i always hated summer camps...always. but this time i think camp will be even worse. i dont know anyone and i is making me nervous! i just finished packing and mom and i are getting ready to leave.i step outside and a blast of humid muggy hot sticky air hits me.the kind of day when after 2 minutes outside your shirt is sticking to u and your face and head are soaked with sweat.inside of the car was even worse i mean it was like a million degrees in there. and our AC broke last week i was frying when mom asked
"are you excited for your first sleep away camp?"
"um...yeah but mostly nervous"
"aw hon..it'll be so much fun!!!" i pushed my dark brown hair out of my face. i always wear my hair up but still my bangs annoy me.
"o yea kristy...this came in the mail" mom said as she handed me a letter. it said:
2006-10-02 03:24:27 · 13 answers · asked by ellygirl360 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
be honest plz thats the only way ill make it better!!!!
2006-10-02 04:59:57 · update #1
It is a good beginning to the story, it makes me want to know what she handed you. Keep writing!!!!
2006-10-02 03:28:23 · answer #1 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly: I don't care for the lack of capitalization. "u" should be you. Your story lacks punctuation in various places.
Lines like "humid muggy hot sticky" are beyond redundant- pick one word. I think you need to study some books on the craft of writing so you understand the concept of first drafts, revisions, and editing. Good luck with your writing.
2006-10-02 12:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good job! There are a lot of sites that help young writers develop their skills--look into them. Also, a lot of authors of young adult lit have blogs, and many of them give writing advice on a regular basis. Google your favorite authors, and see what comes up. And keep writing!
2006-10-02 20:16:18 · answer #3 · answered by amicietta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good beginning, good use of adjectives, and setting the atmosphere - i'd say continue! Nice work :)
2006-10-02 10:32:12 · answer #4 · answered by Jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good concept, but you need to work on punctuation and varying your sentence structure. There are also a few too many adjectives.
2006-10-03 15:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by Genevieve 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
great don't get discouraged and keep writing. Also you will need to develop a thick skin to be a writer. Good luck.
2006-10-02 11:00:04 · answer #6 · answered by carolinatinpan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"You are offer to study at Hogward School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
2006-10-02 10:40:04 · answer #7 · answered by Delphi p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice start!
2006-10-02 10:32:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
really im 17
2006-10-02 10:32:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
it's pretty good. you should keep writing..
2006-10-02 11:00:29 · answer #10 · answered by Divya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋