How could your husband of 15 years have no feelings left for me?

Question

We have been married for 15 years and he has spent most of his time in the military based at home so we are around each other every night.However he shows me no emotion or fellings or love.
All i want is to be loved and to know that he loves me.
He is very numb and cold as ice i need a little support please help no children we have 2 dogs they get more attention than i do.
Please any advice i really love him.

I work every day and come home cook dinner do everything around the house and he has nothing its almost like its all about him.

He has been like this for at least 6 years and ive tried talking to him till im blue in the face he dosn't talk back we have very little conversation

Answer 1

People get into a rut or routine -- it seems unlikely that it means he loves you any less. This is probably nothing that a little non-confrontational communication couldn't solve. Talk to him and tell him that you want him to start giving you those little, loving gestures again, like he used to. Be sure to be fairly specific, for example, "Kiss me good-bye" or "Hug me when you get home," or whatever you want.

Answer 2

You need to have a serious conversation with him. There may be something bothering him - something he cannot tell you - atleast yet. You have not written whether he was like this from the beginning or whether it is a recent development. You really love him so you must make the effort of finding out why he has gone cold by asking him and making him say what he is feeling. It is not easy and will take time. But perseverance will pay. There is no harm in asking. The coldness will only grow if you do not act now atleast. Good luck.

Answer 3

Some people are just so emotionally pent up that they are unable to relate on an emotional level. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it just means he is incapable of showing it to you. Maybe he does show it to you but in his own manner.

The affection for the dogs is typical, that is an uncomplicated relationship. I'm only guessing but maybe you complain a lot to him about his distance and coldness, and that only drives him deeper into his shell. Maybe if you tried the opposite, be less confrontative about it, he might open up a bit. That doesn't mean you stop telling him what you need from him. You could show him what you need by setting an example, give him the tools to give you what you need.

There is also the sexual approach. In intimacy, try to talk about your and his sexual fantasies. There may be some common ground there. Take the initiative for sex, in a subtle and loving way.

Answer 4

Have you confronted him with this? He needs a wake-up call.

I think you need to talk or yes, even argue the point with him. It will not change until you push the issue.

Arguing is not a bad thing in a marriage. It can be quite healthy.

Also, read the book "The Five Languages of Love" by Dr. Chapman. It's an eye-opening book.

my husband is retired Army and I know how it can be. But men in general don't always show their love the way we need it.

Send me an e-mail and let me know how it's working. My best to you.

I have no children either, so I know how lonely it can be when your husband neglects you. I've been married for nine years. Do you have a sex life? Mine is non-existent but is starting to warm-up a little.

Answer 5

Judging from all of your misspelled words, you not very well educated and probably don't make much money, which really puts you in tough situation. The others are correct, he is a loser and very selfish, throw him out, see if your parents will let you move back in until you can get your life straighten out. Men are great to have around to help you raise your family, but men who are just donating sperm, but not willing to help out with all of the other things that it takes to raise a family and be a daddy, aren't real men. If you have access to his phone, pull his text messages, any photos, etc... from his records and take those to the police (may need to contact the phone company directly for some of this information). What he is doing (if he is having sex) is illegal and he should go to jail. All he is doing is messing up another girls life like he did with you. I wouldn't be too upset with the 15 year old, she just isn't old enough to understand what is going on. To her this is just like a junior high crush (by the way, where are her parents in all of this)? Good luck, and remember to turn to your family they are going to be even more important now that you have another child on the way!

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you have exhausted all of your efforts into trying to make a man love you who clearly isn't worth the time...He sounds selfish, arrogant and self-centered....

I think you need to keep in mind that you only have one shot at life...one opportunity at happiness. Every year that goes by with you wasting your time on this man who does nothing to meet your emotional or physical needs is taking away precious time that you could have spending your life with a man who could truly make you happy...If your husband doesn't want to work on making the marriage a fulfilling, loving relationship then he isn't worth the time and energy you have spent on trying to make him understand your feelings...Chances are he will never change because maybe perhaps he thinks you will never leave him.

You need to make a stand and choose happiness...I am in a similiar situation. However, I have five children and I cannot work or drive due to illness...my husband is not completely cold but he is insensitive and me makes me feel unwanted and undesirable...I am stuck. I have wanted to leave so many times I can't count....You don't have to be in this position. You can take action and take your life back...

Good luck...

Answer 7

Sandy, there could be a number of things going on. Some people just not need hugs, kisses, and sex. He could be one of this people, that just don't need any physical contact.

Your husband also could be going through male menopause. My last thought is that is he's gotten into a rut, and just don't think that nothing is wrong, and he doesn't have to keep up the romance. The attitude could be he's just not happy any longer.
Can you talk to him? Find out what is exactly is going on in his head. Be prepared for the worse, you might find out that he's wants out, and just hasn't figured out how to tell you. He might be just one of those people who doesn't need any physical contact, can you handle being married but not touching.

Sandy, please try and talk to him. I am hoping that he will be able to be honest with you. To me not knowing is worse than wondering what is wrong. Praying that it's just a rut, and that if you put a little spice back into the relationship, dating, romancing, things can get back on track. Please take care of yourself protect your heart, I know you are hurting now, but the answers he gives you might not be what you want to hear. I certainly hope that you hear what you wanting to hear. You can't keep going like this, it's hurting you mentally but also physically. You deserve to know you are loved, and you definietly deserve to be treated that way too....


God bless us all............

Answer 8

Its possibly just a case of same **** different day and its been that way for some years now.

Do something spontaneous, go drastic and get an extreme makeover, start living for yourself and be excited about it, go out with friends, adopt your own life that he'll find easy to adapt to. If he picks up that you're not willing to just settle for **** and you do everything to change it and the change is good he'll pick up on it sooner or later.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I suggest counsel ling for both, but if he won't go, you go yourself. You need to find out why you have put up with being treated like a "non-person" for so long. Some men cannot show their emotions, or alternatively, he might be gay and unable to come out of the closet.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

Answer 10

I suggest expressing your feelings to him. Perhaps some marriage counseling may help. Know this, whatever it is that you desire from this man, you cant force him to give it to you. I dont ever like to suggest that a person leaves their spouse, but at some point when your needs arent met, we must ask ourselves, what am i doing here. You deserve to be treat like a queen, dont ever accept anything less. I wish you the best of luck.