Answer 6

I'm not married nor do i have a family, but to be forced into a marraige is not right. I would talk to you wife and explain to your children that you marriage was arranged and while you respect their mother and love her as their mother, she isn't your "soul mate" or what not. Explain that you have found a woman you care for very much. You are not abandoning them. You can still take good care of them. But sometimes the parents have to put themselves first for the sake of the children. What good are you to them if you are miserable?

Best of Luck

Answer 7

Hi >
An interesting question.
I, myself have followed the Christian way of things, in that of course you choose a partner in life, regardless of family considerations & opinions.
My mutually chosen wife is loved by all the family.
So no problems.
I understand that this is not always so in other beleifs & cultures.
I just, many years ago, kept my parents pleased by meeting a girl that suited all involved.
I personally feel that is possib;y the best way to do things.
But each to their own, of course, and traditions step into place.

All the best, and hope all is settled down at the end of the day.

Bob

Answer 8

I think bad, but stick with it for the children's sake, i KNOW it can be a lonely life it changes from being in love with a person to just love and respect for that person, two different things.

On the other hand i KNOW how you must feel that if you don't take this opportunity to be happy you may be miserable for the rest of your life, please if anything think of the children.
I hope you come up with the right choice, take care and all the best.
Don't blame your parents for the marriage its not worth it, you are the one that agreed.

Answer 9

Oh a difficult one were kids are involved; marriage is difficult for most arranged or not, can only suggest you speak to someone you trust. Then speak and speak and then speak some more. You will find out what you want to do, you know the answers already take council to find out what that is - no man stands judge in his own trial

Goodluck

Answer 10

I do not agree with arranged marriages at all. It's not your parents that have to live with her/him. I believe in meeting the person myself and find out what we have in common. If I were you I would put your family/children first and reach an amicable decision with your wife. Above all, be responsible and do what's best for your children.